(Closed) How to keep my FI from being murdered (by me) before the big day?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Pele:  Men can be really, really clueless about weddings. I was in the same situation with the DIY and getting stuck with most (ok let’s be real) ALL of the wedding planning responsibility when I didn’t want it, thanks to FI’s assumption that “it will all work out” even though I was the one that had to MAKE it work out. In my case, it was a struggle to get through to him, and honestly, I’m not sure that I ever did… it was more just that the wedding finally came and went. Don’t get me wrong, we are very happy together, but making lists didn’t work. Writing down verbatim what he needed to say and handing him the phone number to call didn’t work, and it ended being MORE work to just get him to do ANYTHING than to just do it myself… and it made me even more frustrated to be “that girl” that just “caved”. 

So my best advice? Talk to him, and be prepared to have the same discussion in the future. It’s all fine and dandy for those people who think wedding planning is just “pick the cake, dress and colors” but that isn’t the hard part… the details and the paying for it are hard. When he says that you don’t have much left to do, ask him questions about details. “So Fiance, how are we paying for this? How are we getting everyone to and from the venue? Etc.”

Look up a wedding checklist and follow it. I used the Knot (I know that may not be super popular here) and while it isn’t perfect, it was helpful. Give him a copy. Make a big poster of your exact expenses and deadlines for each one and put it on your wall. Put notes on your calendar. Get as many details as accessible and readily available as possible, because even if it comes down to you having to tell him you need him to call and pay, say, the florist NOW, you will at least be able to say the expenses and contact info are right where he can easily get to them.

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