(Closed) How to make guests anticipate an expensive affair

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 16
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ha, ha, ha.

Your post made my morning.

Presumably anyone close to you will be hearing about your wedding progress. Just drop the hint that for once you are going to be spending not saving and everyone should expect a fabulous do.

Cant think of any way of upping your present value but at least it means people may turn up in smart clothes not jeans.

Post # 17
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Specifying dress code on invitation = reasonable.

Expecting or demanding expensive gifts = tacky. 

Post # 18
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Say it’s a formal event on your invitations so people know how to dress. But let’s be honest, gifts depend on your guest list. The average working joe isn’t going to spend $200 on a blender or $500 on a flat screen for you and your new husband. And having a gift registry full of expensive gifts knowing the majority of your guests make a certain income is rude and off-putting. Don’t be THAT bride…because that bride is bitchy, childish, unappreciative and will lose out on a lot more than just some expensive gifts.

Post # 19
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

Perhaps this is just a UK thing….but I just don’t see how the amount you spend on your wedding would change the guests opinion on what they should or shouldn’t give you as a gift….I have been to fancy weddings and I have been to small, intimate weddings, me & Fiance always put the same amount in the card.

Post # 20
223 posts
Helper bee


View original reply
UKbee:  Same here, I’m actually embarassed at the thought of our guests buying us gifts, & will be more than appreciative of whatever they choose to buy us(or not buy us!), I think it’s extremely UN-classy to expect guests to buy you expensive gifts just because you decided to spend a lot on your wedding, not preaching, just stating facts. I wouldn’t gift more or less regardless of whether my plate at the meal cost $20 or $200.

Post # 21
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maybe you should spend some of that money from your fancy wedding on buying a clue and some manners while your at it. 


Post # 22
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t give gifts based on how much the B&G spend. It’s not my job to pay for your wedding.

Post # 23
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Letterpress invites, black tie, a nice venue with valet service. Prob won’t change what people gift though.

Post # 24
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
a1vsue:   +100000. I’m in the same budget bracket as you and have the same views on gift giving. 

Expensive event doesn’t = only getting or expecting expensive gifts. 

I wish the Bee had iPhone emojis. 

Post # 25
9665 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Just put a note inside the invitation, “The meal provided includes beef wellington with faux gras, so make sure to gift accordingly.”

Or maybe something like, “I haven’t spared any expense for you and I expect the same for my gift!”

Or what about, “Cost per plate is $200 and is courtesy of Bride and Groom.”

Or maybe just, “We only registered at Crate & Barrel.”

Or just an invite insert that says, “This shit is gonna be classy.”


OP- my husband and I give gifts based on our relationship to the couple. I went to a wedding last weekend that used plasticware, no decor, and instant mashed potatoes. Although they didn’t go overboard on their guests, I still gave them probably the biggest monetary gift that I’ve ever given at a wedding because the groom is my best friend. I’ve also been to a black tie wedding where my hotel was provided and gave much less, as I didn’t really have a relationship with the couple.

Post # 26
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Hanover Grande Ballroom

i gift no matter how expensive the wedding is, the same amount. regardless of what YOU spent, the gift i give at a wedding is a congratulatory gift towards the new marriage to help get started and i generally gift $75 dollars. you can serve me hamburgers and potato salad or filet mignon, still gonna get the same thing. If i KNEW you expected more just becausee YOU spent more, id probably make it $50.

Post # 27
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
starcatcher:  I whole heartily agree with what UKbee: and 
View original reply
a1vsue:  said. We generally gift according to how close we are to people (ie best friends, distant relly etc) not.according to how much they spent. I don’t think you can dictate to your guests how much to give you AS A GIFT


View original reply
j_jaye:  I genuinely LOL’d at your post 😉

Post # 28
267 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
FutureDrAtkins:  I’m with you! We give a gift based on our relationship. If it is a random cousin that neither of us know very well they will not get as much as one of my closest friends.

I would say that being a likable person would be the easiest way to cash in at your wedding.

Post # 29
6549 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP maybe you should only invite rich people.

Post # 30
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve never gifted someone based on how lavish their wedding was. Apart from starting to brag about how much you’re spending now, you can communicate the formality of your event would be making it black tie and following the guidelines recommended (formal letterpress invites, valet service, your Fiance should be in a full tux, etc.)

Don’t expect better gifts because you chose to spend a lot of money on your wedding. That’s just greedy, and not at all the point of a wedding. 

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