Post # 1
I have a friend who has two boyfriends (all consentual). One is the more serious relationship (together 6 years), the other is less serious (but still, they’ve been together for over a year).
I imagine that she brings the longer-term boyfriend to social events, but he travels a lot for work and I don’t think he’ll be here for the wedding. If he can’t come, she would probably want to bring the other one. I also don’t know if they go out the three of them together – I don’t know what the nature of the relationship between the two men is, or if they consider themselves a 3-person social unit.
So I don’t know if I should address the invitation to her and both boyfriends, or to her and her longer-term boyfriend, or to her and ‘guest(s)’, or just to her and tell her verbally that she can bring either/both??
I’m probably just going to ask her, but I’m curious what your thoughts are.
This topic was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by .
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse
I’m struggling with this too, as my Fiance has a friend who lives with two men who are both her partners. Looking forward to seeing other’s answers!
Post # 3
Just put her name and guest?
Once she rsvps yes, ask her what her guest’s name is and that’s it! No need to get into more details 🙂
Post # 4
Yeah, I doubt Emily Post addresses this sitaution. I’d just ask her whom she would like to bring and address the invitations accordingly. I’d try to invite everyone by name and to their own address, but I’d follow her lead about which or both men.
Post # 5
I thought about that, but I’m wondering if ‘guest’ implies a bias towards monogamous relationships and excludes the possibility of all three attending? Yet, ‘(name) and guests’ sounds to me like a house party to which you can bring all your friends.
Glad I’m not alone 😉
Post # 6
If you are inviting all 3 people, then I would just list all 3 of their names. If you only have room for her plus one of them, write Girl Name + Guest. Seems to be the easiest!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion
I’ve seen invitations (like the ones we chose) where it allows you to fill in a space on the RSVP telling the bride & groom how many people will be coming… Maybe that would be your best option? That way you can leave the decision up to her! 🙂 As to addressing the invitiation, I would just address it to her since when you invite someone and leave a space for a +1 you don’t necessarily address the invitations to Ms. __________ and Guest… I think as long as you make clear that she can bring one, both, or none, that there will be no issue! It’s very ocnsiderate of you to try to make sure she can bring who she wants to the wedding! 🙂
Here’s what Emily Post says:
How to add “and Guest”<br />Since it’s awkward and impersonal to address the outer envelope as “Mr. James Smith and Guest,” the two envelope system works well. Address the outer envelope to “Mr. James Smith” and the inner envelope to “Mr. James Smith and Guest.” If you’re only using one envelope, include a short note with your invitation: “Dear James, You’re welcome to bring a guest to the wedding. Please let me know. Best, Laura.” If there’s time and James supplies the information, you can send his guest an invitation, too.
I’m sure you could adapt this idea to fit with the situation! 🙂
Post # 8
I would list all three on the invitation if you are able to accomodate and wish to include both partners. They can handle the RSVP themselves as to whether they consider themselves a trio social unit, or if she’d rather just attend with one of the partners. I think this is the best way to be respectful of their non-monogamous situation without being prying into how they conduct their relationship(s).
Post # 9
Personally, I’d call my friend and ask her if she would like a +1 or +2.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
I would probably just address it “[Friend’s Name] & Guest,” then personally let her know that both boyfriends are welcome & for her to just indicate who is coming on the RSVP when the time comes.
Post # 11
I’d simply call her and ask her preference in wording the invite.
Post # 12
I would list them all by name.
Post # 13
if someone has such an alternative lifestyle, don’t you think you can just casually ask her? It’d be pretty self-righteous of her to be offended that you didn’t properly word your invitation.
Post # 13
I would talk to her before sending out the invite, and say something like “I was just wondering if you were bringing (guy A) or (guy b) or both? I’m working on my invitations, and I don’t want to make an addressing faux-pas.”
If you’re good enough friends to invite her to the wedding, she won’t be offended by the question.
Post # 14
If you only have room for her to invite one or the other I would say “and guest” and let her know either is fine. (Technically it’s a little icky to just invite one of her partners, but since she’s more serious with one than the other I think it’s probably okay).
For the bee who is inviting a triad you adress it just like you would a couple living together but with an extra name. Ex) Mrs. Firstname Lastname, Mr. Firstname Lastname, and Mr. Firstname Lastname