Post # 1
I’m a pretty young bee, only 20 years old with an Fiance who’s 24. We’re getting married in 2015 sometime, but we don’t have a date yet because we’ve just bought our first house! We’ve been living together for just over a month and things are going great, hardly any arguments and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Except for one thing. Before me and Fiance moved in, I lived with my parents. I had a room to myself and a computer with internet – and that was my life. Me and Fiance would speak on Skype every night, and from the moment I got home to about midnight I’d distract myself with videos and fanfictions. But now, with only intermitent access to the internet and nothing but repeats on TV, I’m starting to long for something else to distract me. In the evenings when I’m all alone I sit, bored, my only interest being when Fiance will come home and we can eat dinner together.
I’m starting to feel envy for my old school friends – not envy for their lack of bills, or the fact that they have tons of money, but for the things that they do. Going to festivals, travelling, taking gap years and flying over to Asia for a few months. I imagine going to a Writer’s retreat and spending a fortnight hammering away to complete my novel. I dream of lying on a sunny beach with Fiance and sipping cocktails.
Of course, we can’t afford any of it and honestly us living together is the best thing ever – I’d never pass it up just to go on fancy holidays. But I still want to go on them. This is totally normal, I know – and the feeling will definitely pass with time. This is the life I chose and I definitely don’t regret a moment of it.
I guess I just wanted reassurance that others have experienced the same. Wanting some excitement, some big fun event, and being a little sad that you never got to experience it. Anyone?
ETA: Also please no nasty comments about my age, questioning my maturity or telling me that I’m living my life wrong. It’s mean. Also, I’m sorry the spacing is so huge on this post.
Post # 3
I totally understand 🙂 Darling Husband (so crazy to use that now!) and I moved in together when I was 19 and he was 21. I had just transferred colleges so went from ‘going out’ and doing stupid sh*t with friends (which I really didn’t enjoy, and frankly, didn’t miss) to mostly staying at home (of my own volition) and hanging with my boyfriend aftter I moved across the country and transferred schools after sophomore year of college. I totally know what you mean – I went from ‘living the college life’ to chilling at home with my boyfriend. I loved it, but it definitely was a change! We are total homebodies, but we try to go out and do things when possible. 5 years later, we still don’t have a ton of money, but Groupons are our best friend. We love cheap fun date nights. Figure out what you enjoy, and then figure out a way to do it in budget, ya know?
ETA: I just re-read my advice and realized it’s kinda fake. Darling Husband works 65 hours a week now, so we don’t go out much. I”m at home alone a lot of the time (still on the job hunt after finishing my master’s) – try to make some friends… have you talked to your neighbors? My neighbor is my best friend! Do you have any hobbies? Even if they can get expensive, there’s usually a way to find a deal to do it on the cheap! Do you live in a big city or a small town?
Post # 4
@loving_life: Definitely. I’ve been hunting for cheap restaurants so we can go out once in a while! Like, last Saturday, the only day we’re both off work, we spent cleaning the house and doing the shopping. It was a tad depressing.
Post # 5
@ZebraPrintMe: Yea. Read my ETA. When Darling Husband and I have time alone, we are at home on the couch watching TV. Or, he gets irritated about the house situation so we both clean together. So exciting 😉 so to answer your question, totally normal. But if you’re not happy, you need to work some excitiement in, but I’m not the best one to ask 🙂 If you have a lot of time alone, you need to figure out how you want to fill it. Me? I’m good with sitting on my ass with my dog and watching TV. But if you’re not, go out and find deals on restaurants, or go explore your city… what interests you?
ETA (again..) Do they have groupon or things like that in England? They have discounted deals not only on meals, but also on adventures like horseback riding, cooking classes, etc. Darling Husband is a cook but i’m still trying to plan a cooking class for us to take together to spend some ‘scheduled’ time together. I know I keep rambling on, sorry, but my point is… yes, you can get set in a routine, but it’s up to you if you need to find a way out, and if you do, it’s totally doable 🙂
Post # 6
I was single in my early 20s, but part of the reason I got rid of facebook was that I was constantly comparing myself to other people. I didn’t know the true issues behind what they posted.
