Post # 1
First, let me ask… is there a polite way to get someone’s RSVP answer before the deadline date at all? I thought a safe, polite way would be to ask whether or not said individual received their invitation, but this only worked for half of the people we asked (some gave us their answer once we asked them this, others just said they did get the invitation). About 20-30% of people have not given their answer yet, and we’d like to start sending out invitations to other individuals if they can’t come without it being too blatantly obvious they are on the B list.
Wedding is June 30, 2012, and RSVPs are due May 20th (early, but at the recommendation of family and the wedding coordinator since head counts are due early at my venue. I know it’s an etiquette grey area)… so with it being April 24th, do I remain patient or are there clever ways I can try to get people’s answers? Thanks in advance ladies
Post # 3
Maybe you should have set the deadline for sooner? I wouldn’t expect to have a full head count until 1-2 weeks after the deadline, because you *will* have to chanse down some people to get an RSVP lol, and that’s not really appropriate until after the deadline.
You can start sending invitations to people on your B list now though. Send an invitation for each “no” you receive.
Post # 4
If you wanted to have a B-list, you should have set the initial RSVP deadline sooner.
I suppose you could call & use the line “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but our venue has decided that they need our numbers earlier than anticipated. Do you by chance know if you will be attending the wedding?”. Kind of a white lie, I guess. If they don’t know, don’t push them though. Assure them that it’s OK & you’ll check back later, and/or wait for their card.
Post # 5
There is no way to bug people for their answers without seeming pushy, at least not that I could think of. People are well within the deadline to have not responded. If you wanted to send out B-List invitations, you really should have set your A-List deadline earlier.
I agree with PP – just send one B List invite for every A List no you get back.
Post # 6
Agree with the previous ladies, there is no polite way to ask for early RSVP’s.
You set the deadline, and were in control of when people would have until to respond.
There is no polite way to have a B list. Sorry, but in itself a B list is a violation of polite manners.
Post # 7
Our headcount is due June 15th – I think I’m just being super impatient (a vice of mine!) because I’m the type of person who sends their RSVP in as soon as I get an invitation. I also have been sending out an invitation for when we get a NO answer, but with too many lingering, I was hoping (but figured you ladies would recommend against it – that’s what my gut was saying too!) there was a polite, inadvertent way to coax someone’s answer out of someone. Oh well! Even with chasing people down, we’ll be able to get our final count in time. I just have to take a deep breath and relax 🙂
Post # 8
You could bring it up if you see/talk to them before then. If you’re out to lunch or on the phone and inevitably something about the wedding comes up (it will), just say how excited you are and go, “Do you know if you’ll be able to make it yet?” But otherwise, no, you probably shouldn’t go calling people for their RSVPs.
Post # 9
I don’t think there is any polite way to do it. I think once the deadline hits then it would be a different story. You should have set an earlier deadline, and since you didn’t you just have to wait it out. I also agree about sending an invite on the b list for every decline you get on the A list.
Post # 10
I guess I’m pretty laid-back, but it wouldn’t bother me if you emailed or called asking. In fact, a bride called me just a few weeks ago (two weeks before the RSVP deadline) to ask, “No pressure but my mom and I are working on seating charts, you don’t happen to know if you can attend yet, do you?” Didn’t bother me one bit. I’m clearly the minority opinion here though. 🙂