(Closed) How to Navigate Family from Out of Town when Starting to Plan

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
951 posts
Busy bee




Don’t let other people wiggle into your head. If you want Montana then stick with Montana! If they’re not paying for it, then it’s not up to them.  It doesn’t matter if it’s your dress or your wedding colors, or what caterer you hire – you have to let family know that this wedding is on your terms and not theirs. 

I’m also from WA state, and DH and I live in California. It would have been super weird for me to make his family, plus all of our CA friends, fly up to WA just becasue my family prefered it. We got married in CA. 

We did indeed look at several venues that allowed all or some of our guests to stay on-site. I think that made it much easier for our out-of-state guests. 

Post # 3
48 posts
  • Wedding: September 2017

I am Canadian, and my fiance is Irish, and we live in London, England together. Getting married in London would be mental and crazy expensive and not very personal to us. Plus I always imagined getting married in the church I grew up in. So we will have our wedding and reception in Toronto, and then a cocktail reception/party in  his hometown in Ireland for his family/our London friends. It’s a compromise between our two families to include them all. Plus his Irish family is huge, so it’s an easier way to limit the number to the wedding without not inviting or including them! 

Maybe a party or bbq in PA at a later date is a way to include them? It would be a cheaper thing to just fly yourselves over and get a visit and share with them.

Post # 4
1 posts

The best advise is to create a wedding website and let guests choose accomodation and see a google map of the venue, try http://www.weddinghand.net it lets guests pick hotels in the area with links to each hotel

Post # 5
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m getting married a plane ride from where I grew up and where all my family lives too. You say it’s okay if not everyone can attend, but you need to start really believing it. Stop allowing yourself to feel guilty after these conversations with the PA people. Tell them that the decisions been made and you’re very happy with it. Stop projecting your fears onto your friends and family! Unless they say “I feel like you’re leaving me out planning a MT wedding,” don’t put that on them. Trust that they’re your friends and family and love you. 

My strategy when hometown people question why I’m not getting married there is to overwhelm with statistics. For example, no matter where the wedding was, 75% of our guests were coming from out of town. Getting married where we live would saves us $X in lost work time and air travel to go back and forth for meetings and planning. If my sister, who lives in my hometown, been given more authority to plan, the wedding would cost 200% more than it already is. 

You’re definitely on the right path with your ideas about vacation rentals. Give everyone lots of notice to plan and overwhelm with information. I’m actually really shocked with the number of people who are planning to come out for the wedding, despite it being such a trip. It will be fun and beautiful no matter what. 

Post # 6
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

View original reply
wildflowergypsy :  First, congratulations! I think everyone will agree that wedding planning can be a daunting task and it will be impossible to make everyone happy. Unfortunately you have family residing in two different states. Not only is Montana where you want to hold the wedding (and gorgeous!!!) but it means that both sides will need to travel. It wouldn’t be fair to accommodate one family over the other, especially if you don’t want to have the wedding there. Plus, can you imagine trying to plan a wedding in Pennsylvania from Montana? Stick to your guns and plan the wedding you want. This will also send a message early on that you can’t be persuaded by others decisions. Good luck!

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