Post # 1
This is my first post on weddingbee! We have just started receiving our RSVPs back! yay!
So we had our first issue with the RSVP’s. We had a guest RSVP that she was bringing a guest even though we didn’t give her a “plus one” She just indicated that she just started dating someone and if it still going well she’ll bring a date otherwise she’ll come alone. I am so baffled, I don’t even know what to do or say. I just think it’s rude to assume she could bring a guest. If anything I would have appreciated a phone call asking if it was okay. A little back story, she is my fiancé’s step moms good friend. We invited my fiancé’s step mom’s kids and their husbands. However, when my fiancé’s step moms asked us to invite her siblings and her mother we had to inform her that we unfortunately were unable to do so as we didnt have it in the budget. (We are paying for the wedding ourselves) As you can see we are in a little bit of an awkward situation if she brings someone she just met. I’d like to add my fiancé’s dad passed last year so we can’t ask him for advice. I am not really sure what to do? Help! If you suggest I let her know she can’t bring the date, how do I say it in the nicest way?
Thanks WeddingBee Users! 🙂
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Post # 2
I think the best thing to do is be upfront and honest with her. I would give her a call and let her know that you are so thrilled that she can make it to the wedding, but unfortunately due to budgetary constraints you are unable to extend her a plus one. Good luck, and I hope she takes the news gracefully!
Post # 3
Call her but do NOT tell her it is for budgetary reasons. Some people are problem-solvers and will find a way to “fix” the problem. She could offer to pay for her guest.Don’t give any reason when you call. Leave no opening for the problem solvers to find.
“There must have been a misunderstanding. We are unable to accommodate any extra guests. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding”.
“I am sorry if the invitation was unclear. The invitation was for yourself only. We are unable to accommodate a plus one. We hope that you will still attend the wedding.”
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor
This happened to me! A mutual friend of ours replied to our save the date saying “I’m coming +1!” and we were like… UH… But after looking over the guest list we decided to go ahead and invite her bf… only to have them part ways like 2 days before the wedding, so that’s a plate we had to pay for that wasn’t filled. In total I think we had 6 no-shows and 4 random people who showed up univited (Long story)
Go ahead and give her a call and say- We’re happy to hear that you’re dating someone, however, since you yourself said you not sure that things will still be “going well” by the time the wedding gets here, and our venue needs us to be very accurate with our numbers, we can not plan for you to attend with a date.
The good thing is that you usually have about a 10% buffer zone with venues and caterers, so even if she decides to bring him uninvited, you should be covered. But don’t tell her that!
Post # 6
Thank you! Such a great suggestion! She definitely has a lot of money to throw around. So she would probably offer to pay for him or say something like she will make it up with the gift. To be honest, I think I am most frustrated with the fact that she didn’t ask.
That was so nice of you to invite their guest! But that is horrible it didnt work out! It’s hard to say if they will be together or not, we have to give our head counts to our venue 60 days in advance as we live in a place where a lot of people have destination weddings. I was thinking of waiting until we get all the RSVP’s back to see if we can accommodate one more person. But at the moment we already sort of overextended ourselves with the guest lists. It’s just a thought spot, because honestly there are so many more family members I would have love to invited but just couldn’t. As for the no shows, I’ve got a lot of advice to tell the venue about 7 guests less, this way if we get some no shows we aren’t stuck paying for them, and if we get some add-on’s like you mentioned the venue would be able to accommodate.
Post # 7
We’re starting to receive RSVPs for our engagement party and so far my aunty has asked if she can bring a “friend” and one of my FI’s uncles has asked if they can bring their 3 children. We also suspect that my uncle will ask to bring his on-again-off-again girlfriend (they had been off-again for close to 5 months when we sent the invites out so we figured it was off for good and didn’t invite her, but they have since apparently gotten back together).
We said no to the uncle’s kids – we’re having an adult’s only event and our venue doesn’t allow children past 10pm due to their liquor license – but said yes to my aunty and will say yes to my uncle if he asks. We figured that if they’re all still together by the time the wedding rolls around, we’ll just add them on. If not, then aunt and uncle get invited alone.
I do understand, however, that your situation is much harder. If I was you, I would have your Fiance call his step mother’s friend (as she is technically from his side) and explain that you’re unable to accommodate any plus ones and you understand if this means she will no longer be able to attend. If the friend insists, he might need to contact his step mother and see whether she will talk to her friend – he just needs to tell her that she’s RSVP’d for a plus one when she was invited alone and there is no way that you can accommodate her guest.
Post # 8
I hear you on the kids situation! I had something similar happen with my sister. She was upset her daughter wasn’t invited to my engagement party either. I also, have some upset cousins that their kids aren’t invited to the weddings. But we just couldn’t accommodate everyone. I have an extremely large family. We had it cut it off at 1st cousins, so no 2nd, 3rd or 4th which really means no kids with my family.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. I am just more confused, because she’s so into social media. Her son’s bday was recently (hes 30) and some other events of hers just passed. She posted so many photos, but none of her with this mystery man. I am thinking her son might not even know she’s dating someone. Her son and his gf of 5 years are invited to the weddings as he was really close to my fiancé’s dad. He was like a 2nd son to my fiancé’s dad, because he never knew his.
Being engaged and planning a wedding I am so shocked on people’s manners. It has been an eye opening experience for sure.