How to keep calm about ceremony?? please help

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2267 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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appleblossom217 :  Do NOT drink before the ceremony. Alcohol will actually reduce your coordination. I’d try to focus on relaxation techniques like breathing and calming scents (lavender) To bring your anxiety down. Once the initial excitement wears off you will feel better… but yeah… don’t drink.

Post # 3
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I was super nervous about the ceremony too – I even ended up changing my wedding shoes from heels to something less risky so I wouldn’t have to worry about tripping. But on the actual day I didn’t even pay attention to the people….all that faded away and I just kept my eyes on my soon to be husband. The look on his face as he saw me walking down the aisle was priceless! I’m sure the same will happen to you. Best of luck 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I had this same issue. I hate being in front of people and talking. It was terrible. I had anxiety attacks over it.

However the day of the wedding I pretty much made it a point to only look at my now husband and the chaplain when I was repeating the things I needed to repeat. The chaplain made sure to only do a few words at a time also and made the vows as short as possible for me so I would have to speak less. All of those things helped and I managed to get through it. After that everything else about the wedding was a breeze 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2387 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wasn’t really anxious about the ceremony. I thought seriously about having some wine, but I decided I wanted to be completely sober when getting married. I was fine without it. I was glad when it was over because I didn’t have to stress about it anymore!! I’d say my feeling upon having the ceremony over was relief!

Post # 7
Member
1598 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Darling Husband and I were both pretty nervous – him moreso than me. On the actual day, I was blissfully unaware. My dad was walking me down the aisle and making me laugh, and I remembered “oh yea, I’m supposed to be looking at DH!” So I did… and then I really didn’t take my eyes off of him except to look at our officiant. And honestly…everyone else just melted away. If I didn’t see them, they weren’t there lol! Worked out just fine :).

Post # 8
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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appleblossom217 :  Some people have posted about doing a first look (or pre-look… I can’t remember what it’s called) where the bride and groom see one another before the ceremony. The thought is that it may help to calm nerves and be an affirming presence. Not sure if this would be something to consider for you.

Doing some relaxation breathing can help, and not everyone responds well to lavender as a calming smell. Have a small drink of champers if you’re feeling up to it, particularly if it helps with nerves.

And of course, enjoy yourself. All the people there are there because they love you and are celebrating you and your husband’s commitment to one another x

Post # 9
Member
9131 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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appleblossom217 :  

In addition to all the good advice  already here OP, perhaps you could practice some calming rational thinking .( that sounds heartless and even sarcastic but I mean it to be the exact opposite of that) 

What I mean is, whenever you start   thinking thing liek ‘omigod they will all be looking’  try and follow it up with something like ” and it won’t do anything bad to me, it can’t hurt me or make any difference to anything at tall, it is literally  just  people looking and smiling “

Should the ‘worst ‘happen and you look nervous or shaky or even trip or soemthign , same thing,   say to yourself ‘this really means nothing, so what  I look nervous , no one is going to forbid the wedding vows because of it . And If I trip , then I’ll pick myself up  The world will not end nor even slow down”    

Just keep on practising rational thoughts every  time you have the panicky  irrational ones.  

Post # 10
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee

Oh man i was SO scared before the wedding. I HATE attention, and somehow ended up with a 150 person wedding and I felt like I was going to be sick when I thought about it. I also have anxiety and often get anxious about ridiculous things like going to the doctor or having to talk to a cashier. 

But then the wedding day rolled around and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. I was too amped up on adrenaline to be all that nervous. I’ve literally been more nervous about making a phone call than I was on the day. 

Like others have mentioned I think one of the main things that helped me was doing the first look and wedding party photos before the wedding. We were all laughing and being silly while getting ready and doing the photos which helped me feel like i was doing it WITH my husband and all my best friends – not like all eyes were just on me. Having a couple of beers helped as well 😉 

(Great advice from 

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elderbee :  as well. That’s similar to the trick my therapist taught me to deal with anxiety in general and has improved my ability to cope with it enormously)

Post # 11
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee

I was terrified to the point of wanting to cancel. I’m such a shy person and hate being the centre of attention. In the lead up to tge wedding I just stayed busy. And I always called it ‘the wedding’ not ‘my wedding’ – it was like I was planning this beautiful day for somebody else, which helped a bit. 

The day of the wedding my Fiance and I went out for breakfast together – we always go to this bagel cafe when we’re in the city, and our wedding day was our 7th anniversary. The photog met us there for some sneaky photos before we got ready, just so we could get used to having them around. We then split up, and my girls arrived to start getting ready. 

As we got ready we had a heap of fun, but we didn’t actually talk much about the wedding. More like reminiscing on old times and lots of “omg you’re so pretty!” stuff. That helped keep my mind off what was actually happening. 

When we got in the car to go to the venue, I just stayed focused in my head on the moment right then. That was one of my biggest coping mechanisms and I still use it now. I looked at the detailing in the car, examined my flowers, noted the indicator, etc etc. Just staying in tge moment.

Once we arrived at the church everything happened so quickly. As I stood and watched my girls leave one by one I felt nervous, but then this surge of excitement took over. I could see everyone’s faces, but they were all friendly faces. My Darling Husband was waiting for me, my dad was right there with me… it’s a pretty powerful moment. As I walked down the aisle I subtly waved at my Aunty and she waved back. That helped ground me, idk why but I needed to feel like I was part of the group, not just the one being looked at. We walked slowly, I didn’t trip at all, and as soon as I got to my man and my dogs everyone disappeared.

I wanted to elope. A planned elopement, but just Darling Husband and I. I had the wedding and it was SO much easier than I thought, and I am so so so happy I did it. 

If you can, stop thinking ahead. Keep your mind on what you’re doing now, and what needs to be done next. Avoid dwelling on what it will be like, what might happen, how you’re going to feel, etc. You WILL be fine. If I can do it, anyone can! 

Post # 12
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee

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wolfeyes :  I just read your response and we didn’t do a first look, but YES to feeling more anxious over a phone call than the actual wedding day feeling. Unexpected and bizarre, but the adrenaline and excitement really does take over! 

Post # 13
Member
3837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yes I was really nervous! Just before we got in the car to go to the ceremony I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. But then, walking down the aisle was amazing! I remember suddenly feeling invincible, like my wedding dress was a suit of armour (in a good way). I looked out at all the people and I thought ‘all these people are here because they love me and my fiance, isn’t that amazing?’ I mean, I knew in my head that I would be surrounded by friends, but the reality of it was really powerful, it just felt so safe and supportive. And then once you’re up the front you will be with your fiance and the celebrant will be in control, so that will be fine. NO ONE will judge you for being emotional. In fact some of them will be just as emotional than you, or even more! As for tripping, it’s fine for the bride to walk slowly so you just go at your own pace with each step. And if you’re walking with you dad or someone then it’s almost impossible to actually fall down!

Post # 14
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee

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nonablu :  “But then, walking down the aisle was amazing! I remember suddenly feeling invincible, like my wedding dress was a suit of armour (in a good way). I looked out at all the people and I thought ‘all these people are here because they love me and my fiance, isn’t that amazing?’ I mean, I knew in my head that I would be surrounded by friends, but the reality of it was really powerful, it just felt so safe and supportive.”

This! Absolutely. I wasn’t even really a ‘wedding person’ and had no idea how amazing and meaningful it would be. It was 100 x better than I ever expected it to be (but to be fair i didn’t think i’d even like it).

Post # 15
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee

I just want to say I can relate. I’m so afraid I’m going to not just cry. But like ugly cry the entire time. 

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