(Closed) How to manage out of towners during wedding week??

posted 4 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Caswell Beach- Oak Island, NC

FutureMrsT1221:  Explain to your friend and family that you will be going non-stop, running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Let them know that you will not have time to “hang out” but instead invite them to help you get some tasks done. That way you will get to spend some time with them, while getting stuff done at the same time.


On the other hand, if you’re like me and need to be in control over EVERYTHING, let them know it’s just not possible for that to happen. You’re going to be too busy to “hang out” and you don’t want them to waste money on a hotel room for nothing.

Post # 4
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

either let them know that you’re sorry, but you’ll have too much to do before the wedding so you can’t hang out at all then and/or have some other relative intercept them and make plans w/them so they leave you alone. nbd.

Post # 5
46647 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

People can be thoughtless. Surely they must realize there is a list a mile long of last minute things to be done.

To avoid having to say “Sorry, I’m busy today” too many times, look at your calendar right now, and identify a time that you can spend with them, even if that means including them in one of your tasks.

When you have ID’d that opportunity, tell them “Our calendars are chock full that week, but I have carved out  (Tuesday lunch) to be able to spend some time together.” Don’t ask if that time works for them or you will end up negotiating.

Post # 6
11658 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

FutureMrsT1221:  my family seemed to think this was okay.  I just made it very clear that I would be really busy.  The only people i ‘hung out with’ before the wedding were our parents and the bridal party.  I ran in to my aunts at the hotel but that was it.  I had no time to see anyone – and i was super organized!

Post # 7
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

FutureMrsT1221:  We had this happen also! One of the groomsmen is from out of state (2 hour plane ride) and asked if him and his girlfriend could come stay with us for three days before the wedding. I told Fiance absolutely not, as I barely knew the friend (since he lives so far) and I had never met his Girlfriend. We also live in a one bedroom apartment, so it’s not like they could sleep anywhere but on an air mattress in the living room. We asked them to get a hotel.

Turns out, Girlfriend and Groomsmen ended up breaking up, so I agreed to Groomsmen staying with us. He only stayed the night before the rehearsal dinner + the night before the wedding (but I was not staying at home that night so I didn’t care). I just put him + Fiance to work doing rehearsal dinner set up and other errands.

I would either ask them to run errands with you or set up a specific time you can see them. For example, say, I have a ton of wedding prep to do beforehand, so if you’d like to run my errands with me and help out with last minute projects, that’d be great. If that doesn’t interest you, how about we meet for lunch/dinner on whatever day works. 

Do NOT feel like you need to be entertaining people before your wedding.

Post # 8
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This sort of happend with us. We knew we would be very busy the week of the wedding, as we had a lot of DIY and I worked Monday-Wednesday and my husband worked Monday-Thursday. We had an out of towner meet and greet on Friday night before the Saturday wedding where we got to catch up with most people. This really helped when people told us that they wanted to hang out- we just told them to come to the meet and greet.

A lot of our family came early, but they were pretty respectful of our time. We didn’t really see them until the day before, but some of the family hung out together. 

Post # 9
10601 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think it’s normal for some guests to want to come early and have a bit of a vacation.  I don’t think it’s normal to expect to hang out with the bride or groom.  I spent some time with those who came early two days before the wedding, at the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 10
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

weatherbug:  Some of our guy friends asked to stay with us too, and I said no. Sorry but are you kidding!? Maybe if we had a guest room but I cannot have people couch surfing while I’m trying to get married. We also stayed at home the night of the wedding, and I didn’t really want to share my wedding night, and I think that’s fair!

Post # 11
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

FutureMrsT1221:  I’m not sure because I don’t have that many out of towners coming for our own. That being said … Is it possible for you to invite them to your rehearsal dinner? Can you explain that you are pretty busy but ask if they might want to join you to help you with some of your errands? 

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