Post # 1
So, BFs parents and family are coming into town this weekend and we are going to say with them over at another family members house a few hours away while they’re here.
I was excited until something dawned on me: I think the hostess (extended family) is going to want everyone to go to church together on Sunday.
I do not want to ruffle feathers or be rude because these are SUCH nice people, but I truly am not comfortable going to a church service for a variety of reasons, the least of which being I’m an adult and don’t feel I should have to attend a religious service if I don’t want to.
I’d gladly “suck-it-up” and go…the day this hostess will join me in cleansing my house with sage or trying to communicate with my dead grandmother. Unlikely, to say the least.
Anyone know of any clever and/or polite ways I can get out of this? I truly do not want to hurt her feelings, and I don’t want to have to get into a discussion with her as to why I’m less than interested in going.
Post # 3
@badabing88: “Thanks so much for the invitation, but I’m really not feeling too hot right now. Something I ate yesterday really isn’t sitting well with me and I’d hate to interrupt service running to the bathroom. See you all when you get back!”
Post # 4
@s2bmrscook: You’re so smart 🙂 My concern with the “I-don’t-feel-good” lie is that Boyfriend or Best Friend isnt likely to want to go either and he’ll be ticked if I get out of going and he doesnt :-p
Post # 5
@badabing88: You should both make a point to eat something the same that everyone else doesn’t eat… Perhaps a burrito on the way to where you’re going?
Post # 6
@badabing88: what does your Boyfriend or Best Friend think? It’s his family, maybe he can gauge how cool they’d be with it.
If it were me, I would either be really forthcoming and say, “___services make me uncomfortable, but while you’re gone I’ll get lunch ready” OR just suck it up and go if I felt like it would be more hassle than it’s worth for a 1hr commitment.
Post # 7
I’d just be honest and say “thank you for the invitation, but church isn’t my thing.”
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
Just be honest and thank them for the invite.
If they are pushy, ask them to respect your beliefs and decisions.
Post # 9
@badabing88: I would be honest and firm, but still polite (unless she tried to force me). I would just explain that it doesn’t match my belief system and I would be uncomfortable going. She can’t argue with that and she can’t expect that everyone on the planet has the same beliefs as her. One of my friends is Christian and she is always inviting us to religious events. We just tell her that it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for us to attend given we are agnostic, not Christian, and that attending wouldn’t be true to who we are. She never gets mad – but she also never stops asking 😛
Post # 11
Have Boyfriend or Best Friend set the expectation ahead of time–nothing worse than drama last minute. Be polite but clear. I had a friend who pulled something like the following and it worked well for her…have bf call ahead and say something like: “oh hey…when we are there are you all planning to go to services? We just wanted to let you guys know ahead of time that we don’t want you to skip just because we are in town–badabing88 and I are totally fine entertaining ourselves while you go to church. In fact, we’d love to arrange lunch for you for when you’re back is there anything special you want as a thank you for hosting us?”
Post # 12
@badabing88: Hey you!
You don’t owe them an explanation at all.
If they want to go to church, let them go. Just don’t say anything. If they invite you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend, say, “Thanks, we appreciate the invitation but that’s ok. We’ll see you after the service.”
Unless you want to have the “religious confrontation” just be polite and decline their invitation without explanation. They don’t have to know why you don’t want to go, for all they know you always sleep in on Sunday mornings. It’s none of their business, lol. 😉
Post # 13
@s2bmrscook: I can think of just such a burrito that might take this from a white lie to reality…..
@Mrs_Amanda: He’d nicely tell me to just go, which I think says alot about our two very different experiences with religion growing up: he was never forced into it or had any experience there other than “bored”, so to him he’d just suck it up.
@bearlove: That’s a great idea, I think I might be able to talk him into that ahead of time…he is MORE than welcome to go with his family, *I* just am not interested in joining :-p
@tranquility: @MrsPanda99: @Anna10-05-2014: @Phamnomenon: See, now in any other circumstance with a stranger or even other members of my family, I’d just be blunt…but this lady is SO, so sweet, and if I am frank with her that I’m not a Christian I *promise* she will start trying to witness to me :-/
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I would be honest. Just say its not for you! If she gets offended by that it says a lot about her.
Post # 15
@badabing88: So this happens with me and FH when I see my folks or they come stay with us. Many times I would go to church but when I don’t want to go to church, I simply state in a friendly yet direct way, “I’m not going to join you at church today but I’ll be here when you come back.”
I’m sure you won’t be the first person to politely decline. If they recognize you as the adult you are, they should respect your decision.
Post # 16
@badabing88: You say they are nice people, nice people would understand that you do not share their beliefs and leave it at that. If they are not nice people and think this is a requirement, I’d check into a hotel.