(Closed) How to make guests anticipate an expensive affair

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

I would just say ‘formal dress’. If they know the venue that your marrying at, they would know its exxy.

I’m not sure exactly what you mean, you want expensive gifts??? You cant really force people to spend ‘x’ amount. For me, I give the same regardless of the sort of venue the couple has…..

Post # 3
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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starcatcher: There is absolutely nothing you can do to dictate or encourage what kind of gifts people give you. People will give you what they can afford and what they feel is appropriate, regardless of how expensive your event is. You can dictate the formality of the event via invitations and your wedding website, but it will have no bearing on what gifts you receive, and you should not expect it to.

I think anyone who expects some big rake from their wedding gifts needs to adjust their expectations. You will only end up disappointed, and really, it should be nothing more than an added bonus at the end of the day.

Post # 5
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

I really think your being very rude.

You cannot specify what kind of response some body will have on these forums. People are entitled to answer as they wish. 

 

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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starcatcher:  I’m not preaching. I’m answering your question.

Unless you plan on setting up a booth outside of your venue to charge people admission, it’s not “idealism”…it’s reality. Some people will give you very generous gifts, and others will give you $25. That’s life. No way to control it.

Post # 7
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Cadillac mountain

I think choosing a nice venue, classy invites, & Having a dress code will convey the message you are trying to 🙂

Post # 8
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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starcatcher:  the amount I spend on a wedding gift depends on how close I am to the couple, not the level of fanciness…I suspect most others are similar or just have a set amount they give to everyone, so I’m not sure that will make much of a difference. Surely if the wedding is at a fancy venue and has formal invitations people will know it is not a ‘cheap’ event anyway.

Post # 9
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I thi k your wedding website and invitations will help dictate the “fancy-ness” of your wedding. You can write “black tie” and “formal” usually with those few words and expensive looking invitations ppl know what to expect. As far as gifts go even if u spend more money on an event you can’t expect for others to give you more. I will give you prob same amountfor your gift no matter how much it cost you to have me there. If you can afford $200 a plate, but I can’t give you that, that’s kinda your own problem if you invite ppl. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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starcatcher:  the only way to convey a fancier theme would be to have a dress code, fancy invitations etc. But that won’t guarantee exoensive gifts, really you should be grateful for whatever you receive .

Post # 11
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

Venue itself on save the dates & invi should say it all. 

My wedding in total comes out to 160k in the end for 90 guests+ some guests’ flight+hotel, hm. Not accepting any gifts other than warm words on our photobook. In fact, needing to receive goods from them never even occoured to me. I’m treating my guests with utmost delicacy I can provide here and respect as they are my precious guests.  No fuss or pressure whatsoever on any spenditure for gifts. What I need is their blessings, not some mere $ goods. 

Besides, as the other ladies have said, you throwing extravaganza party has nothing to do with them so they are not at all entitled to matching your requirements. They simply can decline the invitation.

 

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by a1vsue.
Post # 12
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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a1vsue:  THIS is the attitude that any host should have. My budget is barely a third of yours, but I feel very similarly regarding my guests & gifts. +1000!!

Post # 13
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

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starcatcher:  You need to read applecat and lollybags’s posts again–their sentiments are the sentiments of most wedding guests (in the USA, anyway).  Also, things like “expensive registry items only” are liable to make many of your guests side-eye you, at minimum.  

But, if you plan on ignoring their counsel, at least take mine and be sure to be a genuinely discerning mercenary who is ready to think long-term.  If you want kids, you’re going to want to still have friends left so you can hit them up at your baby shower, right?  Have you calculated to see if the potential compounded interest on these expensive wedding gifts will be greater than the expected value of the future gifts you will lose by alienating your purported loved ones?  Perhaps a good CPA would help here?

Post # 14
Member
7519 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bitches my normally cheap ass dropped a heap of cash on this fancy ass wedding so you had better give me an expensive gift or I will cut you out of my life and bitch about you to everyone.

There you go, I suggets keeping the exact wording. 

Post # 15
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

View original reply
starcatcher: Fancy invitations and a nice dress code will let people know the type of wedding you are planning (along with the venue and reception), the rest is personal choice and mostly cultural. I guess if it is culturally normal for guests to give more depending on their impression of the expense of the wedding then perhaps this will work?

If you’re having a gift registry it’s worth putting down things at a range of price points (I have been told), put some very nice things one there if you want…you never know.

As my Grandma used to say: If you ask you don’t get, but…if you don’t ask you don’t want.

Essentially if you ask for (expensive) things people are likely to be annoyed, but on the other hand how would they know you wanted them otherwise? It’s a lose lose situation. 

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