(Closed) How to politely request NO gifts for getting married.

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t have a registry. On our wedding website, we stated we just hoped they could attend. Sometimes people will ask you again, but just stand your ground and explain again. 

Post # 18
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

honestly, considering how strongly you seem to feel, and the fact you’re only inviting a small group to dinner–what does it matter?  They should know how you feel by now, or else they can’t be that close, and if you do say something to them directly about it they shouldn’t be surprised.

Post # 19
Member
797 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
antiweddingbride:  We put on our invitations “Your presence at our celebration is our present, no gifts please.”  It was a second marriage for both of us and we have more than enough already.  Hope that helps, best wishes!

Post # 20
Member
4393 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

i would literally tell the people you are inviting to their face that you don’t want a gift, you are anti-wedding, and give them the same exact reasoning you stated here. I’m sure people will respect your wishes if expressed in this way… Especially considering how adamant you are about hating weddings And gift giving…….

Post # 21
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

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antiweddingbride:  I get what you are saying, but your comment on the expectation of gifts has more to do with registries than wedding gifts in general.

My desire to give a gift has nothing to do with the wedding industry, and everything to do with my relationship with the bride/groom and my desire to give them something as a way to celebrate the start of a new chapter for them.

Asking guests not to bring gifts on an invitation makes it seem like you are expecting gifts, which (to me at least) seems to play more into the wedding industry than just keeping quiet on the subject. Its even stranger to me that you would want to put “no gifts” on an invite to a dinner party because one wouldn’t normally assume that one should bring a gift to a dinner party. I’ll be honest and say if I received an invite with a ‘no gifts” request, id bring a gift even if I had not originally intended on doing so. The whole thing seems very passive aggressive to me. 

If you are really determined to avoid gifts, I’d mention to a friend that you really don’t want gifts and see if theyll spread the word to other invitees. 

Post # 22
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’re going to get gifts, even if you have a bouncer at the door confiscating them as they come.

The best thing for you is to admit that even though you don’t like it, you’re going to get gifts.

So, practice your gracious receiving face, practice saying thank you in a way that will make them believe you. Buy some nice thank you cards and move on with your life.

Post # 23
Member
806 posts
Busy bee

But…

Sorry Im just trying to put things in perspective here. Yes. The wedding industry is crazy and takes advantage of people no doubt. Im with you on that one

But for your friends and family to gift you on your celebration should not be “morally wrong” but “morally nice”. I respect you for doing your wedding the way you want it. But the gifts are the one thing the guests should be able to control. There is nothing wrong with them getting you things for your new home and such. It’s sweet and it’s not at all considered a charity.

If it were my friend’s wedding, I would be kind of upset if they make me give money to a charity instead of a gift for them, because I want to get THEM something with all my heart because I am happy for them. I give to charity in my own time. This is their day

I feel you are stressing yourself on something that does not need to be stressed about. Accepting gifts (not ASKING for them, but ACCEPTING) is something very polite to do and to reject any is considered rude. This is not something worth going after people to make sure they don’t do 

Post # 25
Member
806 posts
Busy bee

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antiweddingbride:  That’s very true. People always try to suggest things you should do for your wedding and it’ll happen even if you have a $100,000 budget wedding, it’s really the least thing I look forward to when startin to plan my own lol. I too have had a lot of moments where I felt like I didnt even want all that pazazz from the amount of stress I can see behind it.

I hope you have a great wedding that goes your way 🙂 Thats most important after all xx

Post # 26
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
antiweddingbride:  if you are sickened by brides complaining about gifts then just don’t. It’s pretty simple….if you have no registry and you tell people who ask that it’s not necessary but people still bring gifts do what you do any time someone gives you a gift …say thank you. Anything else would be rude in my opinion (and I would personally say that complaining about getting gifts to be as  tacky as complaining about not getting them)

I also don’t understand why you would come on a wedding planning site to proclaim how much you hate weddings….if you don’t like big weddings they don’t have one. It’s fairly simple. 

Last time I checked the cops don’t  come to your house and force you into a white ball gown and tiara and make you stand front of 250 people proclaiming your love if you don’t want to do that. 

Post # 27
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The solution to the wedding industry making brides into nasty jerks over their presents is not to be a nasty jerk over people trying to give you presents, though.  Be gracious in accepting them, even if they’re not necessary or even desirable for you. People who love you often really want to give you something to symbolize their desire to support you as you start on a new stage of life.  Such gifts, freely given and from the heart, are the LEAST “wedding-industrial complex” part of the whole process.

Post # 28
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

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antiweddingbride:  Have you considered having a surprise wedding? If you don’t want the hoopla of the wedding day but still want to include friends/family, maybe consider throwing a party to which they are all invited. Then as a surprise, get married on the spot. This way your guests aren’t thinking it’s a wedding the have to bring a gift to and you get the celebration you want with your friends/family. 

Best of luck to you. And congrats!

Post # 30
Member
3058 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
antiweddingbride:  good for you. I agree there’s a lot of greediness out there see too many brides really do take it to extremes with multiple parties, shower, registries, money trees, expecting multiple gifts. I would simply tell each guest individually or let one family member spread the word.

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