Post # 1
I’m 25w along and beginning to make plans for what I want to happen during birth/hospital stay time. (Which I am praying is not for at least 12 more weeks!) I’ve been thinking a lot about visitors and I would really like to limit who comes (I obviously want grandparents/aunts/uncles, and my 2 closest friends.) Other than that, I truly would rather not have co-workers, casual acquaintances, etc. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like a grinch, but I’ll be trying to learn to breastfeed, having numerous exams, sitz baths, etc, etc. I am pretty private and don’t feel comfortable doing these things in front of the whole world. Also, I feel that this time is mostly for my husband and I to have special private time with our special bundle of joy.
Is there a polite way to express our feelings before the big event?
Post # 3
I may be wrong in this but I never once had the desire to go see a causal acquaintances or coworkers baby. I don’t think they will have a great interest in seeing your baby. Even with close family and friends I send a card/small gift and tell them to let me know when they are up for visitors. But It might not even turn out to be an issue. But I guess to be safe you can have a generic statement ready for them something polite but firm about you not wanting visitors at this time.
Post # 4
Do you have a sister or mother who can spread the word to family that you would prefer not to have visitors the first few weeks until you’re settled?
Also..as far as co-workers go, hopefully they won’t be inclined to go drop in on you at the hospital (like PP said, never heard of this, but you never know.) You could spread the word that when you and baby are up to it, you’ll come in and visit everyone in the office…like 2-3 weeks after baby has been born.
Post # 5
@TwoCityBride: Ordinarily I would agree, but I work very closely with a few people that I know want will want to come, and while I’m flattered that they have taken such an interest, I know it will be an inconvienient time for a visit. (Another lady from work recently had a baby and a group of people went to see her, which is where I’m getting that from.)
@JaneyDcat: That is a great idea! I have a large extended family and I think this is the perfect way to handle that.
Post # 6
@tnbellebee: oh ok, that make sense maybe because I work in more corporate environment I couldn’t imagine anyone going to see a co workers baby if they weren’t friends outside of work.
I think send a nice message saying you aren’t up for visitors and maybe email them a picture?
Post # 7
Don’t make the announcement till you are ready for people or don’t tell them which hospital or room you are in. If they call don’t answer till you are ready. I seriously don’t think anyone would be offended.
Post # 8
My SIL didn’t want anyone except the new grandparents visiting, and she just got her mum to tell us that we would be able to meet her once they were at home again which was slightly disappointing but we understood. All those friends and coworkers etc wouldn’t come uninvited surely? Hospitals have visiting hours anyway don’t they?
If someone arrives and you don’t have time for them just tell the nurses to tell them you are napping, or breastfeeding and they should get the hint!
Post # 9
Well, I only plan to tell who I want to visit- when baby arrives. Pretty much my mum and dad. If I decide I want the possibility of an aunt or uncle or cousin, then I might let them know as well. We are doing a “meet and greet” instead of a baby shower once the baby is 2+ months old- so that way everyone can come and see the baby and I don’t have to worry about people… in my messy small home!
Post # 10
@tnbellebee: I’ll give you some advice on really really close family members…
they want to be there to HELP you, not be in your way.
My sister has two kids. When she had her last baby, I was called to go over to stay with the four-year-old while she was in the hospital. The night she was in labor, I cleaned her house top to bottom and made enough meals to keep in her fridge for the entire week.
My mom and I made all the calls to friends and family about the new baby and also added that she would call THEM when she wanted visitors. I didn’t care if people were pissed off at me that they couldn’t race right over to the hospital!!
But as far as co-workers go, that was the plan we had too– she took the baby in a couple weeks later to show everyone. Her office is approximately 25 people. That is simply too many visitors, and you never know how long they’re going to stay or when they would want to show up.
Post # 11
Don’t tell anyone you’re at the hospital unless you want them to come visit. When you’re back at home, people will start wanting to come by so either don’t respond to then or say something like “sure! I’d love for you to meet baby. I’ll give you a call next week when we’re settled”. Everyone will understand.
Post # 12
Yeah. I hear ya. I also don’t want hoards of people coming to the hospital either. I guess tell one co worker and ask them to spread the word. Theres no harm in saying that you’d prefer to see them later when you’ll be better rested to enjoy their company more. Make it seem like its more about them, like how you value their visit so much that you’d rather have it when you’re not zoombie out. For acquaintances, same thing. If someone does arrive at the hospital and you’re really not presentable or you’re busy, you can ask the nurse to help out I’m sure by saying you can’t have visitors now. I’m planning on doing that. What I’m thinking of doing too is some time after the birth, a month or so, depends, have a meet the baby gathering. So you can mention that to your co workers and acquaintances so that they know they’ll still have a chance to see the little one.
Post # 14
like a few people have already said, I don’t think you’ll have a big problem with visitors at the hospital. I think most people understand that’s for close family only.
when you’re home again though, you’ll have to manage that. Get someone else to answer your phone (if you have a cell) and just be very clear.
another tactic I read about was wearing pajamas when visitors come. Nice pjs of course, but that gives a strong visual that you are recovering, and not up for hosting.
Post # 15
Personally, I’m counting on the fact that no one other than our parents and DH’s sister will be interested in meeting the baby right away. I don’t think random visitors will be a problem for us.
Post # 16
Thanks for all the suggestions.
I hope everyone is right about people being not inclined to go visit at the hospital…however, I know that I will have at least 1 coworker that will be upset about not getting to come to the hospital. I’m thinking about causally mentioning it at work soon just so it’s out there in advance.
I’m a little concerned about after the hospital too, but I figure we can choose to not answer the door if it comes to that.