(Closed) how to invite flowergirl but not her mother…..

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
4 posts
  • Wedding: January 2011

I really don’t think you can, or if you did that would be extremely rude. The mother would definately want to see her child in the wedding. So, my advice is, either allow the mother to come, or don’t put the girl in the wedding.

Post # 18
2148 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have to say as the mother….I wouldn’t WANT to be there. My daughter was a flowergirl in her father’s wedding at 4…in KY and I live in NC. I had a mutual friend of mine and my daughter’s father safely transport her to and from KY and I talked to her each day. She is going to be with her father…not a stranger.As far as seeing her daughter being a flowergirl…her daughter will be dressed up on a lot of occassions…I could see it being important if her daughter was a flowergirl for her wedding or one of her family members…but that’s not the case.

Given the awkward history between the mother of the child, Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law (step-mom) I think that Fiance is being kind of insensitive to his step-mom’s feelings. Plus, if you invite her…you have to worry about where she sits…does she get the same status as your FIs step-mom as far as being seated with the family…what about at the reception? That would be too much for me on my day…rather she just not come.

Post # 19
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We had my husband’s son as our ringbearer. We REALLY didn’t want his mother (DH’s ex) to come, but we bit the bullet and invited her anyway, and she had the decency to decline and work out arrangements for my step-son to travel with another family member. If your Fiance thinks that ONS ought to be invited, I say do it and hope that she declines… I mean, I can’t imagine that it would be much fun for her to attend!

Post # 21
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

well, like the previous poster’s said…it’s not really your choice.  it’s his family, his drama, his decision.  so my advice is to work it out with him, if he insists, ONS should be invited.  if she wasn’t the mother of Future Sister-In-Law would you be ok with inviting her?  if the answer is yes, she should be included.  it’s HIS family and it seems like he wants her there.

Post # 22
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My nephew will be our ring bearer, and his mother and my brother are no longer together.  While they have joint custody, my nephew lives with his mother primarily.  She and my brother are on excellent terms, but I’m not inviting her to my wedding.  Because he’s a child, my nephew isn’t getting his own invite, he’ll be included as part of my brother’s the way any other child would be.

Post # 23
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yikes, that is a tough situation!  First, I think that your Fiance might have better insight into who, from his family, should be invited.  Maybe talk again about inviting flower girl’s mom?  If he wants her there…

But that issue aside, I think that you should invite flower girl THROUGH her father, Future Father-In-Law.  Just talk to him about it and let him make arrangements through her mother.  That way you don’t have to deal with that at all, don’t have to send an invitation.  I think it’s appropriate to send an invitation for a child TO the parent who will be attending with the child.

Good luck!

Post # 24
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

it is your FI’s family.  He should have the final say.  If there is drama bc of his decision then he can deal with it.  Also, a flowergirl should have her mother there.  Pick a different flowergirl and then don’t invite the old one or her mom.

Post # 25
16 posts
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would sit down and talk with your Future Father-In-Law and your Fi about it. Then talk “woman to woman” with your FSMIL, about what you are the boys talked about. It’s ultimately up to you AND your Fiance, but if you don’t want to step on toes, talk to the in-laws, as well, don’t just disclude them.

Post # 26
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well that is a sticky situation to say the least but why not have her father do it. It is his daughter. Can’t he have his daughter be in his son’s wedding without her mother there. I’m assuming he does have interactions with his daughter right?

Post # 27
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Won’t inviting the 1/2 sister produce the same result?

“Oh, who is that adorable little flower-girl?”

“That’s DH’s little 1/2 sister.”

“I didn’t know DH’s father & his wife had a baby!”

“They didn’t.”


So maybe just invite both??  You are in one tough pickle-I feel for you!

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