Post # 1
We are trying to keep the guest list under 50, which we are at exactly 50 already, but we think that about 5 of those people wont be attending. I told my grandma that we were trying to keep it small, which is really hard to do with my very, very large family (if I invited ALL of my family, we’d easily have about 60+). Being as excited as she is about the wedding, and as gossipy as she’s always been lol, she went and started telling eeeeeveryone about the wedding. Now, extended family that we hadn’t planned on inviting, are talking about going and how excited they are for us. I don’t have the heart to tell them no, cuz they are a part of the family, but we cannot go over 50 guests. How would you not invite them without hurting their feelings?? I really dont want to upset anyone 🙁
Post # 2
Hello! This is really hard, as people’s feelings will be hurt no matter what. We also had a small wedding, with 50 people including us. We invited around 70 but most of our guests had to travel 8 hours since we live in a different state than my husbands family. Depending on if most people are local or not, the percent of people who can’t attend usually varies from 10-30% I believe. So keep that in mind.
However, if you really only want to invite 50 then start spreading the word that while you wish you could invite more people, your budget or space or whatever the reason is wont allow it. People will be upset but they’ll get over it.
Post # 3
When you say that inviting ALL your family would bring you to 60+…. that’s really not a huge difference, so I would do everything possible to invite the other 15 or so people.
That said, we went with a domestic destination wedding partly to avoid this issue. My grandmother was one of nine children; if we had invited all of my mother’s first cousins and their adult children, we would have been adding 50 people to the list.
Post # 4
I agree that it may be worth inviting all the family. It depends on what reason you have for wanting to keep at 50. Is there any flexibility if it’s a budget restraint? You’ll have declines one would think.
Post # 5
I agree that to me, 10 more people isn’t a big deal, especially if you’re already expecting 5 to decline, then that means you’re only adding 5 more.
If you really don’t want to hurt feelings then find a way to invite them, otherwise just be honest that you wish you could invite everyone but due to budget restraints/whatever you cannot. You probably will hurt feelings and there’s no way to avoid it.
Post # 6
I believe the OP’s statement that inviting all her family would mean 60 people means there’d be 0 space for the groom’s family.
Post # 7
Since grandma is the family gossip she needs to understand everyone isn’t invited and maybe she will start gossiping about that.
Post # 8
OP means just her fam would be 60 people. This is not including friends or her husbands family.
Post # 9
If you do mean your family would be 60+ then grandma will need to un-invite people! That’s not appropriate at all. Just invite who you want to invite.
Post # 10
I’m sorry bee but I don’t think it’s possible to tell some family members they’re not included and expect that they won’t feel hurt. Why not cut back somewhere and invite the other 10 people?
Post # 11
The 60+ people would be my family only. To add my fiance’s family, we’d be looking at about another 25 or so. We have to stay under 50 because that is the limit for our venue, and we really wanted to keep it very small. It’s basically only immediate family at this point, which is perfect. I just dont know how to tell those that my grandma already jumped the gun on, and my grandma’s response is: “Woops! Just invite ’em..”
Post # 12
Tell your Grandma to spread the news that it’s going to be a very small wedding. It really wasn’t her place to invite people, she should be the one to break it to them. Otherwise, I’m sure they’ll figure it out once the invites go out. You tell people when they’re invited, you can’t really go out of your way to tell someone “you’re not invited” without them feeling hurt.
Post # 13
Simply tell people that you’re having a small intimate wedding with only immediate family – absolutely nothing wrong with that! As an extended family member, I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t invited because the couple chose to have a small wedding. Better to let them know sooner than later though, now that your grandma has set peoples’ expectations!
Post # 14
There is nothig wrong with having an intimate wedding for immediate family only. Other people’s feelings are their problem, not yours.
If invitations have yet to be mailed, then I would do nothing. They will know they are not invited when they do not receive one.
If you have any concerns that the people that Grandma invited will actually show up, then I would speak with them to clarify that you are unable to exxtend an invitation to everyone you would love to join you.
You can also make sure you reference your “intimate, immediate family only wedding” any time you are with any of your familly in the next few months.
Post # 15
I had a similar sized wedding and found that because it was so small, people were very understanding about the guest list. I’d caution you against assuming a certain number won’t come though. Because we invited such a small group, basically everyone came. I had one friend from out of town who couldn’t make it but that was it (so just one no!). I think with a larger wedding we would have had more regrets.