Post # 1
I’m starting to think about wedding invitations and how to do the wording.
My mom and stepdad are paying for the majority of the wedding. FI’s parents have said they’ll contribute and do the rehearsal dinner, but we haven’t really gotten down to the nitty gritty of actual financial details. I think, since we are close with his parents (arguably closer with him than with mine, who don’t want me to have a wedding) and because we are the first in our families to get married, that it would be a nice gesture to have their names on there too. Since my mom has a different last name than I do, I figure my last name will have to appear.
The really touchy subject is my dad. My dad is one of my best friends, and we have a phenomenal relationship. This makes my mother furious. He is going to be walking me down the aisle (I had asked my stepdad as well but he said no). This has caused no shortage of stress, stemming from threats for my mom not to contribute what she agreed to. She says if my dad loved me, he would contribute. I’m grateful for her help, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think that money = love. My dad and I have had several heart to hearts and he is devastated that he can’t contribute. His finances are just bad. He is paying child support, there are recent medical bills, and he also lives in an area where salaries are lower, etc. I don’t think he should be penalized because he isn’t a doctor like my stepdad. Plus if he is on there, I don’t need to add last names to the design of the invites since he adn I share a last name… I also wouldn’t need to do “Dr and Mrs Stepdad’sLastName request the honor of your presence at the marriage of HER daughter” thing that etiquette books recommend doing in these circumstances. (I’ve known my stepdad since I was 9 and he has been a father to me. One of my two fathers)
He is going to contribute in some way, but he just isn’t entirely sure how, and it won’t be anywhere near what my mom and stepdad are.
Do I list my dad on the invitation too? He’s still my dad, as much as that upsets my mom (but you know, it actually is her choice that he’s my dad. They were married and she chose to keep me, soooo….)
Post # 3
You would list all parents, but we had a situation like yours and just put in together with their families
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@Salted_Caramel: I found this online:
Bride’s divorced parents are hosting // divorced parents are remarried // formal wording // religious location
Mr. and Mrs. Zachary Richard Bronson (Mom and step-dad)
Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Lewis Manning (Dad and step-mom if you have one)
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Amelia Rose Manning
Mr. Liam Quinlan Cullen
Saturday, the fifth of June
two thousand and thirteen
at half after ten in the morning
Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception
Syracuse, New York
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Salted_Caramel: Our parents are divorced, remarried, and somewhat complicated. We decided to leave them off the invitations entirely to avoid hurt feelings. Our invitation read “Please join us barefoot on the beach as Bride and Groom are joined in marriage.”
Together with their/our families is always a good option as well. I think invitations look crowded and overly done when more than 2 sets of parents are listed. List them all in the programs if they want their names somewhere; you can also add a special thank for their contributions in the program.
Post # 6
I’m not in the exact same situation, but somewhat similar.
I think we are going to either list “with their families” or leave everyone else off entirely.
For the record, though, we’ve already asked my parents (who are the only ones helping to pay at all) whether they would be offended if we left everyone else off or listed everyone all together and they don’t care at all.
Post # 7
Why not just do “together with their parents Salted Caramel and groom’s name request the pleasure of your company…” without having to include the names of your parents and his parents?
Post # 8
@Salted_Caramel: Would it be possible to pay for the wedding yourselves? That way you mom doesn’t have anything she can hold over you and your dad won’t feel guilty. Plus, it’s soooo much less drama if you don’t accept money from other people, no matter how good their intentions might be. Otherwise, something like “together with their families” might work.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@MrsTate: I like this idea best!
Post # 10
For my first wedding we had formal invites and had divorced parents. We just put “together with their parents.”
Post # 11
I do not like the togethor with their parents. If someone is funding wedding, they deserve to get their names on. If inlaws are paying for Rehearsal Dinner, their names go on that invite. I do agree with the comment that to eliminate tension, dont take money from anyone.
Post # 12
“Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] request the honor of your presence/pleasure of your company/etc”.
I had a similar situation; messy divorce between my parents, mom remarried for 10 years, dad with his girlfriend of 20 years, my grandmother contributing a lot, DH’s parents contributing, etc… It got too messy to start listing names. Darling Husband wasn’t happy about it, because he wanted the very traditional wording, but I showed him how cramped it would look with all the names, or even with just my mom and dad’s names, since they had different last names, and he still was on the fence, so I told him, fine, you negotiate whose name goes where with my parents, and you can list it however you want. He stopped caring after that 🙂
Post # 13
We’re in a similar situation, and it’s kind of reassuring to know that others are going through the same thing as this was really troubling me today (we’re at the stage of finalising invitations too).
Both my and FI’s parents are divorced, and my father is deceased. The idea is that we’ll split the cost of the wedding in thirds (us, his father, my parents) but his dad has been so difficult about the whole thing that my parents will probably end up paying the lion’s share. Rather than trying to list out everyone’s names and drawing attention to the fact that it’s a pretty fractured situation, we’re just going to go with ‘together with their families’ or ‘with our families’ depending on the wording.
Post # 14
I’d also just pay for my own wedding and then leave all parents’ names off the invitation. When people contribute financially, it gives them a say, and I just don’t want to deal with that. If it means a longer engagement to save up for the kind of wedding I want, so be it!
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
@Salted_Caramel: In this situation, I wouldn’t list any of the parents by name. Instead go with something that is all inclusive like “Together with their families, A & B request the honor of your presence as they exchange wedding vows … (followed by the date and time).” That’s what we did and it worked out well. No one had any complaints. I’m also a child of a messy divorce with parents who contributed different amounts.