(Closed) How to LET GO & FORGIVE my new step fmil ………

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@liveyourlife77:  Firstly I am sending virtual hugs. Complicated family situations are always difficult and it sounds like this is causing you some real stress.

Secondly, Its so exciting that you are 6 months away from your wedding. You deserve to be excited!

Thirdly, lets get down to the nitty gritty. I can’t even begin to put myself in your shoes so I can see why you are so stressed. I think the important thing is to hold on to what you know is true. If your future step mother in law (wow thats a mouthfull!) is saying things that are completely untrue then you need to hold true to the fact that you and your Fiance know that she is lying. The thing about that is obviously she is just trying to get under you and your FI’s skin by saying things that are untrue or bending the truth. You are in the right in this, situation not her. So hold fast to that!

I think also the attitude of his father is pretty bad. He isn’t treating his son like he used to and he certaintly is treating you differently. Again, unless you haven’t shared something with us it doesn’t sound like this is you or your FI’s fault. So as I see it again, he is in the wrong and you are in the right.

In regards to what I think you should do? Well family issues are never easy, everyone deals with them differently. Right now I think you need to focus on positive things in your life, your Fiance and your other positive family relationships. Don’t talk, focus or worry to much about this situation. The more you do, the more it upsets you. Focusing on happy and positive relationships is always a good thing and will alawys make you feel better about yourself! I know its easier said then done, but everytime you start dwelling on the negative think of something that makes you happy, or something a friend said that was positive, and slowly you will feel better.

My second word of advice is that as it is his father, I would suggest that your Fiance would approach his father on his own, either by phone or face to face, and without your FSMIL. I would suggest this is only after you guys have had time to reflect on the last conversation and think carefully about what he would say. I would suggest focusing not only what happened that was negative but try pushing the fact that he was getting married to you, that anything hurtful to you was also hurtful to him and that moving forward you are a permanent fixture of his life and nothing will change this.

As I said before this is really complicatied and I hope I have helped in some small way! Good luck with planning the rest of your wedding and I hope this family situation gets sorted sooner rather than later

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