(Closed) How to let his ex-girlfriend know we're engaged

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee

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jassy.uhlin:  this isn’t highschool. If you’re so fixated on your fiancés ex-girlfriend, I think you’re to immature to be getting married.

Post # 47
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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TinderBoxx:  THIS!

If I were you, I would tell all my vendors that my name, my phone number and my email are the only ways of communication so that there is no way she can call up, pose as you, and change what you have ordered. And ask them to contact you if someone tries to change the contract claiming they are a family member or posing as you.

Post # 48
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Church

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jassy.uhlin:  

I feel your pain!!! My FI’s ex is a relentless stalker. Example, we have her phone number blocked, but does that stop her??? Nope she uses friends phone! I agree with everyone about ignoring her, she’s not worth the time. She’ll find out about the engagement, don’t worry. FYI, I wouldn’t put where my Wedding was going to be, you never know what jealousy will make someone do.

Congratulations 

 

Post # 49
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

That is awful. Announcing engagement will invite her to come up with more cruel things to do. I mean, it is a bigger challenge now. In her sick mind she will think “What can I do to not make this wedding happen?”. Block her, ask her directly to stop, go to police.

Also, what does you Fiance do and think about this? Why can’t he tell her directly to stop if he hadn’t already?

Post # 50
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee

slander<br />1. the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person’s reputation.

Go to the police! This is what she is doing to you and it is against the law. You can get a restraining order against her and you can sue her!

Post # 51
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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ali0118:  it’s not that simple.  Slander isn’t a criminal offense.  It’s a civil offense.  The OP can sue for damages only if she has suffered financial damage because of what this women said.  Or she can sue for slander per se (which means damages proven based on the nature of the slander).  In this case, saying someone has a serious, communicable disease could very well be slander per se, depending on where the OP lives.  But good luck finding a lawyer who will take that case.  It’s almost impossible to win a slander law suit.

As for the police, again that depends on where the OP lives, but chances are she has to show a little more than nasty gossip to get a restraining order. The OP has to have evidence.  (The same sort of harrassment happened to me once with my ex-boyfriend, he kept getting pizzas delivered to my house.). Good luck with getting the cops to trail that one.

Post # 52
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

If this is real, why would you want to escalate it? She sent a strange man to your house! Go to the police and stop trying to dream up ways to get under her skin!

Post # 53
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Why don’t you just block her from all your social media accounts. Don’t tell her your engaged she might try to sabotoage your wedding. I would just keep ignoring her Get a restrain order on her if you need to.

Post # 54
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by MxChinca.
Post # 55
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I saw something similar on a TV show recently, maybe 20:20? I think the woman was mad she didn’t get the winning bid on a house and set out to make the couple’s life miserable. Sending someone to the house for casual sex was something she did as well. Eventually she was arrested.

IIRC, she lost her home to foreclosure and then harassed the couple who bought it. And the craigslist ad was actually something like *I have a rape fantasy. Here is my address. Come break into my house and ‘rape’ me.* I believe the new homeowner was pregnant at the time or had a newborn at home with her. Men actually came to her house. How fucked up is that?!?!

Op, I find this interesting: I just want to show her my happiness in some way, and was looking for ideas.

You won’t be showing her your happiness. You will be showing her your gleefully mean spirit. There is nothing – nothing – ‘happy’ about wanting to *turn the knife*.  And it’s really kind of sad that you want to look back on your engagement that way. Not as ‘All I could think about was how happy we would be for the rest of our lives’. Nope. Your memories will be ‘It felt sooooo good to finally stick it to that bitch.’

That’s really sad. That you would even consider tainting your life moments and your memories like that.

She’s crazy. No doubt. And that should be dealt with to the fullest extent of the law. But you need to remove yourself from it emotionally. She clearly has issues. Major issues. Stop trying to be in some kind of competition with her where you desperately want to win so you can say ‘Na na na na na!! Iiiiiiiii wiiiiiiiiiiin!!’ 

Post # 56
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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jassy.uhlin:  She sounds mean and not-quite-right (convincing smear campaigns?). I can understand why you’re so focused on her, but the best thing you can do is move on. That sounds boring and hard (trust me, I know) but being angry is like “swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” You are in a relationship with her.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Syzygy88.
Post # 57
Member
22 posts
Newbee

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weddingmaven:  Thank you!! It was driving me nuts! I knew i had seen it somewhere before too, but i couldn’t remember what show 🙂

Post # 58
Member
7579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m calling shennanigans on anyone who says there is a person who has done scary things to them and wants advice on how to throw fuel to the fire. That is exactly what shoving your engagement in her face will do, and it’s not normal to want to do something like that to someone who has sent Craigslist hookup dates to your house.  What you should be doing is hiring a lawyer to write her a Cease and Desist letter, then going about your life, documenting any contact that happens once the C&D letter has gone out so that you can take criminal or civil action (depending on what, if anything, she does once she is on notice).

Post # 59
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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jassy.uhlin:  There definitely is enough to go to a lawyer about at least to threaten her with legal action for defamation/slander/libel.

This should at least be enough to get her to disappear even if it doesn’t actually make it to court. These kinds of people usually don’t like to be called out on their crazy, and if they know its about to be blown wide open and they can actually get punished for it, they tend to stop their behaviors.

Don’t do this back and forth with her by shoving your engagement in her face. This will only enrage someone like her because she will KNOW you are doing this on purpose. I would go about my life as normal, and enjoy my engagement. The only contact I would have with her going forward would be through a lawyer to put a stop to all this once and for all.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by MissJulianna.
Post # 60
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

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jassy.uhlin:  do nothing. I was in the same situation, and I think it’s only human nature to have these kinds of thoughts. anyone who denies that is lying. but obviously it really does not make you look like a very decent person to rub it in. even if you think you’re being subtle, it can come across as not. for me, I just waited and did absolutely nothing. I found out through the grapevine (several years later) that when she learned of our marriage, she reacted in the crazy way we expected. hearing the story was worth the wait. 

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