Post # 1
So I’m not changing my name, Fiance and family are fine with it.
However, i’ve realized that, with my friends and coworkers, only about half change their names so I didn’t expect so many people to assume that I’m changing my name. I guess I never assume either way and always ask.
We’ve already gotten a couple of cards to “Mr. and Mrs. Jones.” I don’t want to be annoyed, but it does kind of bother me, especially with a lifetime of people getting my first name wrong (I have a fairly uncommon first name for my age group).
When it’s one-to-one (like the woman at the bank saying I should wait until after my name change goes through to be added to my FI’s account), I’m fine with a polite clarification. I have a lot of practice for this from people getting my first name wrong. But I’m anticipating a deluge of being called Mrs. Jones as my wedding comes up. Is there a way I can get the word out now? I don’t want people to be confused!
I’m also concerned about people writing checks to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and the bank not taking them (at the risk of sounding like a greedy bride, we’ll probably get a few checks because people might not want to pack gifts for an out of town wedding).
Thoughts? Ideas on how I can let people know?
Post # 3
Can you do word of mouth? Tell people to pass it along, if it comes up, especially with family and close friends. Also, with Thank You cards, you can make sure you sign it with your names, so it’s obvious.
I find that I often still accidently refer to people by their maiden names for awhile anyway, so if I heard that someone was keeping their name, it would be easy to remember. I think that people get caught up in the wedding excitement too and put Mr. and Mrs. on everything!
Post # 4
I’m thinking of putting a couple facebook statuses that make comments about how I need to get a new state id and it’s a good thing I’m not changing my name or I would need another one in six weeks (or something like that).
Post # 5
I was going to say, “Just don’t change your name on Facebook!” but then I thought it would be silly. But then seeing your latest comment, maybe it’s not so silly. 🙂
I agree that it’s easy to get caught up in wedding excitement and call someone Mrs. X before/after the wedding. I do it to be cute (and perhaps irritating). But I think after a few weeks/months people will get the picture once you are signing things with your own name, etc.
Post # 6
Honestly with how many people are on FB I think it will be the best tool in this. I think your status idea is a really good one actually. And if you don’t change you FB name that’s how people will think of you. I think with all the wedding excitement people just get excited about name changes and such, so just try to spread the word via family and friends.
Post # 7
I agree with PP about using facebook. But in response to the bank not accepting it, that’s very unlikely. The odds that your name would already be changed by the time you deposit the check is very low so they’re probably used to it. Also, if it were me, I would try to not get too offended/irritated at people saying Mr. & Mrs. Weddings are exciting times for everyone and some people just get caught up in the moment. Maybe wait til after the wedding to try to correct everyone, otherwise you might spend your whole wedding telling people you aren’t changing your name.
Post # 8
@ginnyc: When my dear niece was married, her priest was of the habit of introducing the new couple as “Mr and Mrs X!” as soon as the groom had complied with the obligatory “you may kiss the bride”. When Penelope explained that she was going to carry on being “Ms Phipps”, he was non-plussed and suggested instead that he would say “Penelope and David, husband and wife” so as not to create an awkward moment. She tried to convince him that “Penelope Phipps and David Edwards!” would actually prevent no end of awkward moments going forward, but it was 25 years ago and she was considered a radical, and the priest remained adament.
So, have your officiant introduce you by your new/old names as soon as she pronounces you Husband and Wife, or be announced on your (ahem) “grand entrance” if you are having one. And have “At home” cards or visiting cards printed with your new names (which are your old names) and put one at each place setting for the guests to take home. Have your thank-you cards engraved with your name, and send them all out promptly as reminders or notifications that your name has not changed. And accept the fact that a lot of people will get it wrong anyway.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Word of mouth now. At-home cards with your correct name printed after the wedding, or on your thank you cards. Otherwise, you’re just going to have to do a lot of correcting for a little while! (Super surprised about the bank!)
Post # 10
@ginnyc:Technically you will be Mr. and Mrs. Jones, even if you are Ms. Jane Doe. That’s the breaks in our society. 🙁
But, you can definitely talk about it in casual conversation to help people with that.
For the bank… use an ATM for deposits to an account with his name on them, or bring in your marriage certificate and IDs.