Post # 1
My bridesmaid is a wonderful person- very sweet, helpful to a fault, I love her to pieces. We are very different though. I am very private, where she is very sharing. I keep my excitement to myself and those closest to me, and she shares it with everybody who will listen.
Since I started planning my wedding I have kept everything off of social media, and I only share details with a few people (my honey, my bridal party, and some family members). I want to keep these details quiet until the wedding. It’s my personal choice and I have told everybody this more than once. My bridesmaid just can’t seem to keep things to herself though! She gets so excited that she “forgets” that I don’t want everybody to know everything.
We work for the same company, and she tells all of our coworkers everything about my wedding. She went with me dress shopping and then showed everybody all of the pictures. She’s told people the venue, where its located, the time and date of the wedding. She’s told them about all of my diy projects, how I’m setting up the tables, about issues with our vendors. She has even shared my diet and workout plans! She just shares everything! People will come up to me at work to talk about how good or bad my ideas and plans are- people I hardly know and don’t talk to. One girl even came up to me in the breakroom during lunch to give me advice on dieting because my bridesmaid had shared a private conversation about my dress being too tight with her.
Now, because I don’t talk about my wedding like she does with these people, I keep getting told that I should be more excited about my wedding, and that I should act like I’m looking forward to getting married. I am very excited, I just choose not to share it with these people. If I had it my way, they wouldn’t even know I was engaged!
I know that she isn’t coming from a bad place here. She just gets so excited that she shares everything! And since she’s talked about the wedding, people keep asking her more about it, which gets her all excited again and she tells them even more. It’s so frustrating! I’ve told her several times to please keep the details to herself, but she forgets in her excitement. How can I politely get through to her that she needs to keep her lips zipped?
Post # 2
ashes88: I, much like you, am a very private person. It seems as though you have already politely asked her to stop sharing details. She can’t seem to do that. I would just lay down the law at this point. Tell her that you know she’s excited for you, and that you genuinely appreciate that, but if she continues to share details, you will no longer be sharing the details with her. Period.
Post # 3
My best friend did that about my pregnancy, to a T. We had a falling out on an unrrelated issue, and I spent the rest of my pregnancy without having my business broadcasted, other than what she saw me buy at the grocery store baby-related. (We’ve since made up) It was kind of wonderful, now that we’re friends again. So I had no advice, just sympathy.
I would talk to her about it again, and then start giving her false intel if she keeps it up. Just some bizarre stuff that’s a little out-of-the-normal. Like having a bounce house and a shish-kabob bar and a fire spinner. (Nothing wrong with any of those, of course, just not very traditional.)
Post # 4
honestly? I’d stop telling her things. It really sucks, but if she’s gonna be that way and put you in these uncomfortable situations, then it makes sense.
Let her know what coworkers are doing to you and how uncomfortable that makes you–tell her the things you told us. Then tell her that you really want it to stop and if it’s easier, you can let her in on less so that she’s less tempted to let things slip. I wouldn’t make it a “threat”, I’d make it an “offer”… hopefully she’ll take the hint and shut up… and if she doesn’t, then you have precedent to talk to her again and say you’re gonna stop telling her things but you’ll fill her in on everything closer to the date so that she still knows everything before people outside of the bridal party/family.
I do like PP’s suggestion of false intel!
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Just stop telling her things – it’s a shame that you have to do that, but I don’t think she’s going to change her ways. Maybe figure out things that you don’t mind being shared so you’re not keeping her out of the loop completely, but work out what you want to keep to yourself as well and just don’t tell her.
Post # 6
ashes88: You can’t control her, but you can control yourself. Stop sharing details with her.
Post # 7
ashes88: only share need to know things with her. And if she asks u why u rnt telling her things, give her multiple examples over the course of wedding planning where she lips were loose even though u repeatedly asked her not to talk about ur wedding.
Post # 8
ashes88: At this point, I think you have to stop tip toeing around her feelings. As we’ll intentioned as she may be, you’ve asked her to respect your privacy a number of times and it’s getting to the point where it’s upsetting you. Tell her that.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I’d stop telling her details and explain exactly why you have decided to do so. Even if she swears she won’t do it again, still don’t tell her anything that doesn’t directly impact her as a member of your bridal party. She’ll see it all at the wedding.
I’m also a private person and that kind of stuff would be teetering on the edge of friendship ending for me because I’d feel like my feelings were being repeatedly disregarded.
Post # 10
You would be surprised how many people talk to others about stuff they are supposed to keep quiet about. Granted that your family and bridal party probably is composed of more than 5 people, it’s difficult to control what they would say or not say to others. The solution is simple, just STOP talking about your wedding details to anyone especially her. If she doesn’t know anything, then there’s nothing for her to go around telling others. You only have one month to go anyway.
Post # 11
You’ve been more than accommodating with her over sharing… I completelyunderstand your desire for privacy, and I think that she’s being very disrespectful. She may not even realize it, but you need to tell her more directly.
Post # 12
Yeah I too think you need to be more direct. You’ve tried politely, it didn’t work. Tell her how uncomfortable the coworkers are making you feel, and how hurt you are that she hasn’t been respecting your wishes.
Post # 13
I would probably stop telling her things or letting her know anything. If you have tried to nicely tell her before yet she “forgets” then that is the only solution. This kind of shit would piss me the hell off and I might not be able to nicely tell her anyore.
Post # 14
I agree with PP, you’re just going to have to stop sharing. If she asks you why, just be honest. You don’t have to be mean, just something like “sorry, I’d really like to keep my wedding details private” and if she presses, you could say it’s because she shares it with everyone else, and that you realise that it’s not malicious and she’s just excited, but the effect of it is XYZ.
The sharing of the dress. That one threw me because I thought the whole “keeping the dress a secret” was common knowledge.
Post # 15
I think this ship has sailed. If your wedding is in September, and it’s now August, there aren’t likely many details yet to be worked out.