(Closed) How to not offend your spouse if in-laws are around too much?

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

At this point, I think I might just say something like I like spending time with your family, but lately with so & so’s wedding, it just feels a little bit overwhelming to me.  What do you think about spending Friday doing X by ourselves, and then spending x amount of time with family for your step dad’s birthday on Saturday, say from x:00-y:00, then maybe heading out and doing Z.  

Then maybe after the weekend, you could bring up a discussion of what you both think is time you spend with both families that are within both of your comfort zones.  For example, I love when we get to spend X # of weekends a month together, and I’ve realized that I am most comfortable visiting with your family every other month spending x amount of time.  What’s comfortable for you for spending time with my family?  

Post # 4
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Mlim :  If you’ve just seen them for a wedding, and step dad’s birthday is on Saturday, why on earth do you need to see his mom (who I assume is married to the step dad) for noodles on Friday? Surely that can be skipped.

Say you need some time apart from seeing them all the time, and it is draining. I’d also encourage him to skip noodles on Friday, as a small step to not saying “yes” to every invitation.

Post # 5
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

😉  I added a bit, so you can have maybe a more generalized conversation going forward!  

Post # 7
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Mlim :  Maybe you don’t always have to stay the entire day either, just because they are hosting time together, doesn’t mean you have to stay 12 hours! lol.

Post # 8
Member
9530 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Mlim :  My family in Spain is like his family.. nonstop all the time together.  When they aren’t hanging out with the family.. its because they have something else scheduled: dinner with friends or something.

I wish I had a suggestion for quiet time without them.. my family always just do it around hanging out.. like they’ll all have lunch together, then seperate for a few hours to do their own thing, then all have dinner together.

Communication is key, right?  Maybe let him know you didn’t grow up with that and you really crave weekends with jsut you and him, and you guys need to schedule some of those in for the sake of your sanity?

Post # 9
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Commenting to follow because I don’t have advice but I’d love to hear some! 

Mother-In-Law comes and stays upwards of a week (plus) each visit and it’s just exhausting. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and Darling Husband works M-F so I’m by myself with her and Dear Daughter all day, and I am a very private person and an introvert. I know she wants to see Dear Daughter, but 3-4 days at a time should suffice (this is monthly or every other month she visits). She also doesn’t do anything while there, just plays on her phone- so what is the point, really? (Don’t want to thread jack, but I had thought about making my own post about this lol). 

Post # 10
Member
6511 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You can’t control how he feels inside. It sounds like this is just for the last month or so so things will quiet down. Since you crave one on one time with him I think you should just say that. “I would really like to spend some time together, just the two of us.”

If he’s easygoing he might be open to anything but if he knows that you have a preference then he might start taking that into consideration when invites come up.

Post # 13
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee

I always have a similar problem! My boyfriend of 5+ years grew up the same way. In fact, his entire family lives on one street, 3 sets of aunts/uncles and grandparents. I on the other hand am an only child and my parents are I are the only ones on this side of the country. We are at the point in our relationship where I can be flat out honest with him and say I need some time off from his family, but I used to have to ease into it by explaining how it is very overwhelming for someone who is used to the complete opposite. Hang in there, bee!

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