Post # 1
Hello! We are having a destination wedding in Miami Beach in June 2009. We don’t expect many guests… maybe 25… and have decided to make a weekend schedule letting them know where we will be and what we will be doing during the entire weekend. The only things we plan on paying for is the wedding/reception. We will be having dinner the night before on the beach (very casual) and want them to know they can join us… but that we aren’t paying. Also… we will be having breakfast the morning of the wedding… also… we don’t mind if anyone joins us but we just can’t afford to pay for all of this. The reception itself is going to kill us! Is there a proper way of wording this without sounding cheap?
Post # 3
hmm that is a toughie, perhaps you can include something on the website with your plans and the price ranges. Most people can take a hint when they see a price, it means its their dollar. OR invite them casually, like the week beforehand and mention its location and price range.
Post # 4
our friends are having a sunday brunch, they worded it as: "bride" and "groom" will be having brunch sunday at 10am. if you would like to see us one last time before we leave town please call the restaurant to make a reservation and ask to be seated near us so they can make appropriate accomodations"
maybe this will help you!
Post # 5
Also, since you don’t have many guests, maybe your parents and wedding party can help spread information by word of mouth.
Post # 6
I think psu01’s suggestion is the best one. personally, I’d be mildly mildly offended by a program that listed price ranges. it may be menu info, but it sounds like admission price to hang out with you even if it isn’t.
Post # 7
Spreading it by word of mouth sounds like your best option. I agree with Ms. Popcorn — if not offended I’d at least be a little put off by a price schedule.
Post # 8
I think word of mouth is also the best bet. If you’re not paying for these events, they’re not officially part of the weekend and probably don’t warrant a spot on a printed "schedule of events". I’d keep it to a casual verbal invitation: "Tonight we thought we’d grab drinks at Bar X, everyone’s invited."
Post # 9
The only problem with the word of mouth suggestion is that word of mouth doesn’t always get around. If only 25 people are going to be there, they’ll probably all be pretty close to the couple. In that case, it seems like the chance of offending them by suggesting they’ll have to pay for their own breakfast, etc, if they come to breakfast is much less than the chance they’ll be disappointed if they miss an oppurtunity to hang out with you. If breakfast, etc. is not hosted, they’d already have to pay for it, and most would rather spend more time with the happy couple than eat alone.
Something akin to the wording suggested by psu01 would work wonderfully.
Post # 10
As a bride, I wondered how to let people know that we were (or weren’t) paying for things, and as a guest, I’ve wondered if I would or wouldn’t have to pay for things. I appreciate knowing what’s going on ahead of time, and I wouldn’t find it at all offensive or off-putting if there was a clear but gentle indication that guests have to pay for certain things.
Post # 11
I believe it is officially called a "no host" event. We put the lunch the next day on the list of events as a "no host brunch at such-and-such restaurant starting around 11 am – we would love it if you joined us."
Post # 12
I think not paying for a breakfast the day of is fine but if you are asking people to travel for your wedding…you really should host a welcome/rehearsal dinner. Maybe rework the budget a bit to be able to cover this or something. I think if I were asked to pay to travel to a wedding and then also pay for every meal there (with the exception of the reception) I might be a bit miffed. Asking guests to foot the bill at the rehearsal is a bit tacky, if you ask me.
Post # 13
"No host" is the correct term. And while you can let people know that there are "no host" events throughout the weekend, I wouldn’t officially call one of those events the Rehearsal Dinner, and I wouldn’t officially "invite" your guests to these events. Maybe an informal note included with the invitation, and listing the various "no host" events that you have planned – or even a page in a general information packet that you send to them discussing accomodations and such. I generally agree with arm87 that if you’re not hosting the breakfast or dinner, your guests pretty much have the option to attend or not, as they like. On the other hand, as your guests, I’m sure I would understand – just because you’re inviting me to a Destination Wedding doesn’t imply that you’re offerring to pick up the cost of all the meals.
Post # 14
I have to agree with Mrs.Spitzer, I think if you’re having a destination wedding and everyone is flying in, it’s polite to have another hosted event. It may not be required by etiquette, but I think I’d be a little miffed.
Post # 15
Well people being upset or not… we honestly cannot afford to spent $2000 on food for our guests… and that is what it would cost if we did both dinners. We are not having a rehearsal dinner because there is nothing to rehearse… no wedding party or anything. We basically told people we are getting married in Florida… we understand if you can’t come but if you feel like making a vacation out of it we’d love to see you there. So I guess I don’t feel like we should have to pay for more than the reception. I think spreading it by word of mouth will be our best bet… and most of our guests will understand. And since our guests are doctors, lawyers, etc… and we are pretty much poor… I don’t think anyone will mind much.
Post # 16
I sent an email to my 30 guests for the weekend lineup and this is what I said:
Friday, November 7th
Nothing "official" planned. Assuming you will be able to arrive in time for dinner, let’s grab a bite, drink beer, and celebrate being legally single for one last night!
Then I’m spreading the word that we’re not having a rehersal dinner, that we’ll be at such and such place if they want to eat! We are paying for Brunch assuming people are still around.