Post # 1
Hey guys. So my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost two years, and I know that he is the love of my life. I can’t see myself marrying anyone else. Throughout my relationship, my father has been very critical of him. BF has social anxiety, so in the beginning of our relationship, he got extremely nervous around him which resulted in him being obviously very nervous and awkward, and the mood of the room would be very uncomfortable. My dad would say things to me like he thought I could do better, he was worried about him holding me back, etc. It led to me not bringing my BF around my dad much, just to avoid the awkwardness.
This past summer, I wrote my dad a letter explaining how good of a guy this was, how much I loved him, how lucky I was to have him, how much progress he made in handling his anxiety (he made a lot), and basically asking him to give him another chance. My dad agreed, and said he would try to get to know him more. They still haven’t seen each other (busy lives, conflicting schedules) but tomorrow we are all going to dinner, and I am nervous. I am nervous there will be tension, or that my dad will still judge him. Any tips on how to relax myself or ensure the mood stays positive?
Post # 2
You’ve asked your father to give your boyfriend another chance and he’s agreed. Just go and be present for what happens. If things go really well- great. If your boyfriend gets nervous again are you going to break up with him because he can’t be charming and schmooze your father on schedule? No. You love him and want to be with him and you’re hoping your father can see what you love about him. But even if he doesn’t- as a grown woman, you make your own life choices- a fact that can be incredibly freeing.
Rather than worrying about your father, I’d say you should tell your partner that you love him and want to be with him and you want your father to see all of these wonderful qualities that you see. But even if he’s the most awkward guy around your father for the duration of your relationship – you love him and he doesn’t need to impress your father- just be himself to the best of his ability in the face of his anxiety.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Order a martini. Good luck, bee.
Post # 4
Also, how old are you and your bf?
Post # 5
Yeah I need an age to accurately give advice…
….CAN you order a martini?
Post # 6
Haha, yes. I am almost 23 and he is 24.
Post # 7
Unfortunately you cannot force your dad to like your bf. Your dad said he’d give him another try and so you’ll have to just see how it goes. Do they have any similar interests or hobbies you can bring up at dinner?
Post # 8
Hmmm…I think that you should def bring your bf around more so he can get use to being around your family. The more comfortable he becomes, hopefully the less anxious and awkward the situation will be. A lifetime together means many family events and you would want everyone to be equally comfortable with eachother. Maybe you should also try to see the situation through your father’s eyes. Pull your head outta the clouds from Love Land and reall take a good look. Maybe your dad sees something that you dont see. He has known you all of your life. Parents usually can be great radars.
Post # 9
I don’t know your relationship with your dad or on your family but I think sometimes they have a sense about people. I dated the “love of my life” for years and my dad was always a little standoffish. Wasn’t until I saw the light, ended and realized that he really was not the man for me did my dad really let loose with how he felt. He was right. I was wrong. Lesson learned.
Post # 10
Your dad doesn’t have to “like” your BF, he just has to be civil. I understand how it would make you more comfortable for them to get along famously, but sometimes there just isn’t a good personality match between people. You have said your piece, your dad has said his, now all you can do is love your bf and reconcile yourself to the fact that they may never have a better relationship than they do now.
Post # 11
As someone who also has social anxiety: If he is ok with it bring him around more! Especially to casual events. When I’m at fun events around people I don’t know well, I’m a little less shy and I will open up more than if we’re all sitting in a room making small talk.
Either way in the end, whether your dad accepts him or not, you know the real guy that he is and that’s who you love, that’s what matters.
Post # 12
I don’t think it sounds like your dad is anything other than concerned for the best for you . He hasn’t said your bf is a awful or anything , he just fears he will hold you back etc. Obviously he worries you will have a man on your hands you have to look after rather than your man looking after you, which is what dads tend to want .
You’ve done what you can, and so has your dad, now let it go a bit and don’t harass either of them to like or perform for each other . And do perhaps give a tad of thought to pps who say sometimes parents can see things that love blinds us to…….
Post # 13
Order a long island and relax.
If they have ANY common interest (same favorite drink, both liked deadpool, work on cars etc) bring that up during dinner so they will be able to talk freely without awkwardness.
Post # 14
I agree with pp that maybe your dad is seeing something you’re not. Try to see things from his perspective. Hopefully your dad will come around if he sees your boyfriend is treating you well.
Having my family’s approval was really important to me personally.
Post # 15
Update: So we went to dinner, and whenver BF spoke, Dad was completely disinterested. All my boyfriend wants is to get along with him, and he really tries, and my dad is just not receptive. I know what my dad sees, he sees the awkwardness that my boyfriend has around him, but since this is the only side he sees, he thinks this is who my boyfriend is. Which he is not, when he is around anyone he’s comfortable with, he’s a lot more confident, social and outgoing. Thanks Bees. It’s frustrating and I just wish I could change it.