Post # 1
Ok, I know this may seem like a silly question as I’m sure for most, it’s an easy task. For me, however, (without going into too many details), I grew up with a severe distrust in women due to my mother. She’s no longer living, but growing up and even into my older years, she was very mean and abusive. I’ve gotten better over the past 10 years or so and I have some wonderful friendships with women; there aren’t many, but the ones I do have, I hold close.
I know that bridesmaids are supposed to be your best friends or women who you grew up with that you consider very special to you (and you can depend on).
I’ve sat here and thought about potential people to be my bridesmaids but the few that I’ve thought of, I’m not sure if they can/will be dependable (or will even be able to come to the wedding… or could afford bridesmaid things such as the dress etc.).
Ideally, I’d like to have 3 in my party along with 3 on the grooms side. A maid/matron of honor and 2 bridesmaids. I just don’t know how to approach it. I tend to be practical and sometimes over think things.
Post # 2
I picked my 2 best friends. My Maid/Matron of Honor I’ve known since high school, we drifted apart when she went off to college but reconnected 10 years ago when she moved back and I was going through a divorce. She’s been my best friend since. My bridesmaid is my other best friend I met 10 years ago. They are the two most constant friends in my life that are very important to me, and have been influential or a part in some way of my relationship with my fiancé. I knew I wanted to keep our wedding party small and intimate and picking them was a no brainer. I could have picked a few other girls I’m close to in addition just to have a bigger wedding party but we didn’t want that. They would have just been “fillers” so to speak.
i would pick your closest friends you have a constant relationship with. Who you spend the most time with, talk to the most, has an positive impact on you and/of fiancé’s life.
Post # 3
If there isn’t anyone that you trust enough to be dependable, don’t have a wedding party. It’s not uncommon or weird.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 4
Agree with PP – if you don’t trust anyone enough in the role, don’t do it. My Maid/Matron of Honor is planning to have one person – me – stand next to her. She doesn’t want anyone else. That’s not weird and neither is having no one. Your day, your decision.
Post # 5
I have 7 bridesmaids. 2 are family, 5 friends.
I have made a “best friend” at every stage in life (middle school, high school, college, job, etc.) and still regularly talk to most of them (not elementary school, not high school), so they were natural selections. They’re all reliable and dependable, and they can all afford it.
But you don’t have to have any at all if you don’t want to. Really. I had a friend who chose her brother.
Post # 6
Would they still be considered bridesmaids if they are much older than you? What about if they’ve been married before but are now divorced? Can you have more than one matron of honor if your friends are married? Do titles really matter?
I’m 34 and most all of my friends are somewhat older than I am (early/mid 40’s). The lady whom I consider the “mother I never had” who helped me through the whole distrust of women ordeal, I had half thought of asking her to be my matron of honor but am not sure.
I literally have no one left on my side. Both of my parents are gone, I was never really close to my Dad’s side of the family (he was the black sheep of the family) nor my maternal extended family, I really don’t know them either. My mom’s brother (my Uncle) passed away a couple of years ago as well. So as far as “immediate” family which isn’t even immediate is my Uncle’s partner of 20+ years who is local, my Aunt (who was married to my Uncle/mom’s brother years ago) and her son, which is my cousin. They both live in New Mexico (my cousin is in prison). I’ve asked my Uncle’s partner, who I also consider my Uncle, though he’s not blood and they never married, to walk me down the aisle.
So I have a slight “conflict” on my reasoning for matron of honor as I had half thought about having her and her husband and daugther be in the photos as my family instead of me standing all alone, or just with my Uncle’s partner.
So it’s kind of complicated.
Post # 7
idk if this
Ideally, Id like to have 3 in my party along with 3 on the grooms side. A maid/matron of honor and 2 bridesmaids. I just don;t t know how to approach it. I tend to be practical and sometimes over think things.
is practical or overthinking exactly , sounds more like you have some picture in your mind of how a wedding party ought to look and that ‘s what you are going for , even though it doesn’t fit your life and/or situation .
I would just have the lady who was like a /better than your mother as your ‘best woman ‘ as it were , and leave it at that. And, if I might suggest , continue work on the rather worrying aspect of your severe distrust of women .
Post # 8
It’s probably a little bit of both (over thinking and/or practical) and you’re probably right on the common ideal of how many people in the wedding party. If I could have a large party (say 4 or 5 on each side), that would be awesome. In reality, it’s not practical and while I know a lot of people, I’m not sure if they’d be willing, dependable to help, could afford or could even come. Not only that, but I’m quite the introvert believe it or not so while I know a lot of people, I tend to keep to myself if that makes sense.
As for the problem of distrust in women, it’s getting better. It’s been a long journey and at times it hasn’t been easy but the lady which I spoke of above (matron of honour), she has been my life saver in that respect. She saw the best in me when my own mother couldn’t and showed me the love that I either never received or barely recieved from my mother. We’ve known each other for roughly 10 years and although it hasn’t been easy at times, we were put in each other’s lives for a reason.
By the way… thank you <3
Post # 9
Ailis83 : “I’m not sure if they can/will be dependable” – what exactly do you mean this? How do you thinkl they not be dependable?
Post # 10
Ailis83 : “I’m not sure if they can/will be dependable” – what exactly do you mean this? How do you think they will not be dependable?
Post # 11
For example, the people I had in mind… they are good friends but at times it seems to be a one way street. They say they’ll call and never do or you don’t see them for months even though they live in the same town. I get it, things happen but for something like this I’d like a tight knit group that will help and be supportive. More or less, what I’m getting at by that is that they say they’ll do something and never do it.
Post # 12
Ailis83 : I don’t have any sisters or female cousins that I know well so I picked my closest friends and my Fiance’s sister. Not all of them are friends from childhood. They are all girls that I’d consider to be very dependable.
Think about it this way.. if you invited these women to your birthday party/holiday party/housewarming party would they come? My way of thinking is that the people who are relaible and show up to things that matter to you are your true friends. No matter the age gap.
I saw that you mentioned that you want them to help… be aware that wedding planning is on you. Bridesmaids don’t help pick vendors, make decisions about decor, address things, make crafts (unless they enjoy crafting) etc. They are just VIPs that stand and celebrate with you. They’ll wear a specific dress and perhaps plan a bachleorette party and shower
Post # 13
I don’t think there are really any rules when it comes to this sort of thing. If you want to choose women who are older than you, that’s fine. If you want to choose a male friend or relative, that’s also fine! I’ve been to weddings with no bridal parties as well as weddings where the bride’s brother was the “Man of Honor”. I think anything goes these days. Just do what feels right to you.
And second the poster that said your bridal party is not responsible for planning the wedding. That’s on you (or a paid professional). Sorry.
Post # 14
I was actually having a discussion about this with the lady I consider the mother I never had, today at lunch. She basically said the same thing – that there really aren’t any rules etc.
I guess I’ve got it stuck in my head that things have to be a certain way based on the (what little) knowledge I have gathered from going to other weddings in the past or looking at old family photos of weddings and that goes for bridesmaids as well (or even through a google search on “what role do bridesmaids have”). Everything that I’ve read online says that they have duties to help etc. So that has me confused.
Either way, I’ve got plenty of time to figure it out.