(Closed) Feeling a little sad about the things I'm missing…

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Did anyone else experience this?
    Yes, and it's totally normal : (52 votes)
    53 %
    Yes, but it's not that common : (2 votes)
    2 %
    No, that's downright weird : (8 votes)
    8 %
    No, but I can see why you feel it : (19 votes)
    19 %
    No, but it is normal : (8 votes)
    8 %
    Maybe, I'm not entirely sure : (0 votes)
    It didn't ever apply to me/doesn't apply yet : (10 votes)
    10 %
    I like turtles : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I totally understand πŸ™‚ Darling Husband (so crazy to use that now!) and I moved in together when I was 19 and he was 21.  I had just transferred colleges so went from ‘going out’ and doing stupid sh*t with friends (which I really didn’t enjoy, and frankly, didn’t miss) to mostly staying at home (of my own volition) and hanging with my boyfriend aftter I moved across the country and transferred schools after sophomore year of college. I totally know what you mean – I went from ‘living the college life’ to chilling at home with my boyfriend.  I loved it, but it definitely was a change! We are total homebodies, but we try to go out and do things when possible. 5 years later, we still don’t have a ton of money, but Groupons are our best friend.  We love cheap fun date nights.  Figure out what you enjoy, and then figure out a way to do it in budget, ya know?

    ETA: I just re-read my advice and realized it’s kinda fake.  Darling Husband works 65 hours a week now, so we don’t go out much.  I”m at home alone a lot of the time (still on the job hunt after finishing my master’s) – try to make some friends… have you talked to your neighbors? My neighbor is my best friend!  Do you have any hobbies? Even if they can get expensive, there’s usually a way to find a deal to do it on the cheap!  Do you live in a big city or a small town?

    Post # 5
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ZebraPrintMe:  Yea.  Read my ETA.  When Darling Husband and I have time alone, we are at home on the couch watching TV.  Or, he gets irritated about the house situation so we both clean together.  So exciting πŸ˜‰ so to answer your question, totally normal.  But if you’re not happy, you need to work some excitiement in, but I’m not the best one to ask πŸ™‚  If you  have a lot of time alone, you need to figure out how you want to fill it.  Me? I’m good with sitting on my ass with my dog and watching TV.  But if you’re not, go out and find deals on restaurants, or go explore your city… what interests you?

    ETA (again..) Do they have groupon or things like that in England?  They have discounted deals not only on meals, but also on adventures like horseback riding, cooking classes, etc.  Darling Husband is a cook but i’m still trying to plan a cooking class for us to take together to spend some ‘scheduled’ time together.  I know I keep rambling on, sorry, but my point is… yes, you can get set in a routine, but it’s up to you if you need to find a way out, and if you do, it’s totally doable πŸ™‚

    Post # 6
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I was single in my early 20s, but part of the reason I got rid of facebook was that I was constantly comparing myself to other people. I didn’t know the true issues behind what they posted.  

    My Fiance is in retail and our time together is limited, so Ive come to learn to enjoy our weekly food shopping as time spent to talk.

    Post # 8
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ZebraPrintMe:  Hmm…. do you mind sharing what town? (or by PM?)  I still don’t have a job so I’d love a challenge πŸ˜‰

    ETA: (Just curious…) why can’t you research or do music???


    Post # 9
    1181 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Maybe you can take smaller trips ( weekend getaways)

    Post # 10
    4687 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    @ZebraPrintMe:  I think the rut you’re getting into with your Fiance is totally normal but that doesn’t make it any better or easier! You should be out exploring the world! It doesn’t have to be super expensive, some road trips or joining local groups or exercise clubs or something. I wouldn’t want you to fall into a serious funk and resent Fiance for the rest of your life! It is VERY easy to stay shuttered in one’s house, trust me, I know. Try to break the habit now!

    Post # 11
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @ZebraPrintMe:  Oh I think everyone experiences this at some point.  I used to look at my friends and be jealous that they travelled all over, had (or seemingly had) lots of money to buy houses and furniture and cars…  But, I made my own goals and achieved them slowly.  It’s a great sense of accomplishment.  Plus, just remember that life really is short and you can’t do everything, so choose the things that you really want to do, and focus on those and dont’ fret about others.  If your goals are similar to your friends’, you could always ask advice on how they achieved them.

    You said you would love to travel.  So make it a priority!  Yes, travelling cost money.  But if I were you, I would decide which destination I would most like to visit, determine what it would cost me, and then make some sort of payment plan to myself in a savings account until the day I had enough to go.  The money’s never (or almost never, unless you win the lotery or something..) going to fall in your lap so you have to take action to save it.

    I’m not talking saving hundreds every week or anything.  Just save what you can.  DH and I decided that we wanted a new bed, so we each put aside $20/week until we had enough to buy the bed.  It’s a nice feeling knowing you’re working towards accomplishing a goal that you really want to do.


    Post # 12
    12005 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    FH and I have lived together for almost 7 years, we were 23 & 24 when we moved in together and had been dating 2 years at that point.  When we moved in I was making good money and working full time, FH was still in school and not working – just student loans – then he was unemployed.  We had no money and there was a lot of sitting around doing nothing.  When he did get a job he worked crazy shifts and we hardly saw each other.  My friends were heading to the dominican and cuba and doing all sorts of things I never got to do – I was jealous.  Now, I just finished my second degree a year ago, and since then we have been working the same schedule (for the first time in our relationship) we’re both making good money and will finally be able to afford to do some of the things we ‘missed out on’ in our early 20’s.  I don’t regret any of it though

    Post # 14
    8694 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    why do you have to sit alone and bored waiting on your FI? join a club or oranization, start a club.  what about a book club, a hiking club, a dinner club.  this can include your current friends or you can look for new friends.  just because you live with someone, doesn’t mean your life has to stop.

    Post # 15
    3421 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

    When my Fiance and I moved in together I took up gardening. Its awesome, a stress reliever and so pretty. We live in an apt so you have way more space then I do.  How I long to be able to put my baby plants in the ground

    Post # 16
    12248 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @ZebraPrintMe:  I worked full-time during college, and I feel the EXACT same way about the college experience! My friends got to party and make friends, and I got to work 16 or 18 weeks in a row without a day off…

    I’m definitely still jealous of everyone who didn’t have to work. But you have to do what you have to do!

    Luckily, Darling Husband has friends who are permanent college kids, and I get a little taste of college life every time we visit them!

    So I’m sure you’ll start going on little trips here and there, and you’ll start getting the fun traveling experience sooner or later!

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