(Closed) How to politely decline…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

how about “thanks for the generous offer but we

a) aren’t ready to make that decision yet” (if you are going to have ring bearer/ flower girl)

b) are not having a ring bearer / flower girl (if that truly is the case)

i’d side step the self invite for now.

Post # 4
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree, just say you’ve already got one (if you have) or you’re not having one.

Maybe they thought they were helping you out, but it’s pretty silly to send that message! People go mental when it comes to things like this though.

Post # 5
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree with everyone else, just say “That’s very kind, but we’re not having a ring bearer or flower girl/we already asked some other children.”  I agree that the message was a bit pushy, but your cousin was probably just excited at the thought of her kids in fancy clothes and got a bit carried away!

Are you still planning on not inviting your cousin’s family?  If so, it might be a good idea to gently hint that you’re having a “small wedding” so they will be less surprised or hurt when their invitation never arrives.  If you’re not having a ring bearer or flower girl at all, you might say something like “we’re having an intimate wedding and we wanted to keep the wedding party small, so we decided not to have a ring bearer or flower girl.” 

Post # 6
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow. People really come out of the woodwork for weddings =) This is happening to me too.

I would just have your mom deal with it … haha

Post # 7
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

@MsHymanRoth- Amen. I’ve had several family members AND some sort of random friends offer their children. The friends are the weirdest ones, because they’re people that I’ll say hey to in public, etc, but don’t do anything socially together. Is strange.

I just say we’re not having kiddies in or at the wedding. 🙂

Post # 8
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Thanks for posting this! I get the feeling my family might try to pull this stunt, but their kids are SO BAD! No way are they even invited, much less something like be my flower/ ring kids!

Post # 9
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

People, please!

I’d say “thanks for the offer, but we [insert excuse here]” I guess it’s kind of nice that she offered her kids services (lol) but if you haven’t seen her since you were kids, it seems like a ploy for an invite. Like “remember me- we were inseparable from ages 6-9?” lol

Post # 10
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with NYBrides idea. Just be honest but sweet.

Post # 11
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Don’t tell her you haven’t decided because then she will still think there is a chance. Just be straightforward, honest, and polite.

Post # 12
4485 posts
Honey bee

Some people have alot of nerve. If she hasn’t spoken to you in that many years, why show up out of the blue and force her children into your wedding? Tell her thanks but you have already made a decision not to have a ringbearer or flowergirl.

Post # 13
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Are you planning on inviting any children to the wedding?  If not then I would go the step further and say something along the lines of “That is so sweet of you too offer but we are planning a kid free wedding”.  That way if you do decide to invite your cousin later, she already knows not to try to add on her kids.

Post # 14
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’d go with:

Thank you so much for your kind offer. It would be sweet to have young cousin’s name in the wedding, but we haven’t even gotten as far as finalizing the guest list yet. I’m afraid it’s looking like we’re probably going to be having a very small wedding at this point. I’m sure you’ve been through all the budget and venue restrictions and know the difficulties planning a wedding, so I won’t bore you with the details. I just wanted to write and let you know how much it means to me that you’d even offer young cousin’s participation.


The Bride

Post # 15
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The previous posts have the right idea… just let her know that you either have a fg/rb already, or, that you plan not to have one. As far as not inviting them I would say something like “Because our wedding is over a year out, We have yet to finalize any plans on the size and guest list details, but I will keep your offer in mind!”

Post # 16
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m having my wedding half a planet away from most of my family, and still I get the odd cousin assuming they’re invited.  (No cousins were invited to my brother’s wedding, which was much closer to them — you would think they’d have got the hint!)

But I think the other posters have the right idea.

Some people!

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