(Closed) How to NOT invite ONE cousin?

posted 13 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well, for our wedding, we invited my mom’s brother & sister, their spouses, and their kids and their spouses.  We invited ONE of my dad’s step brothers, all of his kids, NOT the other step brother, and 3 out of 5 of his kids.  For my husband’s family, we invited NONE of his mother’s brothers, or their kids, and for his dad – we invited his sister, her husband and their kids.  We did not invite his brother or his brother’s wife.  We invited ONE of their son’s but not the other.

 What it came down to was who we really wanted to share in our day. There was only one couple at the wedding that I didn’t want there, but it wasn’t bad enough to rock the boat.  Our parents paid for the majority of our wedding, so we all sat down together and talked through WHY we didn’t want certain people at the wedding.

I think that you need to explain WHY you do not, under any circumstance, want this cousin at your wedding.  It might be a hard thing to do, but it’s the only way your mother will understand. 

Post # 18
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hi there…

 

I’m new!       Anyway, I’m in the same boat.   My mother is upset because I do NOT want my cousin to attend my wedding.

My significant other is on my side about this.   I don’t hate my cousin, but I don’t like her either.   She has no business being there.   She wasn’t invited.

My mother feels that we’re both being unfair.   Here’s the deal…I don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings.  However, this is MY wedding.  

Being invited to a wedding is a privilege…not a right.  I love my family, but there are a few reasons that they weren’t invited.   One reason being that they live in another country.  

I can completely relate to what the OP is saying.  My cousin is not pleasant to be around.  We are not close.  My mother is essentially saying that I have a DUTY to invite her because we’re "family".   

No, I don’t.  This is somebody who dislikes me.  This is somebody who believes that I have a problem with her because she is overweight.   It has never crossed her mind that it is her ATTITUDE I have a problem with.  

She is loud.  She is pushy.  She needs to be the center of attention.  She is not a bad person, but she isn’t welcome at my wedding.   It is my special occasion.  If I wanted her to be there, I would have invited her.

There have been a lot of disagreements lately…my fiance is upset, my mother is upset, I’m upset.  People need to back off and allow me to decide who I want to invite. 

 

 

 

Post # 19
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Maybe you could try explaining to your mother that you have valid reasons for not wanting to invite this cousin but would rather not go into the gory details.  Make it clear that you are not willing to budge on the issue.  

Would it be that bad for you to tell her your reason?   Obviously without knowing the reason, I don’t know – so hopefully it’s not offensive for me to ask if it would be horrible to tell your mother about the reason behind your rift with your cousin.

Good luck with the situation. 

Post # 21
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Go ahead and send the invite but interchange the numbers in the address or "accidentally" put the wrong street name.  Only you will know that this was done purposely.  I mean by the time the Post Office sends it back there is nothing that you can do about it, right…I know it’s dishonest, but sometimes you have do what you gotta do. 

Post # 22
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2021

I totally feel and understand what you’re going through. I have 2 cousins that I don’t want to invite. When my Fi and I wrote up the guest list we purposley left them off. My mother started crying and being all dramatic about it. She knows why I don’t like her neices and has seen how they treat me in public in front of her, but she says that we have to invite them because they are family. I put their names on there just to make her be quiet abotu it, btu we came to the compromise that if I invite them, she has to pay for them and they will not be allowed to bring their childern and they are to sit as far away as possible. I alsready told my Fiance and Maid/Matron of Honor to keep them away from me. After reading the posts on here I think I might do the "accidental" address mishap, that way I can truthfully day that I sent and invite but it must have just got lost.

Post # 23
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with everyone. I never thought of putting the wrong mailing address. Knowing my mom, she’d call and ask if they got an invite. Haha.

I am in the same boat, I have a family member or two that I refuse to invite. I will stickto my guns and hope everyone supports me.

Post # 24
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

im the same I invited an aunt out of obligation, now she might come, she’s said many horrible things to my mom and my aunt (thats another story), but she fed me for a year 

Post # 25
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

holy formatting.. ok, second try, tell your mom you will be uncomfortable with that cousin present, your wedding isn’t a family reunion, etc.

 

Post # 26
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My fiance linked this thread to me because apparently he’s doing research on how to tell my parents that my cousin is, by no means, allowed to make an appearance at our wedding.

We live with my parents and after going over our guest list 100 times, my mom has tried 4 times to tell me I need to invite my one male cousin.  Background story: In that family, my mom’s brother has 3 children.  Only one is invited because her and I are close – she comes to everything with her parents because she also has downs syndrome.  She’s sweet and I’m not sure that she can even possibly be related to her brother and sister who are downright rude and conceited.  Her sister got married like 5 years ago and invited select people to the wedding – my other cousin, my grandmother, and her immediate family.  My huge family took massive offense to this because of how she acted toward the whole situation.  I could have cared less.

Of all of my 8 cousins, only 3 are invited. My mom wants me to invite this particular cousin who is the brother of the girl who invited nobody to the wedding.  Well, I don’t want to for numerous reasons – he’s a jerk, he’s smug, he’s a creep, he flat out told me he wanted to take advantage of my open bar and that’s why he wants to come to my wedding (that was the first thing he said to me in over 10 years)… there are just so many reasons.  But neither he or his sister are invited because I don’t have a relationship with them.

I explained this to my mom and she won’t have it.  Yesterday, both her and my dad started this huge arguement with me telling me that I have to invite him because I just have to.  Here’s the kicker – My mom says I have to invite him but not his sister because, well, she didn’t invite anyone to HER wedding.

 

I will not have it.  I’ve told both of them every time that none of them are invited and that’s the end of the discussion and they keep bringing it up.

I feel for all of you girls on this topic.  It’s our wedding and I don’t think we should have to invite people just because they’re family or, in my case, to make another relative jealous. It’s insane and my mom is going to end up sitting at the back table if she keeps it up.

Post # 27
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is a problem for us as well. My fiance wants to invite the cousins he is close to (the guys he has been close to since a kid, and has played football with every Sunday for as long as he can remember), but he doesn’t want to invite ALL his other cousins for several reasons: 1. because of the cost it would mean cutting a load of friends who he is closer to and would prefer to come. 2. A lot of them are mean and would only come along to bitch/criticise the fact our relationship is inter-racial and gossip.

Yet his parents have basically told us all or none. We’re hoping this can be resolved by the fact we’re having 2 “weddings” a legal british one, and a religious asian one, and just inviting all his family to the latter, but not sure how his parents are going to take it.

The topic ‘How to NOT invite ONE cousin?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors