(Closed) How to not get envious over others getting engaged when you're waiting?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Hostess
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

gemstoneheart :  I think you just need to switch your mentality and tell yourself that all the time whilst you are pre-occupied with what others are up to, you are missing out on your own life. You may not be engaged yet, and it is frustrating to wait, but you have a partner who loves you and that you love – and that alone is more than some people have. For waiting person being envious of an engaged person, there is probably a single person envious of what you have. Your time will come. Enjoy the hear and now. Comparisson is the thief of joy afterall.

Post # 3
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

Feeling envious is understandable. I was there. I just threw all of my energy into being happy for them in the moment and reacting how I would want someone to react to my future engagement.  Sometimes I allowed myself a pity party in the shower but when the water turns off the party is over. Thing is, I really was happy for anyone engaged while I was waiting and I’m glad I did not let my momentary feelings get in the way of that. 

Post # 4
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It’s really hard. I’ve had 3 of our best friends and countless others get engaged in the past 6 months. Each time is so much harder than the last. But I tell myself that my time will come. There is nothing that we can do until my boyfriend comes home from South Africa so there’s no point in getting mad. But I still do. I am so happy for all engaged but I just want mine as well. 

Post # 5
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m really envious. I think Facebook makes me worse. I know you shouldn’t really compare but it’s hard. 

Post # 6
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand where you’re coming from. I’ve gotten to the point, though, where I’ve just kind of resigned myself to the fact that sometimes it’s other people’s time to get engage/married, and eventually it’ll be my time. When I look at through that lense, it’s really exciting for my friends to get engaged, because it’s their time. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it feels good to feel that my time is coming, and your time is coming, and it’s coming closer everyday!

Post # 7
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

That’s how I felt before I got engaged recently. I would see facebook and watch my friends getting engaged and wedding planning and I would feel like why are their boyfriends soo sure about them and my relationship hasn’t gotten there yet. I guess putting it in perspective could be there’s someone who’s probably on weddingbee right now reading posts wondering about her relationship and thinking to herself “I wish I were waiting” . You’re time will come. You’ll have good and bad days. But honestly I think at some point all of us feel jealous at some point or another while waiting. I was a crazy, pinterest obsessed, read into every move and word he made waiter lol 😂 

Post # 8
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Comparison really derails any positive thinking we might have. I fully believe that social media 100% exacerbates our desire to compare our lives to others. Keep in mind that you’re only seeing everyone else’s highlight reels. 

Remember that the life you are leading is especially for you. It’s not meant to be the same as, or even similar to, someone else’s. It’s really easy for me to get caught up in “Oh, that person’s life is so great, why isn’t my life that great ,” (both in relation to engagement and other life things in general). 

Focus on the life you are leading…it’s YOURS. Think about the other amazing things happening in your life, other things you have worked hard for and are now coming to fruition. Don’t let the waiting take away from the other happy things you’ve got going on in your life. There are good and bad days…on your bad days be mindful of your thoughts and make an effort to focus your attention to something that you are excited to be going through at that moment.

Good luck, Bee!

Post # 9
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Honestly, I never felt envious of others…happy for them! Sometimes I would wonder why it hadn’t happened for me yet but now I am happy it happened exactly when it is!  There is so much more to life than engagement.  Focus on all the good and be happy for your friends! Your time will come

Post # 10
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

gemstoneheart :  I totally hear you. That was me a few weeks ago. It’s really hard.

Does your boyfriend know how you feel? Have you considered discussing a timeline for engagement, so that it takes some of the uncertainty away?

Two people can love each other, and both be amazing people, but be on different timelines for marriage. I think having an honest talk can really help to clarify expectations.

I’ve never been a fan of advocating for being the passive, patient waiting bee. It’s your future, and you should have an equal say in when you two get engaged. 

I ended up leaving my boyfriend, as I realized that we were both on very different timelines for marriage, and that a proposal wouldn’t be happening anytime soon, if ever. Not saying this is your case, but it happens 🙁

Post # 11
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Florida

Ugh this is a hard one, my best advice is to avoid social media as much as possible.in February 8 people got engaged that I knew. 1 of them had been with her boyfriend for less than a year, and when I saw it on Facebook I just started bawling on the bus in front of my SO and lots of random. Serious low moment for me ha. Everyone handles things differently but I just try to live my life and enjoy life and not worry about others 

Post # 12
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee

I recognize it sucks and I dealt with the envy, but you have to remember that you are not privy to the goings-ons of those relationships.  They could be getting married for all the wrong reasons or for all the right reasons.  You don’t know what goes on behind the scenes so it’s really unhealthy to compare. 

Post # 13
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

It’s really hard.  Believe me, I understand.  My Fiance and I were together exactly 4 years (and 2 days hehe) before we got engaged.  Whenever a FB friend would get engaged, I found myself snooping that their relationship status to see how long they’ve been together.  And yes it hurt even more when they’d been together far less time than we had. 

However, you just have to stay strong.  Believe and your partner and your relationship.   Too many marriages end in divorce and a lot of times (not all or majority) those divorces are due to getting married too soon and not really taking the time to get to know the other person.  I feel like my relationship with my partner is so much stronger since we waited.  We know so much more about each other and this is especially true since we already have lived together for 2 years.  We are already a leg up on lots of couples.

Post # 14
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

futuremrsferrell :  I do the same snooping to see their relationship on Facebook. It’s really bad!

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Post # 15
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

gemstoneheart :  I think it’s completely normal to feel envious of others. There were many times that I felt envy of others getting engaged, married, having babies. Facebook is the worst! While I did enjoy my single life, I had struggles and no one by my side. However, I knew that the universe had a purpose for the route and time frame that my life was taking. I am now in an awesome relationship with a man that I love and I’m “waiting.” The wait will be short, we are open with these types of discussions and decisions. So, it’s normal! One thing I did do though, is I was over the moon happy for my friends and always supported them during engagement parties, weddings, baby showers. No matter how difficult it was for me, it was their time. My time is coming and just hang on to that. You will want the same support when it’s your turn.

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