Post # 1
Hi guys, this will hopefully not be too long a post.
Over the past year, I’ve come to terms with my mother being a lifelong narcissist. I’ve confronted her about a few instances of abuse (both recent and from my past) and her response has been to attack me and to have my family essentially turn against me. They think I’m the one in the wrong and my mother is the victim. This is apparently pretty classic behavior for a narcissist and his/her surrounding enablers.
At any rate, I don’t really have a relationship with my mother, my relationship with my father is VERY strained, and I’m pretty much on the barest of speaking terms with my sister. My parents have expressed vocally that no one (meaning the three of them) is happy about my upcoming wedding.
We are still five months from the big day and I’m curious if anyone else has had to deal with these issues before getting married. How did you involve your family in your wedding, or did you not try? Where did you set boundaries, what did you do differently than others? I’m not at the point of uninviting anyone, but I don’t see them playing large roles in the festivities.
I should also mention: my extended family along with my fiance’s family are absolutely overjoyed for us. We also have a strong circle of friends who are ecstatic as well, so luckily we will have a good deal of support and love no matter if my parents and sister are in attendance or not. Thanks!
Post # 2
Sorry you have to deal with this. Truth be told, there are family members on both sides that we just don’t bother to talk to. If someone is bringing nothing but pain to your life, it’s best to just cut them out altogether. You deserve to be happy! Tell them to screw themselves. Take it from me, you will be much happier once it’s over and they’re out of your life!
Post # 3
We’re experiencing the same thing, I feel for you bee! We’ve decided to just not include people and their negativity in our day! It wasn’t an easy decision to make, so lean on that support girl! Best of luck!
Post # 4
Thanks so much for the responses! It’s hard to stay strong and positive at times but it helps to know others have made it through this kind of situation. Thanks again!
Post # 5
Yeah, don’t not invite or anything, , unless behaviour is escalated to unbearable heights. Just don’t talk to them about it at all . Do your fun stuff with future IL’s , and Fi.
Fuck ’em. Be ready later down the track though , for sister demands to be Maid/Matron of Honor, or a big MOB presence and dress experience ( they will both probably want to wear ivory prom gowns ) or fatherly aisle walking and ‘giving away’ etc . All of which you will decline with a pleasant smile and a “oh I wouldn’t dream of bothering you to do that , I know you are all busy , so please , rest easy,its all taken care of ” etc .
Post # 6
This sounds so similar to my story. Narcissistic mom, ended up finding out she stole money from me that I didn’t know was mine, weird relationship with dad as we only just started talking just over a year ago, immediate family is just a super weird situation and I’m the bad guy. I invited both parents, if they come do not behave they get kicked out end of story.
Easier said than done of course I keep having little mini breakdowns about the whole thing as the date approaches but you are most definitely not alone. I hope everything goes ok for you.
Post # 7
I know all about narcissistic mothers… I would say try to keep the wedding small and low-key so that there isn’t too much to do anyway. Don’t expect them to participate in any helpful way and just accept their presence, but with some kind of back-up plan for removing your mom if she starts throwing a fit. Good thing your in-laws are kind. My future mother in law is a gem, like the mother I never really got to have. <3