(Closed) How to plan a wedding with a possible death in the future?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think I would postpone your wedding on the probability that someone might die sometime in the future. I think it’s really wonderful that you want to be sensitive to his family, but because it is just so difficult to predict when the death will occur it is going to be REALLY difficult to plan around it. Hopefully his family can see your wedding as a positive thing during a difficult time.

Post # 4
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think I would change it, especially if you’re not very close to her and your FI’s mother hasn’t requested that you do. I don’t mean that to sound callous, but if you’ve already postponed once and would lose significant amounts of money, it doesn’t make much sense. I could see moving it *up* so that she could be there, but given that she could pass away at any point over this time period, I’d stick with your original date. Just have a plan in place to recognize her at the ceremony, if necessary.


Post # 5
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t postpone the wedding because I know people who have been given 3-6 months to live over 10 years ago and are still going strong. If anything it might give her a chance to be there (if you want her there since fi isn’t close to her.) I would just suggest that if she does pass before recognizing that at the ceremony could be a nice gesture.

Post # 6
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I wouldn’t change it either.  If she was very close to you and your Fiance, I could see trying to move it up, but trying to postpone so everyone can deal with her death is unnecessary.  You can just hope for the best, maybe she’ll make it somehow anyway.  I think you’re great for wanting to find ways to be sensitive, but I don’t think you two need to go so far as postponing your wedding because of it.  If the doctors end up being right, your wedding might be a wonderful time for your family to have something to celebrate after having mourned your FI’s grandmother.

Post # 7
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am so sorry for what youre going though.  My family has been dealing wiht alot of Cancer stuff in the past few years and unfortunatly i dont have advice for you but i am intrested in what the other Bee’s have to say.   My Stepmoms mother keep relapsing and while she seems fine for now she keeps having bouts of bad stuff.

Post # 8
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I wouldn’t change it either.  My grandmother, who I was very  very close to and was very sick for many years (too sick to ever attend the wedding), died a month before our wedding.  We knew it could happen at any time, including the weekend of our wedding.  But she could have also held on for another year.  We actually liked to believe that her passing so close before our wedding was in part so she could be with us in spirit, who knows.    I think you should keep your plans, make room and space to attend her funeral if it happens before and find a way to honor her at your wedding…

Post # 9
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I wouldn’t change anything.  If she is well enough to be there- great!  If she passes, then she will be missed.

The only way I think this could impact your wedding is if she dies in the few days prior and there are funeral arrangements to be made.  But even if that is the case, they can either be put together hastily or postponed for a few days until after your wedding.

What does your Future Mother-In-Law think you should do?  My mom would say to go on with the show.  People (even those who are healthy) die all the time- you’d never get married if you postponed for every health issue in the family.

Post # 10
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I completely agree with what’s been said above.  And I too knew someone with lung cancer given 2 years to live, and eneded up clearing herself of cancer completely. 

Post # 11
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I’m so sorry that this is something that’s happening during your happiest time, but I do have to agree with everyone above. I don’t think that you should postpone the wedding. If his grandmother is in the hospital or in a home at the time of the wedding, it would be a sweet gesture to visit her at some point during your wedding day so that she can see you both in your wedding attire. I’m sure that would make her day brighter.

Should she not make it until your wedding day, having something dedicated to her in the program would also be a very nice thing to do. I would definitely go ahead with your plans…

Post # 13
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i agree with the other folks. i dont think you should postpone it. its so great that youre being sensitive to your family, but your wedding is a joyous occasion that your family and friends WANT to share with you. you never know what’s going to happen, but all you can do is move forward and try to enjoy life while you can.

we are in a similar situation – our wedding is in about 4 1/2 weeks and my FI’s grandfather is in the hospital and not doing well – he is about 90 years old and has several serious health issues. we aren’t changing anything because there is just no way to predict what will happen, but we know he wont be able to attend…it’s very sad but it does show you how important it is to live every day to its fullest.

Post # 14
11 posts

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I wouldn’t change your date. You have spent so much time planning and had to postpone once before. Everyone can see you have been respectful. A Wedding is a joyous occassion and I’m sure in this difficult time people would look forward to have something joyous to look forward to

Post # 15
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010


 my best friend’s husband’s grandmother died unexpectedly the DAY before their wedding.  they still went along with the wedding ceremony, because at that point, there is nothing you can do, other than honor the family member who has passed away, and hold the wedding ceremony.  i think its a bit different though, like if either you or your fiance’s mother or father were to pass away.  My bf and i have discussed that if, God forbid this were to happen, that we would postpone the wedding. (on the other hand though, we havent started shelling out those nonrefundable deposits on venues, etc. so this might be the naive side of us speaking.)  But i agree with the other posters on here, since your fiance and his side of the family isnt that close to her, it seems like you should be able to keep your wedding date, but if she does indeed pass, honor her memory at your reception. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Unfortunately, it is very hard to plan a wedding around the possible passing of a loved one. I too agree with all the ladies above in that you shouldn’t change the date.

My Future Sister-In-Law went through this for her wedding. Her own Mother was dying of colon cancer while she was planning the wedding. Unfortunately, she had passed about 6 months prior to the wedding. It was very hard for her because she wanted her mother around for one of the special times in her life. Because of her untimely passing she had honored her Mother at the wedding. It’s really the only thing you can do.

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