- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
Hi bees. I used to post here on a fairly regular basis under a different name. Created a new account specifically for this thead.
I’ll get right to the story:
My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years. The first year and a bit were a rollercoaster, but the problems really began when Darling Husband started to blame me for our money problems. I wasn’t working–I was looking for a job but coming up with nothing, and was very stressed about it. He wasn’t making much money, and in addition to our living expenses, we were overspending on stuff like clothes, going out to eat, nights out with friends…just generally living it up.
Darling Husband felt that me getting a job would solve our problems. Just some perspective: collectively, we’ve got about $35,000 in debt. Just under $30,000 of that is his student loan and $3,000 and change is my student loan. The rest is credit card debt.
He’s the type of person who bottles things up, then explodes. He’s getting better about that, thank the Lord, but before he started getting a handle on his emotions, he threatened to leave me on three seperate occasions, in the span of about four months.
He said some very hurtful, soul crushing things that first time. I cried and begged him to stay. He cried and begged me to forgive him, and swore it wouldn’t ever happen again.
The second time, I cried and asked him to think long and hard about his decision. Again, he cried, asked for forgiveness, swore it would never happen again.
The final time, I started packing his stuff into the car. I was so, so angry.
After that last time (no, he didn’t leave. I was almost done packing up his stuff when he begged me to talk about it…as if I were the one who’d just said they were leaving), we had a loooong talk. We’ve had several long talks since.
It seems that Darling Husband threatning to leave was an empty threat. He swears had no intention of ever leaving–he felt like a trapped animal because of the money situation, and was depressed because of the terrible threatment he was getting at his job. He was angry and felt helpless–but he was projecting those feelings onto me. He does have a history of depression, and used to take meds for it.
He’s since gotten a job where they pay him well, respect him, and that he loves. We’re chipping away at our debt. He’s also in grad school now, which is something he’s wanted to do since before he finished undergrad.
So, things have gotten much, much better…the thing is, I do not know how to let go of what happened.
I’m not afraid that he’s going to leave. I don’t worry about him resents me for not working (he actually prefers it for right now, due to his 6am-8pm schedule). I love him. I know that he loves me. Things are better than they have ever been…but once in awhile, my mind drifts back to those three incidents, and I am filled with hurt, anger, all those negitive emotions.
I want to forget about all of it, but I don’t know how, or if it’s even possible.
Any advice would be appreciated, but please don’t be too harsh. I truly believe that Darling Husband is remorseful, and that he won’t threaten to leave or actually leave again.