Post # 1
Hi fellow bees,
I have a question regarding etiquette when inviting significant others. We’re inviting all SOs.
For example, let’s say I have a friend who has a significant other whom I’ve met many times but I wouldn’t say I know him/her that well. The two of them don’t live together. What do I do with Save-The-Date Cards and invites? Do I send one to each of them individually, send one to my friend and say +1, or send one to my friend but addressed to both of them?
Post # 3
As you have met the SO several times, send one to your friend addressed to both of them. I felt so hurt when my boyfriend got an invite for his sister’s wedding that said “Hisname + guest.” We had been together longer than the bride and groom! We didn’t live together, but who did she think he was going to invite?
Post # 4
@pandaguin: Thanks for the advice. What do I do for SOs that I don’t know that well or at all? Do I follow the same procedure?
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
If someone has a SO, I would reach out to them to find out the name. Are you inviting people without SOs to bring a guest? That is the case where I would write “and guest”
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Find out the name and put both of their names (technically the woman’s on the first line and the SO on the second line, although if they are a same-sex couple I’d either put them in alpha order or the one you know better on top) and mail it to the one you know. If you’re inviting a plus one who isn’t in a relationship I’d still try to find out who they would plan to bring as a date and include their name on the envelope. “And guest” isn’t “proper,” but I’d probably do it if a date were allowed and I just couldn’t find out who they were planning to bring. You shouldn’t send a second invitation to the other half of a couple if you weren’t going to invite the other half independently.
Post # 7
For STD’s and Invites, for the SO’s you don’t know, I’d address it as: Miss Jane Smith and Guest
For those you do know (assuming you think they’ll still be together by the wedding), I would add both their names and send it to the party you are closest to (even if they don’t live together). Not sure if this is ‘proper’ etiquette, but it’s commonly done in my circles and what I plan to do.
Post # 8
For the people whose SOs we did not know, we called/emailed them and asked them the name and the correct spelling (actually in 3 or 4 cases I snagged the name off Facebook!). Then we sent the invite to the half of the couple that we did know. Like someone else said, I think it’s odd to put “and guest” when it’s perfectly obvious who the guest is going to be.
As a side note, my sister and her boyfriend each recieved their own invite to a wedding of the boyfriend’s friend. I guess they each got their own because they didn’t live together? Everybody agreed this was odd, and they only sent back one RSVP with both their names on it.
Post # 10
I’m doing electronic Save-The-Date Cards, though. How do I solve the problem in that case?
Post # 11
Aw, I didn’t realize that was proper. I felt all special when my name was included on an invite to SO’s cousin’s wedding, lol. 🙂
Post # 12
@pandaguin — It may have been seen as “odd”, but in fact it’s the only truly correct form. The idea is that, even though we all recognize that there really are “first class” and “second class” guests — the latter being those that you’re only inviting because you want their friend present, not for their own sake — you are never supposed to make that obvious.When you include one person on an invitation that you are sending to someone else, that’s what you are doing.
And you’re never supposed to treat other people as interchangeable cogs, which is what the “and guest” appellation does (not to mention that it starts to blur the line between a “private event” and a “public event” which can actually affect your liquor license in some places). I host a number of different formal events: I ALWAYS send everyone’s own invitation by name to their own residence. Yes, it is extra work on the hostess to find out all those names and addresses — but frankly, being a hostess IS a lot of work. This responsibility just comes with the role.
Post # 13
I wrote out the inside of the invite to both invitees and sent it to the one I know best. It seemed to work out really well and I think the relevant SOs were happy that I took the time to find out their full name and how to spell it correctly more than anything else!
Post # 14
My SO and I live together, so it isn’t so confusing anymore for people. Invites are just addressed to Mr. My SO and Miss. Me Myself or visa versa depending on who the primary invite is to.