Post # 1
Hi bees, recently DH and I started TTC and already, sex feels not so fun anymore and it’s just the beginning!
After so many years together, our sex drives were never that high, maybe 3-4 times a month. DH has a demanding job so he’s always tired. With aunt flow arriving on cycle 1, we decided to just BD every other day for cycle 2 to see what happens. But damn, after about 2 weeks of BDing every other day, sex feels tiring. I’m tired. I know my DH is tired. Everything feels tiring. I’m starting to think, “let’s get this over with” during sex and it makes me sad!
So bees, got any tips on making sex during TTC more fun? I know this is just the beginning and I don’t want sex to become a chore. I wish I agreed to start TTC sooner.
Post # 2
This sounds exhausting lol! Do you have fairly regular cycles? Do you get wet or EWCM in the middle of your cycle? Do you have a few days where you feel particularly in the mood during your cycle? Could you use the answers to those questions to figure out a span of time (7-10 days) when you’re likely to ovulate? During that span BD every other day, and the rest of the time only when you feel like it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
We BD every other day only around the time I’m ovulating. We don’t temp or anything, just go based off a period tracker. I’m very conscious of not turning sex into a bore chore, so outside of that window we have sex when we feel like it. And honestly if one of us isn’t in the mood, we just don’t do it. We both want sex to be fun and enjoyable every single time we have it. It’s very important to us to not let TTC ruin that for us.
Post # 4
I had to look BD up, thinking it must be some esoteric sex practice. lol.
Post # 5
lalanono : MiniMeow :
Thank you so much for the replies, bees! I do use a period tracker and take notes of my CM to predict my ovulation. Those were what I used for cycle #1 and we only BD during that “predicted” window. And I guess because cycle #1 “failed” for me, I wasn’t sure how reliable my predictions were so we decided to just try BD every other day and see how it goes. (I also read online and old threads here on WB to just try every other day so that’s what we decided to do this cycle).
I don’t want to use OPK or temp until I really have to because I know I’ll be even more stressed out. Maybe I’ve gone a bit pyscho? Haha.
Post # 6
LOL sorry, BD=baby-dance/sex during TTC haha.
Post # 7
I don’t know if I have any good advice on making it more fun, but I agree with pp about tracking your cycle to narrow down the window when you feel like you must BD. I think OPKs in particular could help. After a few months BDing on a schedule got super old for us too, and there were many nights where we sucked it up anyway and a few nights where one of us said we weren’t up for it and that was ok too, especially if I hadn’t gotten a positive OPK yet. On the days I got a positive OPK (for me the day before O based on temping), we always BDed. That way we always felt like the most important day was covered, despite how we felt the rest of the month. I think the fewer days it feels like an absolute necessity, the more random BDing you’ll have that’ll feel non-TTC and fun.
ETA: I just saw you don’t want to use OPKs yet, which is totally fair! It does all make you feel crazy. CM is pretty reliable too, so hopefully that helps you narrow down when its really key to do it and when you can relax!
Post # 8
mus1ca1xo : Honestly, tracking my cycles with OPKs, temping, and paying attention to CM was the best way to go about it for us. My husband has a low sex drive due to his anti-anxiety meds. We only BD around our fertile window. After having our first kid, and once I got my cycle back, my hormones are much, much stronger, so my sex drive is much higher in my fertile window. Honestly, it’s rough getting turned down so much. Right now we’re not TTC *too* hard, but I do worry what it will be like again this next time around. It took us 9 cycles last time, and we still BD’d 2-3 times in our FW. But it was like pulling teeth sometimes. I would buy aphrodisiac scented candles and bath bubbles for my husband to get him in the mood.
Post # 9
It was a chore, just a box to check off. But it’s not like sex is unfun forever, it’s just a specific type of sex for a specific amount of time. I wouldn’t try to go EOD all month, that sounds exhausting. I’d aim for EOD for a specific 10 day window. If you’re fairly regular then your app is probably fine. I went with OPKs just to minimize the amount of chore sex we had to have. That should leave you with roughly 2/3rds of the month to be romantic and do whatever you want. If you’re feeling sexed out, try for other types of romantic closeness and see what happens. Try not to worry, this is just a small portion of your life together as a couple – it is not an omen of things to come.
Post # 10
sex does kind of become a chore when you’re TTC for a certain amount of time, but don’t feel like every time has to be awesome or even long to take the pressure off. We definitely had times where I was like “listen… this can last exactly 2 minutes and I’d be fine with that” so that’s what happened hahaha.
Post # 11
Yeah, that sounds like a bit much. If you are pretty regular and want to remain relatively chill on the TTC front, I’d minus about 18 days from when your period is due and for the next 4 to 6 days, BD every other day and every day if you’d like.
I also second the suggestion about the OPKs, it can take a lot of the guess work out of things.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2017 - California
I don’t know if it’s possible for it not to be a bit unfun if you are TTC. It’s stressful and even with perfect timing it more likely than not will not result in a pregnancy (something like 10-20% chance of success). So I would say just try to have more quickies and focus more on getting the timing right so you are not as tired. Maybe try Clear Blue Advanced. Some hate it, it’s hit or miss. It seems to get my fertile days exactly right based on cross checking other signs like CM and temperature after the fact so I am going to use that going forward I think. Might be worth a shot for you as for some women it gives you around 4-5 fertile days so you should not get too tired. For some women it gives too many fertile days so by the time they get to ovulation they are exhausted.