(Closed) How to make future plans…

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bananacar:  firstly, well done for working hard at making this situation work for both of you!

i spent the first 3 years in the same city as my fiance, but we didn’t see each other every day or were anywhere near close living together. we’re now well into our 2nd year of long distance, and we see each other for a few days every two months or so. it’s not much at all, but we live in different countries and that’s what we manage. i’ll be moving in with him just before we get married this summer, and i have thought about what a big change it will be and whether it will be a huge shock to the system. but i’m not a believer that you have to live together to know it will work, and there is a lot you can learn about each other from being apart, sometimes even more than being in close proximity.

i think you can be confident in what you build within the difficult circumstances, and take comfort in having endured this together, which in some ways is harder than being physically together all the time. 

you’ll be ok!

Post # 4
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

@bananacar:  I’ve been back and forth with this too. Should we live together first then marry? Living together would have to depend on his ranking though, lower ranks sometimes have to live in the barracks I believe. You can’t live with him on base/post if you aren’t married. The military only recongizes single and married, nothing in between. I thought of living with my guy off base, but that would mean I would have to go wherever he’s stationed. For now we’ve decided him living in the barracks and for me to stay put wherever I decide to go to grad school, then later on marriage and living together. 

 

Post # 6
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

@bananacar:  that’s the plan for now, who knows what will happen in the future. Yeah I totally agree with the whole, military forces you to marry and young. It totally sucks, and it’s hard cuz I definitely wanted to live with him too before getting married. 8 years is still a long time, hopefully you guys can figure it out! Good luck, message me to talk anytime!! Mine always wanted to be a lifer Yell

Post # 7
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@bananacar:  I was really hung up on this too! My FH and I have only been dating for about a year, all but 2 blissful summer months of it together. (yes, we were a successful summer fling!) But the relationship has always been very intense, very perfect and just…when you know, you know. So, we’re getting engaged this summer, to be married in the Summer of 2014 when I graduate college and we end our LDR. 

I was at first in agreement with you that we need time together, but I was mostly feeling this way because I felt like that’s what society “wants” you to do. I felt really constrained by this “should” thing, because I know in my heart of hearts that he’s the right one, we can make it through anything, we’ve overcome so many odds, and I want to marry him.

Really, it comes down to: what do you want?

Post # 8
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh dear!  I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.  How long do you expect that he’ll be in school (and the barracks)?  Is the base far away from all other housing options for you?

 

Post # 9
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@bananacar:  If you’ve never lived together or close to each other, I’d live with him or very near him for at least a year before getting married. My Fiance and I were in a LDR for a year and then I moved in with him when I came to Canada. Living together is WAY different than a LDR. When we were apart, I knew I loved him and got to know him more on a deeper emotional level, which was great. But I didn’t know 100% if we could coexist day to day without tearing our hair out. Visits were more akin to extended vacations where we were on our best behaviour even if we didn’t realize it, because we wanted to make the most of being together. Living together has been a whole other dynamic though. And it made me realize that we really were compatible long term.

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