Post # 1
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
Hi Bees!
I’m not really sure where to start, but here goes…
I’ve been dreaming about my wedding for my ENTIRE life. Friends, family, food, drinks and most importantly, getting to publicly commit to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams. Finally, after waiting for what felt like way too long, my Fiance proposed last week! It was a magical proposal and being engaged is still magical 😀
In my excitement, I went out and picked up a couple of bridal magazines and have started looking for venues. So far, we’ve agreed that we want a fall wedding, next year. Something small, intimate and very VERY casual. We’ve also agreed that since we met and live in Montana, have lived here for years and most of our close friends are here that we will be getting married where our life is. His family (with the exception of his brother who is here)is in Washington state and isn’t very big. My LARGE and CLOSE family is in Pennsylvania.
Everyone from his side has been super happy and supportive when they ask when and where we will be getting married. My family has been hesitant. They don’t understand why we wouldn’t go back there to get married, despite my telling them that not only do we want to get married where our life together is, but that he woudln’t have many people there for him if we got married there. Almost every time I get off the phone with someone from PA, I hang up feeling guilty that we’re not getting married there, like I’m asking too much of the people that I would like to be there (although I’ve made it VERY clear that if they can’t make it we totally understand) and I feel like they think that I’m deliberately leaving people out because not everyone will be able to come. We don’t have a huge budget, and will be receiving very little (if any) financial help from family, so flying people out isn’t an option.
Let me insist that even though I’ve dreamed about the big family wedding when I was younger; the wedding that we’re starting to plan now is the wedding that I want. Here. in Montana.
We are looking at vacation rentals large enough to accommodate family who might have a hard time getting out here so that they havea place to stay, but already I almost feel like I just want to elope and say screw the wedding altogether.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How do you navigate family when you start planning? When are you or did you start looking at venues and places for out of town guests to stay?
Thanks in advance for your help Bees!
Post # 2
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
Don’t let other people wiggle into your head. If you want Montana then stick with Montana! If they’re not paying for it, then it’s not up to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s your dress or your wedding colors, or what caterer you hire – you have to let family know that this wedding is on your terms and not theirs.
I’m also from WA state, and DH and I live in California. It would have been super weird for me to make his family, plus all of our CA friends, fly up to WA just becasue my family prefered it. We got married in CA.
We did indeed look at several venues that allowed all or some of our guests to stay on-site. I think that made it much easier for our out-of-state guests.
Post # 3
Member
48 posts
Newbee
I am Canadian, and my fiance is Irish, and we live in London, England together. Getting married in London would be mental and crazy expensive and not very personal to us. Plus I always imagined getting married in the church I grew up in. So we will have our wedding and reception in Toronto, and then a cocktail reception/party in his hometown in Ireland for his family/our London friends. It’s a compromise between our two families to include them all. Plus his Irish family is huge, so it’s an easier way to limit the number to the wedding without not inviting or including them!
Maybe a party or bbq in PA at a later date is a way to include them? It would be a cheaper thing to just fly yourselves over and get a visit and share with them.
Post # 4
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
The best advise is to create a wedding website and let guests choose accomodation and see a google map of the venue, try http://www.weddinghand.net it lets guests pick hotels in the area with links to each hotel
Post # 5
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
I’m getting married a plane ride from where I grew up and where all my family lives too. You say it’s okay if not everyone can attend, but you need to start really believing it. Stop allowing yourself to feel guilty after these conversations with the PA people. Tell them that the decisions been made and you’re very happy with it. Stop projecting your fears onto your friends and family! Unless they say “I feel like you’re leaving me out planning a MT wedding,” don’t put that on them. Trust that they’re your friends and family and love you.
My strategy when hometown people question why I’m not getting married there is to overwhelm with statistics. For example, no matter where the wedding was, 75% of our guests were coming from out of town. Getting married where we live would saves us $X in lost work time and air travel to go back and forth for meetings and planning. If my sister, who lives in my hometown, been given more authority to plan, the wedding would cost 200% more than it already is.
You’re definitely on the right path with your ideas about vacation rentals. Give everyone lots of notice to plan and overwhelm with information. I’m actually really shocked with the number of people who are planning to come out for the wedding, despite it being such a trip. It will be fun and beautiful no matter what.
Post # 6
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
wildflowergypsy : First, congratulations! I think everyone will agree that wedding planning can be a daunting task and it will be impossible to make everyone happy. Unfortunately you have family residing in two different states. Not only is Montana where you want to hold the wedding (and gorgeous!!!) but it means that both sides will need to travel. It wouldn’t be fair to accommodate one family over the other, especially if you don’t want to have the wedding there. Plus, can you imagine trying to plan a wedding in Pennsylvania from Montana? Stick to your guns and plan the wedding you want. This will also send a message early on that you can’t be persuaded by others decisions. Good luck!
Post # 7
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
THank you all so much for your advice!!! It really helped me feel better about everyhing 😀