- 4 months ago
this is going to be long, and rambling – and emotional, too.
some of you may remember my ex fiancé ended our relationship a month before the wedding.
I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve tried to give nothing but care and love in return for this incomprehensible choice. I’ve Tried to just stay kind, and take the high road.
He kept texting me daily with business stuff,
And I wanted him to leave me alone. But I thought “okay- I suppose this could just be that he’s tying up loose ends.”
This man, over the course of our relationship, has had me working for him for free – has had me set aside my own work and dreams for four years in order to support his. NO he didn’t make me, I’m not a victim, but he expressed zero interest and kind of belittled my work when I tried to share it. It was always his work, his world, his family, and everything else was minimized. (I promise I am coming to the point!) this man, over time, chipped away at my self esteem. He has eroded my identity, even. I feel in my gut that I can’t succeed without his help or belief in me.
I feel scared that he’ll badmouth me (like he does everyone else- that should have been my first huge red flag.)
i defended him. I stood up for him. I held him up. I made him out to be some kind of knight, when in reality I think I was being gaslit the entire damn time.
And now I find myself afraid. Afraid of the next hurtful thing he’ll do. Afraid of the next manipulation, the next moment when things will be twisted to put me in the wrong, to make me look crazy.
He told me that he was tired of being the “bad guy,” and he had hoped that if things got bad enough, I would just leave. Then when I asked him about it later, he said he didn’t remember saying that.
Bees who have been here- how did you recover? How did you get over the fear that your ex (or someone else) would keep stabbing you? I’ve done nothing- literally nothing – and he keeps stabbing at me. He provokes me to *any* kind of reaction, and then points at my reaction as some kind of proof that I am unstable or “to blame.” He has always hated to be wrong above all things, and will do anything at all to be right.
I am hurting so badly now. I was already depressed, but I’m not sure why he can’t leave me alone. He already dumped me- why must he continue to slice at me with his nasty little razors?
My therapist knows him- and now I feel like I can’t even talk to the therapist about it, as he’s probably been gaslit too.
I know I should just laugh at this fool. He’s throwing away a loyal human in me- and that’s his damn loss – and every time he pulls another stunt, he’s showing me what I escaped that I didn’t marry him.
I continued to believe the best of him. I’m such an ass, I even asked him during this exchange to work on things with me. Ugh.
it hurts like the blazes. I’d love any advice on how to deal with cruel exes … and to banish the fear. I can’t let him win.
Also, any insight as to why someone would continue to be on the attack after they broke up (and I’ve not said a word against him.)