Post # 1
One of my BMs is getting married this summer and her bachelorette party is the beginning of June. At first her friends who were planning the party said it was going to be in Toronto or Montreal, but now I’m pretty sure it’s going to be out of the country like Vegas or Miami.
I’m currently saving up for my own wedding, which will be later on in the fall and to be honest I just don’t have the funds to do a destination bachelorette party as much fun as that would be.
So the best thing to do financially would be to decline, but I feel guilty as she is one of my BMs and as such is putting in extra effort for my own wedding. I feel like if I don’t go she might feel resentful towards me. Plus I know her friends are going to be like “oh you have time to save up the money”, “just dip into your savings”.
FYI – we do not live in the same city and I will be traveling for her wedding as she will for mine. However for her wedding I get to just stay at my parents place for free while she’s paying for a hotel for mine. She’s not having any BMs at her wedding.
Anyway, I just need some advice on how to politely decline the invitation and how to tproperly explain my reasoning without sounding like a scrooge. Really I’m super bad in these types of situations and I feel I always blurt out the wrong things, so any advice would help. Thank you!!
Post # 3
@VintageMichelle: take her to an alternative just yall dinner or something explaining you cant afford a whole trip. that way she knows that you love her but just cant swing it.
Post # 4
Go to dinner/coffee somewhere private and discuss with her privately about your financial concerns. I’d offer to help chip in for some of her costs on her B-Party with her Maid/Matron of Honor. IE, it’ll be cheaper than going but you’re still helping pay for her room or her dinner, shenanigans, etc. If they’re doing a lingerie/naughty gift then offer to help chip in for that.
Post # 5
If the bride will be understanding, I would just tell the truth.
Otherwise, “Sorry, but I have to work on ____” or “I can’t get those days off” usually does the job for me. You could also happen to have a family reunion or another wedding to go to.
Having a bachelorette party in another country and expecting everyone to be able to attend is a little insane IMO.
Post # 7
If she is a true friend, she should understand. Just be honest with her.
Maybe write out a script and rehearse what you want to say to her. Might sound corny but it couldn’t hurt!
Post # 8
Find out how much it’s going to cost first, then talk to your friend. Maybe you can agree to hotel share, or it’ll just a a night, or the plans will change between now and then!
I wouldn’t tell her no until the details have been settled.
Post # 9
@VintageMichelle: Actually I find cost to be the easiest excuse. “Sorry I can’t afford it”. If you tell the organisers early enough, it might force them to change their plans. In My Humble Opinion destination bachelorette parties are excessive.
You might also want to throw in that you only want a local bachelorette party yourself.
Post # 10
I’ve gotten to where when I decline an invitation, I simply decline with regret and wish them a happy event. I don’t provide an explanation. My reason is good enough for me and I shouldn’t need to justify it to someone else. The problems start if they don’t think your reason is good enough. IF they are rude enough to ask why, I’ll say, “It’s just not going to work for me, sorry.”
Post # 11
I am in a similar situation – I have to decline an invite to a bachelorette party also.
My cousin and I are both getting married in New York, a few months apart. But I currently live in Chicago and next month will move to Baton Rouge. So I need to fly back and forth a lot to plan things for both weddings. It is getting very expensive!
I flew in for her bridesmaids luncheon, and I also will fly in in April for her shower and June for her wedding. But I just can’t afford to fly in for her bachelorette party in May.
Everyone completely undestands that I am doing the best I can with this unique situation. It sounds like you are in a unique situation too!
I think if you just explain nicely to the bride why you can’t attend, and then, as pp said, take her to dinner to celebrate, she should be fine with it!
Post # 12
@EffieTrinket: +1, it’s like expecting everyone to make your Destination Wedding.
Post # 13
If she can’t understand that a fellow bride can’t afford a weekend in another country for her bachelorette, she’s a little crazy.
Post # 14
@VintageMichelle: One of my BMs couldn’t come to my bachelorette which was in New York, she lives in Boston (4 hrs) and I have another friend in a wedding who is struggling to say no flying from LA to Miami. People work, have different issues and budgets, it’s understandable especially when you have to put time into all the other events and wedding itself and your own wedding on top of it! If you explain all this nicely I’m sure, I hope, she’ll be understanding.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@VintageMichelle: Wait until you find out for sure before you say no. I think that Vegas is actually pretty cheap depending on what you were planning to do/stay. Have you told the girl planning it about your budget? They will honestly understand if it is not in your budget, if you tell them. Or just leave it at “I’m sorry, but I just cannot make it”.