- 10 years ago
Hi Bees, recently I’ve posted about how BF said he doesn’t want to propose since I’m (temporarily) moving to NYC. Read:
Well, because of this, I am pretty sad. I have always had a 3 year timeline in my head and this October will be three years (been living together for one year). Although we’ve talked about how NYC will be temporary, he doesn’t want to propose for a variety of reasons: 1) he doesn’t want to make me feel like I have to stay 2) he’s cautious of the idea that I potentially won’t come back and 3) He thinks I have “a lot of figuring out I need to do.”
While I understand his reluctance; it still hurts. Really hurts. I absolutely have no intention of staying in NY longer than 6 months–It’s not even an option to me. Although, because I am a realist, I understand that there’s always a possibility for anything–although highly unlikely.
In the past few months BF has been talking about getting married more and more. He’s said that when he gets his tax return we can go look at rings. He’s even talked about selling his motorcycle to foot the bill for a wedding. But ever since I told him about NY, he hasn’t said anything (except for the fact that he will no longer be proposing). I’m really sad about this. Him proposing will not jeopardize my NY move in any way, if anything it will make me more excited to come back home to my fiance. But his focus has completely shifted. Now he’s talking about all these things he wants to buy with his tax return.
I’m now in the hurt/angry stage of waiting. I’ve had all sorts of negative thoughts about how I should move out and get my own apartment, how we’re not on the same page anymore, how maybe he’s not really the one for me and I SHOULD just break it off and start fresh in NY, etc… I hate these thoughts! I know in my heart of hearts that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I feel like he’s using NY as an excuse to not propose. I have to bug him for months to clean his closet for Christ’s sake, I can’t imagine what it would take to get him to propose!!
So I was hoping some of you have advice on what to do now that I know a proposal isn’t coming. I don’t want to “talk him into proposing,” “guilt him,” “trick him,” or give any kind of “ultimatum” as I don’t believe in those and think they only lead to trouble down the road. But I can’t keep feeling the way I do. I’m literally in pain and quite frankly, going a little crazy. I love my BF, but I’m not really liking him right now. I need to get past this. 🙁 Take me off the waiting list please.