(Closed) How to nicely tell guests they do not get a plus one after they RSVP?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think the best thing to do is be upfront and honest with her.  I would give her a call and let her know that you are so thrilled that she can make it to the wedding, but unfortunately due to budgetary constraints you are unable to extend her a plus one. Good luck, and I hope she takes the news gracefully! 

Post # 3
Member
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
2016bride02:  Call her but do NOT tell her it is for budgetary reasons. Some people are problem-solvers and will find a way to “fix” the problem. She could offer to pay for her guest.Don’t give any reason when you call. Leave no opening for the problem solvers to find.

“There must have been a misunderstanding. We are unable to accommodate any extra guests. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding”.

or

“I am sorry if the invitation was unclear. The invitation was for yourself only. We are unable to accommodate a plus one. We hope that you will still attend the wedding.”

Post # 4
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor

This happened to me! A mutual friend of ours replied to our save the date saying “I’m coming +1!” and we were like… UH… But after looking over the guest list we decided to go ahead and invite her bf… only to have them part ways like 2 days before the wedding, so that’s a plate we had to pay for that wasn’t filled.  In total I think we had 6 no-shows and 4 random people who showed up univited (Long story) 

Go ahead and give her a call and say- We’re happy to hear that you’re dating someone, however, since you yourself said you not sure that things will still be “going well” by the time the wedding gets here, and our venue needs us to be very accurate with our numbers, we can not plan for you to attend with a date.

The good thing is that you usually have about a 10% buffer zone with venues and caterers, so even if she decides to bring him uninvited, you should be covered. But don’t tell her that! 

Post # 7
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We’re starting to receive RSVPs for our engagement party and so far my aunty has asked if she can bring a “friend” and one of my FI’s uncles has asked if they can bring their 3 children. We also suspect that my uncle will ask to bring his on-again-off-again girlfriend (they had been off-again for close to 5 months when we sent the invites out so we figured it was off for good and didn’t invite her, but they have since apparently gotten back together).

We said no to the uncle’s kids – we’re having an adult’s only event and our venue doesn’t allow children past 10pm due to their liquor license – but said yes to my aunty and will say yes to my uncle if he asks. We figured that if they’re all still together by the time the wedding rolls around, we’ll just add them on. If not, then aunt and uncle get invited alone.

I do understand, however, that your situation is much harder. If I was you, I would have your Fiance call his step mother’s friend (as she is technically from his side) and explain that you’re unable to accommodate any plus ones and you understand if this means she will no longer be able to attend. If the friend insists, he might need to contact his step mother and see whether she will talk to her friend – he just needs to tell her that she’s RSVP’d for a plus one when she was invited alone and there is no way that you can accommodate her guest.

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