Post # 1
I read a million posts about how everyone’s bridesmaids are unhelpful, they’re unsympathetic and what not. I’m here to tell you that not all bridesmaids are this bad, brides. Mine are great, but here’s why:
I recognize that this is MY wedding and not theirs. They’re not going to care as much as I do, so I don’t expect them to.
I recognize that their willingness to participate in my wedding is a gift to ME, not the other way around. Since I realize this, I also realize that they’re doing me a favor, I’m not doing one for them.
I realize that they have a life outside of me. They still have spouses and children and jobs and family and their free time does not belong to me.
While they are my bridesmaids, they are NOT my maids, so I don’t treat them as such.
I’ve realized that if I DON’T ask them constantly to do stuff, they’re much more willing to volunteer to do stuff. I have 250 invitations that need to be folded and stuffed in envelopes. I started that project alone. My maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids comes by one weekend, asks me to see the invites and there they sat… and folded and stuffed.
I went looking for jewelry for their dresses. I mentioned I was going, one just decides to come along. I sat and she shopped. All I had to do is pay. The other happened to be at David’s paying for her dress when she remembered that I said I was going to buy wraps for them. She called and offered to place the order for me. She did, I gave her my credit card and it was done.
The moral of the story is your wedding is not permission to act like a start raving bitch. Treat your bridal party the way you’d appreciate being treated if you were in THEIR position. Treat their money as if it were yours. If you stop acting like they owe you the world, they’ll make sure you feel like you’re on top of the world.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn
@dmk90716: I feel very similarly to you. I love my bridesmaids, but they’re not meant to be at my every beck and call for the next 10 months. I’m young so this is the first time my best friend has been a bridesmaid so she actually came to me and asked what her responsibilities were. I really appreciated that. My response? You’re responsible for a bachelorette party of some sort, buying a dress, and maybe talk to my mom and sister about the bridal shower. I can pretty much handle anything else. I think that if I don’t go bride-zilla on them, they’ll be much more likely to want to help me when I need it. I can’t thank my girls enough for standing by my side during my wedding. I want to make sure they know how much I appreciate that.
Post # 4
That’s right, we choose the people who we want to stand up there with us on our day because they are special to us. We need to let them know that they are special to us and treat them that way because we want them to still be special to us and a part of our lives in 20 years time.
Post # 5
My ladies were great with the exception of 1. She just dropped out of the wedding 35 days before the wedding and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t even congratulated me. My other ladies were the BEST!
Post # 6
@dmk90716: I agree with you in every single way.. I think some brides truely think their wedding is the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. In reality it’s not it’s just a wedding. Just another wedding for people and quite honestly nobody cares if BMs are wearing matching shoes (this is one of my pet peeves that brides do). pick a color for them and thats it.
Post # 7
in my life, I’ve been a bridesmaid 7 times.
during the planning and those 7 weddings, I’ve witnessed enough f-en drama to fill a week on Lifetime network.
One of the smartest things I ever did was to just have my sister as an attendant. I didn’t have to deal with any attitude or long dress debates. The plus thing on this is my sister was able to choose the dress she wanted to wear….and I’m pretty sure that years from now i will still be in contact with her!
If one of your bridesmaids is being that Blaise about the wedding, I would ask her candidly (in private) if she still wants to be a part of the wedding. Often times, I think, people automatically accept without fully thinking it through…or maybe she never really was on board but felt a sense of duty to say yes.
Post # 8
Exactly. I took my Maid/Matron of Honor to pick out dresses. She bought hers, I emailed the rest of them and said here’s your dress. Buy this and please pick a shoe of this color and make it comfortable for you. 2 of them called me and asked me about their hair, I told them to do whatever they’d like. I have the best set of bridesmaids because well, I’m not stressing them the hell out.
I was in a wedding where the bride behaved horribly. NONE of us speak to her today. I won’t be like that. I refuse.