(Closed) How to make decision about marriage? Very complicated situation

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Hostess
3159 posts
Sugar bee

If you don’t think you’re ready for marriage, then I think you need to be honest with him about your feelings.  Before you jump into another relationship, please take some time to work on these issues so you’ll be in a better place next time around.

Post # 3
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

sunrain:  It sounds to me like you need to take some time to take care of yourself. If that means breaking up, then break up. It doesn’t sound like your bf is really helping you in any way, and you need to figure out you before you try to figure out us.

Post # 4
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

sunrain:  Sounds like a no to me. I think you need to take some time to help yourself, before you can even consider making such a commitment to another person.

Post # 5
Member
11466 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

When you start making a list of all the reasons you don’t believe you’re ready for marriage, you’re not ready for marriage.

And, although you may have made some mistakes along the way in this relationship, you are not responsible for someone else’s happiness, and nothing you have done in any way obligates you to move forward with this relationship.

Having very strong feelings for, attachments to, and dependence on someone does not mean that the object of our affections is the person we should marry. We often end up having these types of emotions even in unhealthy or otherwise wrong-for-us relationships.

Bottom line: You’re not stuck. You may have strong feelings for this person or what he has represented to you, but you do not owe it to him or his family to move forward in this relationship. You owe it to them and to yourself to make the decision you know in your heart is best for you.

Post # 6
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think you need to be honest with yourself on where you both at right now and what you both need. It sounds like you escalated him talking to his family about marriage and now are not ready. This isn’t fair to him, his family, or yourself. It takes a lot to recognize that you have things going on that need to be focused on such as mental health. 

I personally would halt any relationships if I were you. Hopefully he could still remain a good friend. I would try to focus on myself and my mental health. Once you know you’re in a good place physically and mentally then you can open yourself up to relationships in a way you should be able to. You also should be able to communicate any differences and, right now, it seems your future goals aren’t quite compatible.

Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

Often situations which feel complicated from close up are actually simple. You don’t really want to marry him right now, so you have to say no.

Post # 8
Member
7058 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t need to go past the fact that in the 2 years you’ve been in an LDR you’ve only spent max 6 weeks with this guy. On top of that there are some culteral differences that clearly you don’t see eye to eye on. You’ve made a list of reasons why you aren’t ready…..you aren’t ready. 

Post # 9
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell him that you are not ready for marriage.  Take time to finish your studies and work on yourself.  You do not want to make a big decision like marriage when you are not in the best mental state.  If he loves you he will understand.  No one should pressure you into marriage.  

Post # 10
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You have barely seen the guy in person! LDR usually only works when people have significant time spent together despite the distance. You’re not ready. you need to focus on yourself.

Post # 11
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You’re not stuck, you KNOW what you need to do. You didn’t list one positive thing about this relationship or getting married, it was all reasons why you shouldn’t do it. So you know in your heart that it would be a bad idea. A very bad idea actually. You’re not ready emotionally or mentally, it’s a LDR where you’ve just barely met in person, there’s major cultural differences, you got involved right after a hard breakup, and you’ve been emotionally involved with someone else. It’s just not right for many reasons, break up now

Post # 12
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

From reading your post, it sounds like you’re making excuses of why you SHOULDN’T marry him.  I think you know exactly what you need to do, but you’re tossing back and forth on what you WANT to do.  Go with what you need to do – take some time to yourself and get yourself on track.  I’ve learned that you can’t make someone else happy when you’re not happy with yourself.  If you go about the break up in the right way, I think you bf will be more understanding.  Many blessings, bee!

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