Post # 1
I’m an avid Facebook user, but I want to maintain some privacy concerning the wedding. On two consecutive weekends I have seen people tag and post photos of my acquaintances’ weddings AS THE EVENTS WERE OCCURRING! (For real…I don’t think the bride was even out of the church before photos of the ceremony were liveblogged on Facebook for her 1200 “friends” to see.) Additionally, at recent weddings I have attended, I have been so disappointed by how the ceremony was dominated by guests trying to get the perfect shots; as the brides were walking down the aisle, their dominant view must have been all the smartphones shoved into the aisle and not their friends’ smiling faces! In light of how digital culture has infiltrated weddings, how do I reasonably accomplish the following?
1. I don’t want smartphones dominating the atmosphere, especially the ceremony.
2. I don’t want photos going up on Facebook during or right after the wedding.
3. (Most touchy) I REALLY don’t want people captioning pics of us/our wedding as “Mr. & Mrs Doe,” as we’re each keeping our name, and it bothers me to no end when people automatically assume I’m changing mine.
My initial idea is to communicate via a sign and/or a note in the program that we a) request that guests respect the sacredness of the occasion by refraining from photographing during the church portion of the day (i.e., the ceremony) and b) ask that guests wait to post photos on social networking sites until a few days later. This will hopefully address #1 & #2, and maybe by the time we’ve been introduced as Jane Smith & John Doe during the reception, people will be less inclined to default to the Mr. & Mrs terminology in their social networking posts. I also plan to disable FB photo and post tagging for the wedding day and shortly after, so at least if anyone uploads wedding photos to Facebook during the day, they won’t link to my account.
Is there a better way to accomplish these goals without coming across as a witch-with-a-B? It’s not that we NEVER want photos to go onto FB, but we’d like to maintain a little privacy during and immediately after the wedding.
Post # 3
@philodendron: I think the only thing you can do is request that photos not be taken during the wedding. Once photos are taken they belong to the person who took them and they are free to post them as they wish.
As far as the name thing goes, I completely respect your decision to keep your name. However that’s a battle you are going to be facing for awhile, not just in photo captions on facebook. I wouldn’t sweat it for this.
ETA – Just to clarify about the name change, I would totally post something on the “Mr. and Mrs. Doe” thing like “What??? Who is this Mrs. Doe character???” or something stupid just to get the point across that you didn’t change your name.
Post # 4
I dont see why you cant have a note in the program and/ or a sign as u enter the church… I have seen signs of ppl saying no cellphone use or something along those lines… people should respect ur wishes
Post # 5
I think it would be fine to put a note in the program, also, at my SIL’s wedding where I was MOH, the minister actually asked everyone to turn phones off before SIL arrived. We didn’t ask him to do this, he just hates phones during ceremonies, so perhaps you could ask the minister to say something similar?
Post # 6
That’s impossible to control at a reception, but you can TOTALLY request that no one but the photographer take photos during your ceremony. At my church, that’s the rule. This will be harder to enforce if you’re not getting married in a house of worship, but it is something your officiant could mention beforehand. It’s something I prefer anyway, regardless of facebook. I just don’t want to walk down the aisle and see a sea of cell phones raised at me trying to get the perfect shot and no faces. People will understand.
Disable both your facebooks on the day of, people will be unable to tag you or post pictures on your wall even, that should help as well.
Post # 7
I would also google “unplugged weddings” it is actually getting to be a thing to ask people to not take pictures. I love when photogs take pics of everyone watching the ceremony, and it seriously irks me when you see 5 iPhones and 6 cameras in the frame. FI thinks it would be rude to ask people not to take pictures, so I’m thinking about putting a little camera icon where i’d like people to take pictures (the kiss, exchange of rings, just the general photo-op times anyway) so that people can still have their picture fix, but hopefully the photog can still get some shots without all the smartphones and cameras in the picture
Post # 8
Perhaps communicate your wishes to a few close friends and family before the wedding and ask them to spread the word during the ceremony if they see the iphones getting out of control. It will sound much better coming from Uncle Bob giving a friendly suggestion rather then a guest feeling like they are being given rules by you.
Post # 9
These are great, and I love the “unplugged wedding” suggestion. Thanks, everyone!
Post # 10
This is tough. I tried my best to control who posts what of my engagement part. I told my FI’s fb addicted relatives to flat out not post pictures of me or FI. It was awkward but it got the job done. I posted a couple pictures later but they are of ME and my FI for MY FRIENDS to see…not random people. I ended up deleting my FB. People should respect your wishes and boundaries.
Post # 11
Per the unplugged wedding suggestion, I pieced together some wording for our wedding info email (not doing a website) and the program:
Info email (will go out 1 week before wedding):
A note on our “unplugged” marriage ceremonyWe want you to be able to really enjoy our wedding day, feeling truly present and in the moment with us. We’ve hired an amazing wedding photographer named _______ who will be capturing the way the wedding looks — and we’re inviting each of you to sit back, relax, and just enjoy how the wedding feels. We’re respectfully asking that everyone consider leaving all cameras and cell phones off during the ceremony (including when we enter the church and when we walk out as a newly married couple) and other ritualistic parts of the day such as the cake cutting and first dance. We want to be able to see your lovely faces when we look out among our family and friends. Of course we will be happy to share our wedding photos with you afterward!
One last thing… Instead of uploading your post-ceremony photos to social networking sites, please post them to _______________. (e.g., Photobucket, Flickr)
Note in ceremony program:
We want you to be able to relax and have fun with us today! With this in mind, we invite you to put down all your favorite devices and just be present in the moment with us. Please leave your camera in your bag (we’ve got photography covered!), and put your cell phone on mute (we promise they’ll call back!).
We promise to share our professional wedding photos; today the greatest gift you can give us is just being fully here with us in this sacred and special moment.
Post # 12
I don’t think you can really ask your guests not to take pictures at the reception. The ceremony yes, but not the reception. People like to take pictures. Who knows, maybe they will get some amazing shots that your photographer missed.
To be very honest, if I felt like I was being forced to not take my phone out at the reception I would be more inclined to do so out of spite.
Post # 13
I think what you have written is very polite. I’m not sure if you are looking for feedback but I will be honest in the hope that it helps. I think as a guest I would be confused… I can’t take photos in the ceremony, cake cutting,first dance…can I take them when you’re announced at the reception? During speeches? I think you may want to be careful about being too prescriptive or people won’t be relaxed, they’ll be worrying about snapping a pic at the wrong time. I’m also not sure you can tell them where to post the pics after..they own the photos so I think they can post them where they like.
It’s a tough one cos this is obviously important to you…just remember people want to take photos cos they love you and are excited about your day, which I think is really nice!
Hope whichever way you decide works out well for you 🙂
Post # 14
I think it is rude to not allow guests to capture photographs for their memories. For some people taking photos is how they are part of an event or how they can keep the memories. What guest doesn’t want a shot of the bride and groom atthe alter or the bride in her dress etc. I think it is ridiculous to expect guests to fork out cash to a professional photographer to be able to have a photograph of your ceremony. By inviting guests to your wedding you are asking them to participate in your day and to some that means capturing the moments!
Also I have posted on threads like this before that a friend had an unplugged wedding and the photographer had all his equipment stolen and hence she has no photographs at all since none of the guests were allowed to take photos. Honestly most of the guests to her face were that is such a shame poor you but behind her back they were definately saying well that’s what you get!