(Closed) How to overcome losing a friend? :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 1
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

Not in the deceased sense but losing a friend over marriage.

 

I have known my friend for 15 years but after the fourth year she moved over 2000 miles away. She came back to the city where I live around five years ago but is around 2 hours drive away. We have caught up maybe twice a year mainly due to her studies and my career never being able to meet but I should also mention we both have not been as ‘in-touch’ as we could be. We are friends on facebook but she is not as active on it as I am.

She had been dating her boyfriend for about 8 months and recently got engaged 2 months ago. I sent a congratulatory text message by phone the moment I heard (on facebook changed her relationship status) and I sent an engagement card by mail.

My problem is I always seems to be me initiating catch ups, as rare as they are I do love catching up with her as she was a very close friend in the beginning of our friendship but now she seems disinterested.

I guess I’m asking for advice on how to stop giving it so much thought. I don’t have many girlfriends at all so losing another would be devestating. 

I think I’m just annoyed that she changed her relationship status on facebook and didn’t call me or message me, hasn’t seemed to want to discuss her wedding plans or for me to meet her new fiance. I’m being petty I know but every other friend of mine that got engaged either called or messaged their friends to let them know.

I get the feeling she is only coming to catch up with me because she feels she has to not because she wants to. Or that I’m much more wanting to be her friend than she does to be mine. Does that make sense?Undecided

Or maybe I’m just jealous. I have been with my SO for over 4 years and we have agreed we will hold off engagement until another year when he graduates. But I am genuinley  so thrilled for her to be engaged. It’s fantastic but it seems she doesnt appreciate my excitement.

We are catching up in a weeks time but I don’t want to be asking, hey do you hate me/do you not want to be friends with me or what’s going on!!!?

 

 

Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

hmmm. that’s tricky, because every girl is different and handles situations differently etc etc.

I think if you’re feeling slighted (did she call/msg other friends about her engagement and just not you?) you should talk to her about it… but maybe she just isn’t the calling/messaging type now.

Friendship dynamics can also often change when people start relationships or different phases in their lives. Again it is so hard to tell knowing so little about the situation, but if you feel she is a good friend- talk to her about it, calmly, don’t attack, just in a collected manner. Or see how the catch up goes before bringing anything up, maybe she’s been busy, maybe she’s had other stuff going on… you could verywell find all that out when you catch up.

Try to be patient 🙂

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