Post # 1
Fiance has a 4year old half sister… She lives full time with her mom and the birth of this sister has been a huge source of drama for the entire family. FI’s dad had a one night stand (ONS who happens to be FI’s aunt’s best friend and close friend of the family for at least 15 years) while casually dating FI’s stepmom and married stepmom a month after finding out that the one night stand was pregnant.. his entire family thinks “he should have done the right thing”
anyways… as a way to not insult my future father in law and his wife, -I- have chosen NOT to invite the ONS because I dont want any drama between them and I would like to start off on the right foot with FI’s Step. Fiance does NOT agree with this decision, he wants her there because of how close she is to the family.
SO… How do I invite a 4 year old Future Sister-In-Law but not her Mom? I dont want to do it and have ONS think she is included.
Post # 3
Whoa!!! That’s a tough one. I guess I would start by contacting her and asking if flower girl can be part of your day…and you would like her to attend with her father and his wife…hopefully that would get the point across. Otherwise, just be completely straight with her…chances are she won’t care anyway. Other than that….GOOD LUCK!!!
Post # 4
i’m pretty nervous about her saying no straight up… its not his weekend otherwise i would just send the invite along and include her in his…
I’ve told her we would like Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding and she kinda gave a little tude and said “we’ll see.. you’ll have to take her from Future Father-In-Law if you want her..” and Future Father-In-Law wont even let FSIL’s gramma and grampa take her on their weekends…
oy. or is it oi? i dunno. but in either case it makes me want to elope.
Post # 5
I think this is a very tough situation. However, is there any reason you are not working with Fiance to deal with it? Weddings aren’t about “I”, they’re about “We” and honestly, this situation seems to be about your Fiance much more than you. So forget about the “I have chosen to do this” or “How do I invite FSIL”: it’s his sister, his family, and his drama. So my advice is figure out the right course of action with Fiance and maybe his parents as well. Maybe they will decide to invite the girl’s mom. Maybe they’ll decide not to invite Future Sister-In-Law at all. Either way, it sounds like they will know best.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I would say that is pretty much entirely impossible. If she’s your flower girl, you pretty much have to invite her mother, unless for some reason your Future Father-In-Law, FSMIL and Fiance all agree that she shouldn’t be invited. If you want to avoid drama, pick a different flower girl?
Post # 7
What’s FI’s father’s relationship like with the ONS? Do they talk often and get along okay? If so, I think she should be invited…especially if it’s important to your Fiance. and sorry, I”m a little confused. The ONS said, “YOu should just take her from Future Father-In-Law,” but then you said it’s not his weekend with her. So he doesn’t have her that weekend? So what did ONS mean about taking her from FFIL?
Post # 8
“FI does NOT agree with this decision, he wants her there because of how close she is to the family.” Listen to your Fiance its his family.
Post # 9
I kind of agree with @girlwitharing, its your FI’s family so to be honest he is the one who needs to deal with it. If I were in your situation I would have my Fiance talk with his dad about getting her the weekend of the wedding because you guys want her in the wedding.
Post # 10
It’s your FI’s family. I think it’s ultimately his decision. If he wants her there, he wants her there. If he wants to navigate these tricky waters, so be it.
I’m guessing since Future Father-In-Law and ONS share a child, on some level, everyone is used to the awkward cordiality of it all.
Post # 11
I say you can’t have one without the other. And it’s mostly HIS say, and he should be making the decision (his family drama). I would say cut the flower girl or invite her mom- you can have both or neither.
I agree wiht ejs that it seems like they’re used to it since the mom is close with the family.
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park
I don’t think you CAN invite the daughter and not the mother. That’s a toughie, but if it means a lot to have the daughter there, you might have to bite the bullet and invite her mother, too- one night stand or not.
Post # 13
Sorry but I don’t think you can invite a child and not invite her mother. But don’t punish the child for adult drama.
Post # 14
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Honestly, I’m with the previous posters – I don’t think you can really invite a child and not the mother. Sorry!
Post # 15
If your future father in law has joint custody of the girl (has her on weekends), then I would ask him. He can work out the details of “who’s weekend” it is with the mother. I would include the flower girl’s name on his invitation and leave the mother out of it. If it’s his kid, then it’s his mess and let the future father in law figure out the logistics. If you were a friend of your future father in law from work or something unrelated to the “ONS”, then you might invite him and his wife and his children, regardless of the child’s actual mother. I hope that makes sense, but I would ask your future father in law for help on this. Or more so, have your Fiance talk to his dad and/or the mother since he wants his sister at the wedding.
Post # 16
Being a single mom I think you can invite the the child without inviting the mother only as long as the father is there. I wouldnt mind at all if my daughter were invited to be a flowergirl at a wedding and I werent invited as long as her dad were there with her