How to move forward after a huge fight

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 50
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

If I may offer a suggestion, maybe in the meantime pick up the book P.E.T (Parent Effectiveness Training). It’s not only about raising children and dealing with what comes along with it. It’s also about proper communication, which includes adults and relationships. The way he is speaking to you (probably starting his sentences accusingly with “You [did/are doing this], why did you… etc” which is typical but poor, confrontational communication that will naturally elicit the defensive snapping back that you said you are doing. You are probably speaking to him the same way. This is another thing you need to be mindful of, as it simply gets people even more angry, and nothing gets resolved that way. Behaviors that are getting out of control just make a household difficult to endure. It sounds like he had reached his tipping point in a moment of extreme frustration, but it also sounds like he is open to working on making things better.

The book addresses communication, how to word things better, how to diffuse anger and arguments, etc. Good stuff.

https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Effectiveness-Training-Responsible-Children/dp/0609806939/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508852671&sr=8-1&keywords=p.e.t+parent+effectiveness+training

The older originals are valuable too, below: (I don’t know how much has been revised in the above link).

https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Effectiveness-Training-Thomas-Gordon/dp/0452264618/ref=pd_sbs_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=9XGVA9MRPT81EGYYZMWC&dpID=7150QNGDR9L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=detail

https://www.amazon.com/T-Parent-effectiveness-training-responsible/dp/B00005WJYW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1508852671&sr=8-2&keywords=p.e.t+parent+effectiveness+training

 

Post # 52
Member
431 posts
Helper bee

Blended families are so stressful. People often think they will blend naturally but usually it takes years of hard work and role negotiating especially if biological dad is in the picture. Definitely get some literature for both of you about blending families and parenting children with autism. It’s imporant that you two establish norms and explain them to the children but I really belive you should ro the discipline not him. Yes he can ask them to adhere to the rules but doling out punishment or consequence should be your role. Second another bee who asked if he realized he had children now….while he is not the biological parent he will have to share half the cost and time it takes to have 2 chikdren in his home. This will be a huge adjustment for him but also for the children. Best of luck and remember the issues you are experiencing are totally normal in a blended family. 

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