(Closed) How to (politely) get RSVP Answer before Deadline date

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Maybe you should have set the deadline for sooner? I wouldn’t expect to have a full head count until 1-2 weeks after the deadline, because you *will* have to chanse down some people to get an RSVP lol, and that’s not really appropriate until after the deadline. 

You can start sending invitations to people on your B list now though. Send an invitation for each “no” you receive.

Post # 4
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If you wanted to have a B-list, you should have set the initial RSVP deadline sooner.

I suppose you could call & use the line “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but our venue has decided that they need our numbers earlier than anticipated. Do you by chance know if you will be attending the wedding?”. Kind of a white lie, I guess. If they don’t know, don’t push them though. Assure them that it’s OK & you’ll check back later, and/or wait for their card.

Post # 5
12974 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is no way to bug people for their answers without seeming pushy, at least not that I could think of.  People are well within the deadline to have not responded.  If you wanted to send out B-List invitations, you really should have set your A-List deadline earlier.

I agree with PP – just send one B List invite for every A List no you get back. 

Post # 6
3266 posts
Sugar bee

Agree with the previous ladies, there is no polite way to ask for early RSVP’s.

You set the deadline, and were in control of when people would have until to respond.

There is no polite way to have a B list.  Sorry, but in itself a B list is a violation of polite manners.

Post # 8
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You could bring it up if you see/talk to them before then. If you’re out to lunch or on the phone and inevitably something about the wedding comes up (it will), just say how excited you are and go, “Do you know if you’ll be able to make it yet?” But otherwise, no, you probably shouldn’t go calling people for their RSVPs. 

Post # 9
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think there is any polite way to do it. I think once the deadline hits then it would be a different story. You should have set an earlier deadline, and since you didn’t you just have to wait it out. I also agree about sending an invite on the b list for every decline you get on the A list.

Post # 10
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I guess I’m pretty laid-back, but it wouldn’t bother me if you emailed or called asking.  In fact, a bride called me just a few weeks ago (two weeks before the RSVP deadline) to ask, “No pressure but my mom and I are working on seating charts, you don’t happen to know if you can attend yet, do you?”  Didn’t bother me one bit.  I’m clearly the minority opinion here though.  🙂

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