(Closed) How to invite a polyamorous person's partner(s)?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

I’m struggling with this too, as my Fiance has a friend who lives with two men who are both her partners.  Looking forward to seeing other’s answers!

Post # 3
Member
2327 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Just put her name and guest? 

Once she rsvps yes, ask her what her guest’s name is and that’s it! No need to get into more details ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, I doubt Emily Post addresses this sitaution. I’d just ask her whom she would like to bring and address the invitations accordingly. I’d try to invite everyone by name and to their own address, but I’d follow her lead about which or both men.

Post # 6
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
arathella:  If you are inviting all 3 people, then I would just list all 3 of their names. If you only have room for her plus one of them, write Girl Name + Guest. Seems to be the easiest!

Post # 7
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion

I’ve seen invitations (like the ones we chose) where it allows you to fill in a space on the RSVP telling the bride & groom how many people will be coming… Maybe that would be your best option? That way you can leave the decision up to her! ๐Ÿ™‚ As to addressing the invitiation, I would just address it to her since when you invite someone and leave a space for a +1 you don’t necessarily address the invitations to Ms. __________ and Guest… I think as long as you make clear that she can bring one, both, or none, that there will be no issue! It’s very ocnsiderate of you to try to make sure she can bring who she wants to the wedding! ๐Ÿ™‚

Here’s what Emily Post says:

How to add “and Guest”<br />Since it’s awkward and impersonal to address the outer envelope as “Mr. James Smith and Guest,” the two envelope system works well. Address the outer envelope to “Mr. James Smith” and the inner envelope to “Mr. James Smith and Guest.” If you’re only using one envelope, include a short note with your invitation: “Dear James, You’re welcome to bring a guest to the wedding. Please let me know. Best, Laura.” If there’s time and James supplies the information, you can send his guest an invitation, too.

I’m sure you could adapt this idea to fit with the situation! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

I would list all three on the invitation if you are able to accomodate and wish to include both partners. They can handle the RSVP themselves as to whether they consider themselves a trio social unit, or if she’d rather just attend with one of the partners. I think this is the best way to be respectful of their non-monogamous situation without being prying into how they conduct their relationship(s). 

 

Post # 9
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee

Personally, I’d call my friend and ask her if she would like a +1 or +2.

Post # 10
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I would probably just address it “[Friend’s Name] & Guest,” then personally let her know that both boyfriends are welcome & for her to just indicate who is coming on the RSVP when the time comes.

Post # 11
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d simply call her and ask her preference in wording the invite.

Post # 12
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
arathella:  I would list them all by name.

Post # 13
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
arathella:  if someone has such an alternative lifestyle, don’t you think you can just casually ask her?  It’d be pretty self-righteous of her to be offended that you didn’t properly word your invitation.

Post # 13
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would talk to her before sending out the invite, and say something like “I was just wondering if you were bringing (guy A) or (guy b) or both? I’m working on my invitations, and I don’t want to make an addressing faux-pas.”

If you’re good enough friends to invite her to the wedding, she won’t be offended by the question.

Post # 14
Member
859 posts
Busy bee

If you only have room for her to invite one or the other I would say “and guest” and let her know either is fine. (Technically it’s a little icky to just invite one of her partners, but since she’s more serious with one than the other I think it’s probably okay).

For the bee who is inviting a triad you adress it just like you would a couple living together but with an extra name. Ex) Mrs. Firstname Lastname, Mr. Firstname Lastname, and Mr. Firstname Lastname

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