Post # 1
Will try to make as short as possible.
Wedding is in the middle of March (of this year!) and though we’ve known about it for a few months haven’t received invite. It’s my boyfriend’s sister so we’re definitely invited. His mother told us to hold off on buying plane tickets as they weren’t 100% sure on the date. Well we just got the OK and since neither of us can get time off work the Friday before the Saturday wedding we’re limited on travel times.
His mother says she doesn’t want us getting a day of flight because weather might be bad but a Friday night flight out of here (on nearly every airline) is over $400 each. Money is already tight. We can’t afford a gift for her right now – maybe in 5 or 6 months from now but not this month. How do you tell the bride without sounding tacky.
Do you tell the bride you might be able to get her something in the near future but funds are limited? Do you even bring it up? How would you go about it.
We’re thinking of going the thoughtful and creative route but even our thoughtful gift ideas are still at least $60+ – if anyone has any ideas that would be awesome!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t even bring it up; as far as I know you have up to a year after the couple is married to send them a wedding gift and it’s still considered good manners.
Post # 4
Techincally, and within etiquette you have a full year to send a gift. Maybe a card would be a nice gesture for now, and follow up later with a gift.
Post # 4
My SIL didn’t give us a gift. We were okay with the lack of a gift (as we knew funds were tight), but I think my husband would have loved something sentimental (like a picture frame). She also didn’t come early to help us out at all either with the wedding.
So maybe just give her something sentimental? And write her a nice card. SIL didn’t get us a card either.
Can his mom help you out with plane tickets? Are you all young enough that she could pay for them?
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@Mrs.Goguen: and then you see the posts on here from newlywed brides saying “I didn’t get a gift from them….”
Honestly, I would take the day of flight. Your FI’s mom can deal with it. I would straight up say to her that you can’t afford the day-before flight, and you have already booked the day-of.
Then the flight is cheaper, you can afford even just a $75 gift, and be okay.
Or… get them a really nice, heartfelt card. A card can go a long way, and you can gift them later down the road
Post # 6
Just bring a heartfelt card. You do not even need to mention a gift. If money is less tight within a year, get them a gift then!
If you’re looking for an inexpensive gift, how about homemade baked goodies?
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’d get a card for now, then a gift when you can.
Post # 8
No, I would not mention it all. I’d write them a nice, thoughtful card to give them at the wedding. If, a few months later, you want to send them a gift, great, but don’t kill yourself over it. It’s considered perfectly polite to send wedding gifts up to a year ater the wedding, and there’s also nothing wrong with not sending a gift at all! The gift is a bonus, if you can afford it.
Post # 8
I agree with the PPs, give her a card, maybe a token gift if you can swing it, then mail s/t nicer when you can afford it. I’m sure she’s already at least vaguely aware of your situation already, I don’t think you need to say amything.
Post # 9
That’s a good idea – I actually offered to bake for her wedding. She would have a wedding cake of course but I do culinary creations and offered to come in a couple days early, before the wedding and bake 50 or so mini wedding cakes for each guest. She sounded so touched at the offer and said she would definitely take me up on my offer but never got back to me on it.
I don’t know – I’m starting to see a pattern of last minute things. They just sent out the invitations and the wedding is 5 weeks away.
Post # 10
@eagle: I understand what you are saying, but I tend not to read those types of posts they make me mad/sad that people can be that selfish. And in all honesty if a bride had the nerve to demand a present from me I can tell you that I would only spend half of what I had intended to and most likely I would make it in the form of a charitable donation in the couples name.
Post # 11
@UnionFlare: The “you have a year” is a myth – it’s more like a month according to etiquette experts.
HOWEVER – gifts are customary, and NOT necessary. I think bringing a card would be prefect, and surely they’ll know that things are tight already and will apprecite the gesture.
If you do decide you want to save up for a gift, give a gift at their 6 month or year anniversary and congratulate them!
Post # 12
Gifts are never required for any event. I’d get them a nice card to bring to the reception, and if you can afford it in a few months, send them something small. As one PP mentioned, you have a year to send a gift after a wedding.
Post # 13
The “sentimental” gifts that we got for our wedding were some of my favorites.
For example, one of my college roommates flew into town from Chicago for our wedding and had to stay the night in a hotel. Talk about a lot of $$$. It meant SO much to me that she was able to come into town for our wedding. That honestly would have been enough.
For a gift, she got us a personalized “Just Married” ornament. It was adorable and so, so special, and budget-friendly for her. It was the first ornament that I put on our Christmas tree this year. It got front and center placement, and I showed it off to family and friends. I know it will be special for the rest of our lives.