(Closed) How to incorporate young children into ceremony?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I would not bat an eyelash at an evening reception that didn’t include children, even if they are the bride and groom’s. Even your 4 year old stepson would probably not enjoy being up that late, dressed up, hanging out with a bunch of adults. Also, both you and your husband will be busy with your guests, so if there’s a meltdown, even if you had a sitter at the restaurant, it would be difficult for you to deal with.

As for the ceremony, the boys sound like a good age to be ring bearers, especially if the ceremony is not too long. If they can make it down the aisle together effectively, they will probably look adorable doing it.

Post # 3
Member
30402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
kbam2016:  You know your boys better than your Future Mother-In-Law. Not many children are at their best when staying up past their bedtime.

I think your plan is perfectly reasonable.

Post # 4
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My cousin had her son (he was 3) walk down the aisle during the processional, with her mom. She couldn’t figure out how that was supposed to work. Groom walked his mother down the aisle, her dad walked her… so the mom was just kind of out there in limbo…. so this super adorable 3 year old got to walk Grandma down the aisle right before the bridesmaids.  

He felt all important with his “big boy job” and Grandma was right there with him to make sure he didn’t turn into a hyper little guy halfway down the aisle.

I totally agree with the babysitter. It’ll already be a long day for both of them. Getting ready, super busy, sitting through a long thing being quite (and bored). They’re there for all the important parts (pictures and whatnot).

And I’m willing to bet that they’d be much happier at home with some mac and cheese and pajamas…they’ll be tired and bored out of their minds at that point.

You and Fiance know your kids and what they can tolerate. 

I’d do the same thing. My 8 year old would be bored to tears sitting at some fancy restaurant, wearing itchy clothes, and listening to adults talking more than he already had. I can only imagine what a 4 and 2 year old would feel.

Post # 5
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My kids albeit slightly older at 8 9 and 12 will be leaving the receotion at 9 pm the kids in the day aren’t invited to the evening reception so theyll go at about six mine will stay in so that the ending guests can see them then theh will be going with their dad as we want to let our hair down come night time. ceremony is at 12 so it will be a long day for them all. I don’t feel remotely guilty for not having them there in the night i want to relax and not be mummy just that one day. Im a uk bee so things are a bit different here but we are thinking of having the kids walk down the aisle holding a sign and maybe saying a reading at the ceremony  

Post # 6
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I like 

View original reply
nicoalann:‘s idea of having them escort their grandmother (or grandmothers if your Fiance won’t be seating his mum, they could each walk with one). If you decided not to do this, then I really don’t think it’s necessary for them to have any special “role” in the ceremony – they’re a little too young to do much else (such as ring bearers). When my dad and step mother got married, I was asked to do a reading (I was 17 at the time) but neither of my sisters had any sort of “role” (they were 15 and 4 respectively). No one batted an eyelid at this, at least to my knowledge.

Post # 7
Member
3728 posts
Sugar bee

Have your officiant acknowledge the children and the important role they play in your relationship.  You may even want each child to be called forward and presented with a small gift to commemorate the occassion.

A more active role is risky given their tender years. Some small children cope witht the walk up the aisle and the standing still but others do not.

Definitelty stick to your guns about sending the kids home to sleep in their own beds.  Thay will be tired after a big day and nothing will spoil your reception more than a pair of overtired cranky littlies.

Post # 8
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

It always cracks me up how the exact same people that harrangued us to go to bed on time are so cavalier about those rules when they become grandparents! Sometimes I look at my mother being all lenient with my son and go, “Who ARE you?! You are NOT the woman who raised me.” 

Nothing to add. I think your plan is spot on. They’ll get to be a part of enough of the day that they will be in the pictures (which is great because years from now they likely will not even remember that they were there.) Grandma has clearly forgotten how sleepy cranky children behave when taken off their routines. 

Post # 11
Member
4176 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My son was 5 when we got married. He was the ring bearer and wore a matching tie same color as the groomsmen. He loved dressing up like the big boys and being part of the whole thing. It was so special to have him there and playing an active role.

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