(Closed) How to politely mention you can’t afford a gift

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t even bring it up; as far as I know you have up to a year after the couple is married to send them a wedding gift and it’s still considered good manners. 

Post # 4
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@UnionFlare:  

 

Techincally, and within etiquette you have a full year to send a gift. Maybe a card would be a nice gesture for now, and follow up later with a gift. 

Post # 4
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My SIL didn’t give us a gift. We were okay with the lack of a gift (as we knew funds were tight), but I think my husband would have loved something sentimental (like a picture frame). She also didn’t come early to help us out at all either with the wedding.

So maybe just give her something sentimental? And write her a nice card. SIL didn’t get us a card either.

Can his mom help you out with plane tickets? Are you all young enough that she could pay for them?

Post # 5
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@Mrs.Goguen:  and then you see the posts on here from newlywed brides saying “I didn’t get a gift from them….” 

Honestly, I would take the day of flight.  Your FI’s mom can deal with it. I would straight up say to her that you can’t afford the day-before flight, and you have already booked the day-of. 

Then the flight is cheaper, you can afford even just a $75 gift, and be okay. 

Or… get them a really nice, heartfelt card.  A card can go a long way, and you can gift them later down the road

Post # 6
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Just bring a heartfelt card. You do not even need to mention a gift. If money is less tight within a year, get them a gift then!

If you’re looking for an inexpensive gift, how about homemade baked goodies?

Post # 7
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’d get a card for now, then a gift when you can. 

Post # 8
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, I would not mention it all. I’d write them a nice, thoughtful card to give them at the wedding. If, a few months later, you want to send them a gift, great, but don’t kill yourself over it. It’s considered perfectly polite to send wedding gifts up to a year ater the wedding, and there’s also nothing wrong with not sending a gift at all! The gift is a bonus, if you can afford it.

Post # 8
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@UnionFlare:  

I agree with the PPs, give her a card, maybe a token gift if you can swing it, then mail s/t nicer when you can afford it. I’m sure she’s already at least vaguely aware of your situation already, I don’t think you need to say amything.

Post # 10
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@eagle:  I understand what you are saying, but I tend not to read those types of posts they make me mad/sad that people can be that selfish. And in all honesty if a bride had the nerve to demand a present from me I can tell you that I would only spend half of what I had intended to and most likely I would make it in the form of a charitable donation in the couples name.  

Post # 11
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@UnionFlare:  The “you have a year” is a myth – it’s more like a month according to etiquette experts.

HOWEVER – gifts are customary, and NOT necessary.  I think bringing a card would be prefect, and surely they’ll know that things are tight already and will apprecite the gesture.

If you do decide you want to save up for a gift, give a gift at their 6 month or year anniversary and congratulate them!

Post # 12
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Gifts are never required for any event.  I’d get them a nice card to bring to the reception, and if you can afford it in a few months, send them something small.  As one PP mentioned, you have a year to send a gift after a wedding.

Post # 13
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The “sentimental” gifts that we got for our wedding were some of my favorites.

For example, one of my college roommates flew into town from Chicago for our wedding and had to stay the night in a hotel. Talk about a lot of $$$. It meant SO much to me that she was able to come into town for our wedding. That honestly would have been enough.

For a gift, she got us a personalized “Just Married” ornament. It was adorable and so, so special, and budget-friendly for her. It was the first ornament that I put on our Christmas tree this year. It got front and center placement, and I showed it off to family and friends. I know it will be special for the rest of our lives.

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