Post # 1
Man I totally feel like the New Girl with these questions, but I could really use some help here. First, how far out should I ask the girls? I’m getting married in a year… is this too soon? Should I wait? I’m confused. For reference, I’ll be asking 4 people, one of which is Future Sister-In-Law even though we’re no where near close. It’s FI’s request.
Secondly, I’m going to have major Maid/Matron of Honor struggles. I have two contenders: my best friend, and my cousin, who is the closest thing I have to a sister. My best friend and I have much more in common and have such a fun time together where ever we go, but my cousin is family and we’re pretty tight… although she and I have little in common. Neither one are married so I can’t have a maid and matron, and I feel weird about having 2 MOHs with only 4 BMs. Honestly I can see both of them being Maid/Matron of Honor, and I’m to the point where I feel like I’ll just flip a coin.
Should I wait longer and see if things play out differently, like if somehow someone magically comes through as the clear winner for MOH? Or should I… ? What should I do. Ugh. Help.
Also, how’d you ask? Did you do something cute, or like a card or something? Just want to see peoples ideas… and possibly steal them. 🙂
Post # 3
I would say wait… who was more excited when you told them you were engaged? this might be a hint as to how involved they may be with planning (or eager to be involved)
I was asked to be a Maid/Matron of Honor via email — DONT DO THAT ! hahaha
I would say take them out to lunch and then give them a card or something , perhaps with a poem inside asking them to be your Maid/Matron of Honor (i have seen some good card/poem ideas on here) and then you can hug it out and celebrate with martinis ….
or perhaps this is just how i wish i was asked 😛
Post # 4
I asked mine 15 months out. And first I chose my sisters but in the end I had to change it (I know, total faux pas) to my Best Friend. I decided that while my sisters and I are unbelievably close, I couldn’t NOT pick my Best Friend. She is the one I could trust more and would have more time for all the responsibilities the role would require. And how did I ask her? I didn’t. I informed her over FB chat. I know, lame. But I just couldn’t wait until I saw her again. lol.
Post # 5
Wait, wait, and wait to ask them. There are a zillion posts on the Bee from brides who asked their maids too early and regret their choice. Especially since you’re having decision issues about who to make your Maid/Matron of Honor. Definitely wait at least a few months.
Since you’re not close at all to Future Sister-In-Law, can you ask your Fiance if he would consider having his sister on his side as a groomswoman? Depending on how traditional you’re planning to be, this may not be a welcome option, but it seems more fair to me than forcing you to have a bridesmaid you don’t really want.
Post # 6
@linguo42: I’m definitely not traditional, but my Fiance is. I suggested that he have her on his side and he wasn’t down with it. He said if I had a brother he’d naturally expect to have him on his side with the other groomsmen…except, uh, I don’t have a brother soooo hmmm. He’s not even close with his sister either, so this is just odd to me. But whatever, not worth the drama you know?
And yeah, you’re right. I’ve read so many dramatic posts about bridesmaids that it’s probably best to wait. Both contenders were (and are) very excited about the wedding – one slightly moreso than the other thanks to a smidge of awkwardness (she wants marriage but its no where in sight after 5 years, etc). I guess I’ll just see what happens over the next couple of months.
Post # 7
I’m like 99% sure that I’m having two MOHs, because there’s no way for me to choose between my lifelong best friend and the girl who has practically been my sister for the past 3 years. They both helped pick out the ring, and I couldn’t imagine not giving them both the title. Who says you can’t have multiple? It’s your wedding and you make the rules!
Post # 8
I asked over a year out. I would say to choose Maid/Matron of Honor based on how much they will be there to help and support you – especially on the week of the wedding! if you can’t decide, wait a little while and it’ll come to you.
I asked mine by “proposing” in dave and buster’s with a napkin ring. LOL. little buzzed.
Post # 9
We were engaged in June 2010 and I think I asked them sometime in July or August for our October 2011 wedding. However, my bridesmaids are also my best friends of 15+ years so I knew there wasn’t going to be any issues leading up to our wedding.
As for the Maid/Matron of Honor decision, I would wait on it. I see no problem with asking them all to be bridesmaids and then “promote” your choice down the road. That way you can see who’s really into it and who deserves the job.
When I was preparing to ask my girls, I knew I wanted to do something cute and memorable. I was never asked in a cute way (geez, I don’t even think I was really asked at all for my 2 best friends weddings. It was just sort of assumed.) so I knew I wanted to do something a little different when it was my turn. I had cupcakes made to ask the girls and they were a huge hit. Seriously, who doesn’t love a cupcake?
Post # 10
Oh! Yesterday I did my first “official” asking to one of my ladies after we went on an adventure through the park and climbed up a waterfall. I’m not close to a lot of girls, but the 3 that I’m close with I am CLOSE with, and I know I couldn’t imagine my life or wedding without them. So it was a natural choice, I just wasn’t sure how to ask her (or any of them!).
We decided it would be pretty much the coolest thing ever to climb to the top of the waterfall and jump in the pool below (we tested it first to make sure it was plenty deep enough not to get hurt!), and right before we jumped I was like, “Hey, in case we accidentally die, I have to ask you if you’ll officially be my bridesmaid.” And of course she said yes and we were excited and then we jumped off a waterfall.
Planned? Nope. Epic? YES.
Post # 11
I asked over a year out… all my maids are in different states than me, so while I wanted to do something cute, for my BMs I ended up asking them via Skype. My Maid/Matron of Honor I called as soon as I got engaged- but she knew she was my MOH— we have talked about it since we were like 10. So… As far as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Its hard- one is a good friend and one is family. I think that you should choose who you feel closer to and would do a better job at helping with what you need help with.
Post # 12
I think one of the first things i did was ask my BMs.. we didn’t even have a date to tell them lol! Which turned out to be a very good thing because my Maid/Matron of Honor is in Australia this summer and a Bridesmaid or Best Man in South Africa and so i was able to fit the date around when everyone i wanted to be there was in the country 🙂
There also wasn’t really any other contender for who my Maid/Matron of Honor was going to be, my Maid/Matron of Honor has been my other half since we were 4yrs old 🙂
I sent them little cards in teh post since i live away from all of them..
Post # 13
@mrsbacon: CUTEST THINGS EVER!!!
Post # 14
@Miss Fish: Aww thank you Miss. Fish!! I stole the idea from oncewed.com and just changed the design so they were more personal 🙂
DIY Bridesmaid Cards