(Closed) How to live with super-clean-freak + OCD person?!!

posted 11 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas

I’m not sloppy, but I’m definitely not the neat freak of the relationship. He is so organized that I feel like a slob being around him sometimes! Everything has it’s place in both of our eyes, but he puts stuff away when he’s done and I tend to leave my clothes behind the bathroom door after a shower for a day or two and throw my plates in the sink. I’ve learned to be more conscious about where I leave things and he’s grown to know that my stuff will eventually be put away. It’s all a learning experience!

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Has your fiance actually been diagnosed with OCD? If not, I would suggest he go to a psychologist because it truly does sound like he may have OCD. Sounds like he has issues with contamination and his rituals for dealing with that take up a lot of time.

Post # 5
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would say if he agrees to go and does get diagnosed or is already diagnosed then maybe you could go to a psychologist together and they could help the two of you work this out.

Post # 6
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree with Bamboo. This does not sound like your typical “he’s a neat freak and I’m messy” situation (which is where I am). This sounds like a diagnosable condition that could be helped with counseling, but quite possibly not without it. I would ask him gently if he would consider going to talk to someone about it with you.

Post # 7
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

As a peson that formerly had OCD, please ask him to seek help and support him through this.  He has OCD, no question about it.  I ended up being on two medications for about 9 months and that was 11 years ago, been OK ever since.

Fiance is super neat and I just do “my chores” and if he goes behind me and does them again then so be it. I try not to think of it as a personal attack and just realize he likes things a certain way.

Post # 8
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i agree with the others, he should definetly seek some professional help. first of all, my brother has ocd, it sounds like you’re describing him, and oh wow more power to you for having the patience for putting up with those behaviors! it’s not about you being sloppy, it’s about what’s going on in his head. he might resist going to therapy or a doctor because it’s scary to think about not doing those behaviors anymore and not having the thoughts that he’s used to having, and if he is like my brother he won’t want to take medication because he will be scared of how that will effect his body, but for the sake of your relationship i would start that conversation.

Post # 10
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hey Annie,

It does sound like your Fiance may have OCD. My Fiance doesn’t have OCD, but he can be extremely anal about germs and such, so I can relate to your statements about having dates ruined by his behavior. For example, I have long hair, and a few stray wispy hairs usually fall in my face and cause it to itch. I am constantly brushing them aside. My Fiance turned to me in the grocery store yesterday and stated “you are touching your face too much!! You have to stop!”. I knew he was probably freaking about germs. He also washes his hands much more than the norm. I even picked up a piece of litter on the street once to put in the garbage can and he was horrified I touched some garbage.

Your fiance may be resistive to you pointing out problems with his behaviors, because he already sees you as “not neat enough”, so to speak. But he definitely needs to get some help. You are right, his biggest challenge will be making changes to his behaviors.

I will be thinking about you!

Post # 12
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree.  Could you lovingly ask him to get some professional help with this?

It is a bit beyond just being a neat freak. 

Hugs to you and a wish that you two will get thru this together 🙂

Post # 13
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

My ex wife was that way. She didn’t like how I did certain things. But eventually I got used to her ways. I’m pretty clean person but there are few things I let slide almost daily.

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