Post # 1
I have a great friend who is hella annoying sometimes, and I need some suggestions on how to deal with and help her cope with life situations.
She gets bent out of shape All the time about stuff, and vents out to me about issues that don’t seem that important to me. That’s the problem, though. She needs someone to calm her down, but sometimes it irritates me what she is complaining about. She lives on her own and is far from family, so we hang out a ton. Pretty much it’s always First World Problems that are minor to most other people, but to her, she will call up managers, send off emails, etc. etc. I want to be able to be there for her to vent to and just be there as a friend because really, we’ve known each other forever and she is funny and smart and awesome, but sometimes I seriously just want to be like, STFU!!! Everything is okay! You’re over-reacting! I mean, sometimes there is basis to the issue, but I feel like a lot of times it’s blown out of proportion to what would be appropriate for the situation.
I’m pretty chill about most things in comparison (perhaps I was sheltered and naive growing up), but I want to stay friends with her, so I want to be more compassionate and caring. Tips?
(btw, I really don’t want to come off as an uncaring, terrible person. It’s just, sometimes, I believe you need to pick your battles: WHY go through an immense amount of effort because someone drank your diet cokes?? WHY? Just let it gooooo… or am I completely wrong? I will try to change myself if I am. I want to be a better friend, because other than that, we are seriously bff’s)
Post # 3
Maybe you should give yourself some space from her, since you hang out with her a ton. Hang out with other friends some. This way, maybe it can act as a buffer against her whining when you see her and it’s easier for you to handle when it’s in small doses.
If you really value her as a friend, that’s what I would suggest, just limit the time you spend with her. Or perhaps hang with mutual friends together so you don’t have to deal with it alone?
If you don’t value her as a friend, then I would eventually distance myself to a point where you don’t see her at all.
Hope I helped a little! I know friends like that can be frustrating.
Post # 4
I have, or should I say, had a friend like this. I couldn’t stand it and after a while I stopped talking to her It’s a shame, but it’s a draining listening to someone bitch constantly! I reccomend getting some space. If you really want to keep this friendship alive, be honest. You don’t have to be mean! One time, some one said to me, “Man, MrsMonkey, I’m sorry you’re stressed…but you’re really bumming me out! Let’s focus on something happy, ok?” That snapped me right out of it.
Post # 5
I went through some group counseling awhile back. It basically taught me to retrain how I think. I tend to overreact and get stressed for nothing. When I would talk about how terrible, stressful, impossible some person or situation was my counselor would calmly say “is it” terrible, awful, the end of the world. At first I defended my position and then slowly I changed my way of thinking.
My aha moment came the day I drove past my exit on the turnpike because I was enjoying the fall foliage. One hundred miles later I arrived and it wasn’t the end of the world.
When your friend goes off on a rant, maybe try this technique with her. Worked on my husband.
Post # 6
I like what Pam above says. Try that. We all have someone in our life with this problem. Hopefully I’ll remember it myself!
Post # 7
@Pamelor55: thanks for this tip. I will try it out, but I’m just worried that she’ll get upset that I’m doubting her opinion. Argh, people!
Post # 8
I know it’s a challenge. Here’s a simple example. How many times have you called yourself an idiot because you did something as miss an exit or some other minor error. Next time, challenge it. Say to yourself- “am I really an idiot because I made a wrong turn”. The key is to be completely calm and non-confrontational when you try this.