Post # 1
I sent out my wedding invites a few weeks ago. The RSVP date is November 1st, for our November 22nd wedding.
My FI’s family is slowly backing out for various stupid reasons, so our number is drastically dropping from what we thought would attend. We invited 132, expected around 100. So far, we have 53 coming and are expecting about 75 by the end of it. Ridiculous.
So, for the rooms we booked at our venue, we have a minimum requirment of 102 people to avoid room charges. If we don’t meet this, we will have to pay to use the space instead of just based on consumption…if that makes sense. Not only that, but upon signing our original “contract”, our (first) coordinator said to write a “rough estimate” of the number of guests attending. She said we did not have to turn our final number in until 10 days before the wedding. We put 110. A new coordinator came in and said that was our minimum required amount- we could go up but we couldn’t go down. So, if 75 people come, we still have to pay 110. At ~75/person, I am not looking forward to paying for empty seats.
That being said, I have a few people I have been thinking of inviting. I originally decided against inviting them because either we were new friends and I didn’t really know them at the time Save-The-Date Cards went out, or I had to draw the line somewhere so we only invited our closest friends. Of course I would love not to pay for empty seats, but I would also love for as many people to join us as possible. We just originally had a very strict budget and didn’t want it to get out of hand. But the more the merrier at this point!
But, with our RSVP being so close, how do I invite them?? I feel like I can’t just send them an invite with the RSVP by date 5 days away….
Post # 2
I don’t think there’s an easy way to do it, especially since your “A” list was so big to begin with. It will be hard to explain that they didn’t make the cut. I would call them and come up with a nice script or take the losses.
Post # 3
I would just take the loss. Whoever you invite will automatically know they’re on the B list.
Post # 4
texaslemon: we had some invitations get lost in the mail – for real. We also had RSVP cards get lost in the mail – for real. I may or may not have pretended a few additional ones got lost in the mail to B-list a few people….(I may also be a horrible person, I know)
Post # 5
texaslemon: Just be honest. Tell them you really wanted to invite them but could not due to space or budget constraints, but since some of your family is unable to come you are hoping they can make it.
Post # 6
MsGinkgo: I thought about doing this! I know of 2 of our guests who never got their STD or invite. But, I don’t know some of their addresses…and that also doesn’t explain why they didn’t get Save-The-Date Cards lol. We can be horrible people together…
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Why don’t you redo the RSVP cards with a date further out and get them in the mail ASAP. Or have them on standby, ask them if they are attending (acting like you sent them initially) and when they have not, confirm their address and send them another with the new RSVP?
Post # 8
texaslemon: Honestly from a guest point of view I would rather be a “b” list than not invited! You gotta draw the line somewhere and relationships change so I would just be honest with the people you are thinking about inviting. If they are offended they will just decline. I think we all get so caught up in the little things in this wedding world we are now living in and most people in the real world wouldn’t think twice about getting a late invite!
Post # 9
MrsTtoB: I would, but I don’t have most of these peoples addresses..so it’s not like I could “pretend” that I sent them out already and they got lost. And we custom ordered our RSVPs. If we ordered edited versions, it would take about 2 weeks to get them back, which defeats the purpose.
MissHockey: This is true. I was thinking of just telling them flat out that I have enjoyed getting to know them over the past few months and would really like it if they could come. Then send them an invite so they had one.
Post # 10
texaslemon: I am having a B list but in order to accomidate I’m sending my invites out like 3 months early and asking a 3 week RSVP so I can adjust accordingly.
I say just gingerly ask the people for their addresses (like in the next 2 days) and mail them out (they will be none the wiser that they received them late)– give them 2 weeks to RSVP .. problem solved.. I think? lol
Post # 11
texaslemon: I don’t see any problem with that! How could you be offended if someone was honest with you like that! Especially if they are your friend! I am planning on possibly inviting some of my bridesmaids parents to the wedding if we have a lot of people cancel. I have already bought enough decor to host about 220 guests so I figure why not invite some extra people who may not have been on the list if people hadn’t cancelled. It’s not like you have tiered your friends from A & B.. this is life and nothing is so black and white. Sometimes this wedding etiquette stuff is so overdone in my opinion. lol
Post # 12
how much is the room fee?
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
texaslemon: I think that plan sounds fine. I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me like that. I know how hard it is…. I have a very strict 100 person limit. There are 102 seats at the location. So we’re inviting exactly 100 people.
Post # 14
texaslemon: I was once invited to a wedding as a B-lister and I was really happy I got invited. I agree with what PPs wrote about just being honest with them. I contacted a couple of B-listers this way by email and they weren’t offended at all. Most people understand that there are budget and/or size restraints anyway.
Post # 15
The correct answer is you don’t. And really, I would not. People can understand not being invited to a wedding, but nobody really wants to feel as if they are second choice, even if they put a good face on it.
I would approach this with the venue. Your original coordinator took an estimate that was not binding until ten days before. Was that spelled out in the contract? The new coordinator should not be able to pull that kind of a bait and switch on you.