(Closed) How to limit guests with no hurt feelings?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

Hello! This is really hard, as people’s feelings will be hurt no matter what. We also had a small wedding, with 50 people including us. We invited around 70 but most of our guests had to travel 8 hours since we live in a different state than my husbands family. Depending on if most people are local or not, the percent of people who can’t attend usually varies from 10-30% I believe. So keep that in mind.

However, if you really only want to invite 50 then start spreading the word that while you wish you could invite more people, your budget or space or whatever the reason is wont allow it. People will be upset but they’ll get over it. 

Post # 3
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

When you say that inviting ALL your family would bring you to 60+…. that’s really not a huge difference, so I would do everything possible to invite the other 15 or so people.

That said, we went with a domestic destination wedding partly to avoid this issue. My grandmother was one of nine children; if we had invited all of my mother’s first cousins and their adult children, we would have been adding 50 people to the list.

Post # 4
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I agree that it may be worth inviting all the family. It depends on what reason you have for wanting to keep at 50. Is there any flexibility if it’s a budget restraint? You’ll have declines one would think.

Post # 5
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

I agree that to me, 10 more people isn’t a big deal, especially if you’re already expecting 5 to decline, then that means you’re only adding 5 more.

If you really don’t want to hurt feelings then find a way to invite them, otherwise just be honest that you wish you could invite everyone but due to budget restraints/whatever you cannot.  You probably will hurt feelings and there’s no way to avoid it.

Post # 6
Member
7601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I believe the OP’s statement that inviting all her family would mean 60 people means there’d be 0 space for the groom’s family. 

Post # 7
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

Since grandma is the family gossip she needs to understand everyone isn’t invited and maybe she will start gossiping about that.

Post # 8
Member
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OP means just her fam would be 60 people. This is not including friends or her husbands family. 

 

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If you do mean your family would be 60+ then grandma will need to un-invite people! That’s not appropriate at all. Just invite who you want to invite.

Post # 10
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
caselicious:  I’m sorry bee but I don’t think it’s possible to tell some family members they’re not included and expect that they won’t feel hurt. Why not cut back somewhere and invite the other 10 people?

Post # 12
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell your Grandma to spread the news that it’s going to be a very small wedding. It really wasn’t her place to invite people, she should be the one to break it to them. Otherwise, I’m sure they’ll figure it out once the invites go out. You tell people when they’re invited, you can’t really go out of your way to tell someone “you’re not invited” without them feeling hurt.

Post # 13
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

Simply tell people that you’re having a small intimate wedding with only immediate family – absolutely nothing wrong with that!  As an extended family member, I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t invited because the couple chose to have a small wedding.  Better to let them know sooner than later though, now that your grandma has set peoples’ expectations!

Post # 14
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is nothig wrong with having an intimate wedding for immediate family only. Other people’s feelings are their problem, not yours.

If invitations have yet to be mailed, then I would do nothing. They will know they are not invited when they do not receive one.

If you have any concerns that the people that Grandma invited will actually show up, then I would speak with them to clarify that you are unable to exxtend an invitation to everyone you would love to join you.

You can also make sure you reference your “intimate, immediate family only wedding” any time you are with any of your familly in the next few months.

Post # 15
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

I had a similar sized wedding and found that because it was so small, people were very understanding about the guest list. I’d caution you against assuming a certain number won’t come though. Because we invited such a small group, basically everyone came. I had one friend from out of town who couldn’t make it but that was it (so just one no!). I think with a larger wedding we would have had more regrets.

The topic ‘How to limit guests with no hurt feelings?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors