- 3 years ago
I super fortunate that my AMAZING fiance is excited to be involved in the planning the wedding. From the start, my parents said they’d pay for the wedding and have been very receptive to the ideas we’ve had. FI and I did a lot of research on venues and picked 6 “finalists.” 2 were ones we both loved and knew we wanted to see, then both of us picked 2 more. We knew going in that the Masonic temple in Detroit was our top runner. I shared this list with my parents and told them the Masonic was our frontrunner, because we were super excited about it and they seemed on board.
Fast forward a bit, we’ve pretty much picked the Masonic as our venue, but when my parents came in town we invited them to see one last venue with us. We talked about taking them to the Masonic but they thought we should see something different to have more to compare (although we’ve compared a lot online and in person already). I made an appointment with one on our list, and we saw that one, but my parents dragged us to THREE MORE that day that weren’t on our list and didn’t have appointments. The next day they went back to their favorite (one not on our list that we had researched and decided against) on their own without telling us and got a personal estimate. I know they are paying, but we felt extremely disrespected by this, especially when they knew we love the Masonic and have a personal estimate and even date reserved there.
Since then, they have been reeling against the Masonic, picking out every negative thing they can about the area, venue, Freemasonry, etc, but we LOVE it and there’s nothing like it. We tried to compromise and asked if it’d make them feel better if we had the ceremony elsewhere and then reception at our venue, but even that they “just can’t get behind.” My dad has been asking if I’ve made appointments to “see the next place.” We have reasonable responses to every concern they throw our way, but they just won’t be supportive in the slightest, although they said nothing when we said it was the frontrunner on our list.
Fortunately, everyone else has been super supportive and the FIL want to go see the Masonic with us and are willing to help out financially. How do I tell my parents that working with them has become stressful so we’d rather pay for it ourselves (with FIL’s help) than cause more friction to a relationship that’s been great until this moment?
I’m thinking of saying something along the lines of “We really appreciate that you’re willing to help with our wedding, but we really want to celebrate at the Masonic. We agree that it’s unfair of us to expect you to help financially with something you can’t get behind, so we’re thinking it’s best if we finance and plan this ourselves. We really hope you’ll be able to enjoy our wedding for how we envision it.” Someone mentioned that it may be a good idea to add something about if they still wish to help, we’d appreciate a donation toward the honeymoon or even something like our future kid’s college fund. What do you think? I don’t want to hurt their pride but both my FI and I were looking forward to planning a fun celebration that’s representative of our relationship and it’s turning dramatic and I absolutely hate it.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by peekaboo89.