(Closed) How to politely tell bridesmaid to keep her lips zipped?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
4085 posts
Honey bee

ashes88:  I, much like you, am a very private person. It seems as though you have already politely asked her to stop sharing details. She can’t seem to do that. I would just lay down the law at this point. Tell her that you know she’s excited for you, and that you genuinely appreciate that, but if she continues to share details, you will no longer be sharing the details with her. Period. 

Post # 3
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

My best friend did that about my pregnancy, to a T. We had a falling out on an unrrelated issue, and I spent the rest of my pregnancy without having my business broadcasted, other than what she saw me buy at the grocery store baby-related. (We’ve since made up) It was kind of wonderful, now that we’re friends again. So I had no advice, just sympathy.

I would talk to her about it again, and then start giving her false intel if she keeps it up. Just some bizarre stuff that’s a little out-of-the-normal. Like having a bounce house and a shish-kabob bar and a fire spinner. (Nothing wrong with any of those, of course, just not very traditional.)

Post # 4
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

honestly?  I’d stop telling her things.  It really sucks, but if she’s gonna be that way and put you in these uncomfortable situations, then it makes sense.  

Let her know what coworkers are doing to you and how uncomfortable that makes you–tell her the things you told us.  Then tell her that you really want it to stop and if it’s easier, you can let her in on less so that she’s less tempted to let things slip.  I wouldn’t make it a “threat”, I’d make it an “offer”… hopefully she’ll take the hint and shut up… and if she doesn’t, then you have precedent to talk to her again and say you’re gonna stop telling her things but you’ll fill her in on everything closer to the date so that she still knows everything before people outside of the bridal party/family. 

I do like PP’s suggestion of false intel!

Post # 5
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Just stop telling her things – it’s a shame that you have to do that, but I don’t think she’s going to change her ways.  Maybe figure out things that you don’t mind being shared so you’re not keeping her out of the loop completely, but work out what you want to keep to yourself as well and just don’t tell her.

Post # 6
Member
3225 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

ashes88:  You can’t control her, but you can control yourself. Stop sharing details with her. 

Post # 7
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

ashes88:  only share need to know things with her. And if she asks u why u rnt telling her things, give her multiple examples over the course of wedding planning where she lips were loose even though u repeatedly asked her not to talk about ur wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
12321 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

ashes88:  At this point, I think you have to stop tip toeing around her feelings. As we’ll intentioned as she may be, you’ve asked her to respect your privacy a number of times and it’s getting to the point where it’s upsetting you. Tell her that. 

Post # 9
Member
3492 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’d stop telling her details and explain exactly why you have decided to do so. Even if she swears she won’t do it again, still don’t tell her anything that doesn’t directly impact her as a member of your bridal party. She’ll see it all at the wedding.

I’m also a private person and that kind of stuff would be teetering on the edge of friendship ending for me because I’d feel like my feelings were being repeatedly disregarded.

Post # 10
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee

You would be surprised how many people talk to others about stuff they are supposed to keep quiet about. Granted that your family and bridal party probably is composed of more than 5 people, it’s difficult to control what they would say or not say to others. The solution is simple, just STOP talking about your wedding details to anyone especially her. If she doesn’t know anything, then there’s nothing for her to go around telling others. You only have one month to go anyway.

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee

BMoreBecc:  this. 

You’ve been more than accommodating with her over sharing… I completelyunderstand your desire for privacy, and I think that she’s being very disrespectful. She may not even realize it, but you need to tell her more directly. 

Post # 12
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

Yeah I too think you need to be more direct. You’ve tried politely, it didn’t work. Tell her how uncomfortable the coworkers are making you feel, and how hurt you are that she hasn’t been respecting your wishes. 

Post # 13
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would probably stop telling her things or letting her know anything.  If you have tried to nicely tell her before yet she “forgets” then that is the only solution.  This kind of shit would piss me the hell off and I might not be able to nicely tell her anyore.

Post # 14
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with PP, you’re just going to have to stop sharing. If she asks you why, just be honest. You don’t have to be mean, just something like “sorry, I’d really like to keep my wedding details private” and if she presses, you could say it’s because she shares it with everyone else, and that you realise that it’s not malicious and she’s just excited, but the effect of it is XYZ.

The sharing of the dress. That one threw me because I thought the whole “keeping the dress a secret” was common knowledge.

Post # 15
Member
47214 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think this ship has sailed. If your wedding is in September, and it’s now August, there aren’t likely many details yet to be worked out.

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