(Closed) how to invite flowergirl but not her mother…..

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Whoa!!! That’s a tough one. I guess I would start by contacting her and asking if flower girl can be part of your day…and you would like her to attend with her father and his wife…hopefully that would get the point across. Otherwise, just be completely straight with her…chances are she won’t care anyway. Other than that….GOOD LUCK!!!

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think this is a very tough situation. However, is there any reason you are not working with Fiance to deal with it? Weddings aren’t about “I”, they’re about “We” and honestly, this situation seems to be about your Fiance much more than you. So forget about the “I have chosen to do this” or “How do I invite FSIL”: it’s his sister, his family, and his drama. So my advice is figure out the right course of action with Fiance and maybe his parents as well. Maybe they will decide to invite the girl’s mom. Maybe they’ll decide not to invite Future Sister-In-Law at all. Either way, it sounds like they will know best. 

Post # 6
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I would say that is pretty much entirely impossible. If she’s your flower girl, you pretty much have to invite her mother, unless for some reason your Future Father-In-Law, FSMIL and Fiance all agree that she shouldn’t be invited. If you want to avoid drama, pick a different flower girl?

Post # 7
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What’s FI’s father’s relationship like with the ONS? Do they talk often and get along okay? If so, I think she should be invited…especially if it’s important to your Fiance. and sorry, I”m a little confused. The ONS said, “YOu should just take her from Future Father-In-Law,” but then you said it’s not his weekend with her. So he doesn’t have her that weekend? So what did ONS mean about taking her from FFIL?

Post # 8
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

“FI does NOT agree with this decision, he wants her there because of how close she is to the family.”  Listen to your Fiance its his family.

Post # 9
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I kind of agree with @girlwitharing, its your FI’s family so to be honest he is the one who needs to deal with it. If I were in your situation I would have my Fiance talk with his dad about getting her the weekend of the wedding because you guys want her in the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s your FI’s family. I think it’s ultimately his decision. If he wants her there, he wants her there. If he wants to navigate these tricky waters, so be it.

I’m guessing since Future Father-In-Law and ONS share a child, on some level, everyone is used to the awkward cordiality of it all.

Post # 11
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I say you can’t have one without the other. And it’s mostly HIS say, and he should be making the decision (his family drama). I would say cut the flower girl or invite her mom- you can have both or neither.

I agree wiht ejs that it seems like they’re used to it since the mom is close with the family.

Post # 12
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

I don’t think you CAN invite the daughter and not the mother. That’s a toughie, but if it means a lot to have the daughter there, you might have to bite the bullet and invite her mother, too- one night stand or not.

Post # 13
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sorry but I don’t think you can invite a child and not invite her mother.  But don’t punish the child for adult drama.

Post # 14
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Honestly, I’m with the previous posters – I don’t think you can really invite a child and not the mother. Sorry!

Post # 15
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If your future father in law has joint custody of the girl (has her on weekends), then I would ask him. He can work out the details of “who’s weekend” it is with the mother. I would include the flower girl’s name on his invitation and leave the mother out of it. If it’s his kid, then it’s his mess and let the future father in law figure out the logistics. If you were a friend of your future father in law from work or something unrelated to the “ONS”, then you might invite him and his wife and his children, regardless of the child’s actual mother. I hope that makes sense, but I would ask your future father in law for help on this. Or more so, have your Fiance talk to his dad and/or the mother since he wants his sister at the wedding.

Post # 16
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Being a single mom I think you can invite the the child without inviting the mother only  as long as the father is there. I wouldnt mind at all if my daughter were invited to be a flowergirl at a wedding and I werent invited as long as her dad were there with her

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