My Fiance is in retail and our time together is limited, so Ive come to learn to enjoy our weekly food shopping as time spent to talk.
Post # 7
@loving_life: Well, the only thing I ever do when I’m on my own is try to work in my novel(s). Unfortunately without being able to research or even stick music on in another tab I get stuck very quickly and usually give up after writing two rubbish sentences.
Other than that, not much. I don’t drive and there are no evening buses, and where we live there is a supermarket, a pub, and a couple of takeaways. Nowhere fun to go alone. 🙁
Post # 8
@ZebraPrintMe: Hmm…. do you mind sharing what town? (or by PM?) I still don’t have a job so I’d love a challenge 😉
ETA: (Just curious…) why can’t you research or do music???
Post # 9
Maybe you can take smaller trips ( weekend getaways)
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@ZebraPrintMe: I think the rut you’re getting into with your Fiance is totally normal but that doesn’t make it any better or easier! You should be out exploring the world! It doesn’t have to be super expensive, some road trips or joining local groups or exercise clubs or something. I wouldn’t want you to fall into a serious funk and resent Fiance for the rest of your life! It is VERY easy to stay shuttered in one’s house, trust me, I know. Try to break the habit now!
Post # 11
@ZebraPrintMe: Oh I think everyone experiences this at some point. I used to look at my friends and be jealous that they travelled all over, had (or seemingly had) lots of money to buy houses and furniture and cars… But, I made my own goals and achieved them slowly. It’s a great sense of accomplishment. Plus, just remember that life really is short and you can’t do everything, so choose the things that you really want to do, and focus on those and dont’ fret about others. If your goals are similar to your friends’, you could always ask advice on how they achieved them.
You said you would love to travel. So make it a priority! Yes, travelling cost money. But if I were you, I would decide which destination I would most like to visit, determine what it would cost me, and then make some sort of payment plan to myself in a savings account until the day I had enough to go. The money’s never (or almost never, unless you win the lotery or something..) going to fall in your lap so you have to take action to save it.
I’m not talking saving hundreds every week or anything. Just save what you can. DH and I decided that we wanted a new bed, so we each put aside $20/week until we had enough to buy the bed. It’s a nice feeling knowing you’re working towards accomplishing a goal that you really want to do.
Post # 12
FH and I have lived together for almost 7 years, we were 23 & 24 when we moved in together and had been dating 2 years at that point. When we moved in I was making good money and working full time, FH was still in school and not working – just student loans – then he was unemployed. We had no money and there was a lot of sitting around doing nothing. When he did get a job he worked crazy shifts and we hardly saw each other. My friends were heading to the dominican and cuba and doing all sorts of things I never got to do – I was jealous. Now, I just finished my second degree a year ago, and since then we have been working the same schedule (for the first time in our relationship) we’re both making good money and will finally be able to afford to do some of the things we ‘missed out on’ in our early 20’s. I don’t regret any of it though
Post # 13
@sourcandy: I would love to travel. I’m trying my best to do things, inviting people over, planning an overnight stay in London (yay Harry Potter Stuido tour!!!) and ultimately I want to go back to Edinburgh, maybe for the Fringe Festival – and we’ve been looking for wedding fayres to go to… but it’s still depressing to want all those things and not have them actually happen…
Post # 14
why do you have to sit alone and bored waiting on your FI? join a club or oranization, start a club. what about a book club, a hiking club, a dinner club. this can include your current friends or you can look for new friends. just because you live with someone, doesn’t mean your life has to stop.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
When my Fiance and I moved in together I took up gardening. Its awesome, a stress reliever and so pretty. We live in an apt so you have way more space then I do. How I long to be able to put my baby plants in the ground
Post # 16
@ZebraPrintMe: I worked full-time during college, and I feel the EXACT same way about the college experience! My friends got to party and make friends, and I got to work 16 or 18 weeks in a row without a day off…
I’m definitely still jealous of everyone who didn’t have to work. But you have to do what you have to do!
Luckily, Darling Husband has friends who are permanent college kids, and I get a little taste of college life every time we visit them!
So I’m sure you’ll start going on little trips here and there, and you’ll start getting the fun traveling experience sooner or later!