- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Okay, so we got engaged in October and at first we wanted to have the whole wedding thing, but then decided it would be much, much easier to elope.
Why? Due to DF’s parents ruining every special occasion (including my 21st birthday!) and I didn’t want the stress of wondering how our special day would be ruined. However, recently, we’d been wondering if we were making the decision that we wouldn’t regret – I’d always wanted a wedding, and so had he – but finances and drama had turned us off from the idea. So we came to the conclusion, we would like to have a small wedding with as little drama as possible.
Dear Fiance has a big extended family, who he is not you would consider close to, they are very controlling and I, quite frankly, am not a fan of most of them and I think the feeling is mutual – they don’t make any effort in contacting us, it is always Dear Fiance who has to do so. When he does so, he admits it is out of guilt and obligation toward them. When I see DF’s paternal family on the street, they turn the other way and avoid me, so now, I do the same.
After we announced our engagement, we received cards and gifts from his maternal side, including his aunt and uncle who I have not met, and we haven’t had any contact with as they live on the other side of the country.
We received nothing from DF’s paternal side, apart from blatantly insincere congratulations. This isn’t about material items, but we would have appreciated a $2 card or something. It’s the thought that counts!
Dear Fiance says he doesn’t have an issue not inviting his paternal side, and a couple of the maternal side, and neither do I, but I know deep down Dear Fiance probably wants them there.
I could just imagine when they found out they were not invited and the other side of the family were, or my family were, all hell would break loose and they would no doubt find some way to ruin our day even without them attending.
Dear Fiance and I are very close to my family – my mum, my sister, my grandmother & grandfather, my aunt, her husband and her kids, my great aunt and her husband. I would not invite my two uncles as I have had little contact with them and if they were invited, it would only be so out of obligation. Where as if we were to invite all of DF’s parents siblings and their children, we would easily have 25 people. Where as if I were invite my aunt and uncle and my cousins (who are like siblings to me, and very close to DF!) – I would have 6!
See the dilemma?
How do we handle this situation?