(Closed) How To Let Go…?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Have you thought about going to counseling, either together or by yourself?  I know people are quick to jump on the counseling thing, but I really do think it could help in this case.  

Post # 4
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I might not have the best advice but this really works for me. I grew up with a mom who had drinking problems. After all the problems I moved in with my father and it took me a VERY long time to forgive her. I know this isn’t a husband situation but this really worked for me.

After all of the hurtful things in the past… which I will never forget… I have to tell myself everytime I get upset that this is a different time now. I’m now upset I missed out on time where I was so angry and upset. I truly missed out on my mom which was both of our faults but it still hurts that I couldn’t take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture… meaning she had problems that came back on me but she didn’t plan it that way, it just happened.

I know you’re hurt and angry and you probably will never forget because it will always be in the back of your mind. But if you take a step back and see it at he was at a very weak moment in his life. He lashed out and he can’t take it back even though he probably would. It doesn’t make what he did right but people do crazy things when they are at what they feel is the end of their rope. Maybe try to see it as emotions he had that while they came back on you he probably didn’t mean them to you… he just didn’t know what to do or how to deal with things. Instead of saying that he hurt you.

Don’t miss out on precious time being angry. In the long run you might be like me and be so upset you missed it. I don’ know if it helps but Good Luck and I know it’s hard .

 

Post # 5
Member
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with BoiledPNut.  I think you need to get to counseling to work through some of this.  Even if he is remorseful, he did hurt you quite deeply, and that’s not something that will just go away.  By talking it out with him and a professional, maybe you can find if there’s some hidden root of the problem, or a healthier way for your husband to deal with the stress. 

Best of luck to you!  

Post # 7
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@littleredshoes:  I’m really sorry you are going through this. And now my mom and I can’t even relate… she drives me nuts! I’ve actually posted about her being momzilla haha. Like I sad if I could do it all over I would.

I;m sorry about your dad. I know how that is.

Good Luck and it will work out 🙂

Post # 8
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

The “I’m going to leave you card” is out of bounds. That should never be said, unless he actually means it.

Frankly though… you’ve already talked it through, it’s in the past now, I would try and get over it. Try and find someone else to talk it out with like your parents, friends, or maybe even a counselor.

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Even if he won’t go to couselling, I think you should go. The problem is your hurt feelings and you’re the one who needs someone to talk to. If you can’t talk to him about it, how about friends, family, strangers? When I’m really, soul-crushingly upset, I talk to complete strangers (online). The more I talk about it, the less emotional I get.

Post # 10
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Just for perspective it seems as though 30k of your debt related loan related. This truly is not a huge debt for student loans (see: my 60k). They are generally pretty low interest. The other 2k in credit cards could be paid off in a few months of not buying clothes & eating at home. Obviously I don’t know your income & all that but this is manageable. In my perspective he needs to realize you’re in this together. Beyond looking at his over the top reactions you guys need a budget!

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